What an extraordinary thought! How many times have we thought to ourselves that something simply couldn’t be done only to learn later that it was actually super easy, barely an inconvenience, had we simply approached it with a different mindset? We so often falsely limit ourselves with thoughts of how things ought to be done or should be done or even can be done. We allow fear of failure or being told “no” to dissuade us from trying or asking. We choose safety and comfort over risk. 

It is not wrong to feel these things! There are reasons we have been told that things ought to be done a certain way. There is merit in collective wisdom. There is also merit in challenging the collective wisdom as our culture evolves and changes. Ways of doing things that once worked may no longer work in today’s world. 

We are right to fear rejection. No one likes feeling rejected, especially when you have already faced so much in life, as you may have dear reader. When you make a request or reach out, it is with an earnest desire and hope for assistance or a chance. If that request is denied, we have to experience hope dashed upon the rocks. After feeling that so many times, it is difficult to muster up the courage to go once more upon the breach. 

Taking risks is, well, risky. If we have a family to support or are struggling to get by it can be quite difficult to take those first steps. Not only that, but also you must have the necessary physical, mental and emotional energy to pour into the venture. We may hear of these many rags to riches stories, and may be inspired to go out and try. However, the long term success of a business is rather bleak. In the first five years, 45% will fail. By the 10th year, 65% fail and by the 15th year, 75% of businesses close. Is it any wonder so many choose to stay in the confines of other people’s businesses, suffering in less than optimal work conditions?  Easy to say no risk, no reward, but if the risk is your housing, safety and security? Our world seems almost made to keep us ground down and distracted rather than having the freedom to thrive as individuals. 

That is why this truth can seem harsh. Because it is asking us to fight against so much of what we’ve been taught and to make some difficult choices. I just gave you, dear reader, some very good reasons to keep your limitations and your feet on the ground. One can almost hear the Disney montage queuing up in the background about following your dreams, seeking adventure and believing in magic. Inspiring to be sure, but your pragmatic self is certain to reassert itself with all its very sensible objections and limitations. So what is one to do?

It is important to recognize what limits you have imposed to assess them. That is what makes this truth so freeing. Rather than being mindless slaves to the restrictions, we get to decide if those restrictions are in fact truthful and challenge them a bit. Perhaps, even become a bit playful with the challenge.

Consider my approach to the possibility of being told no in response to a request. It is actually quite simple, I do not go in with actual hope of a “yes”. I go into expecting a no. Why then do I bother asking? Because, dear reader, it is always a no, until you ask! Therein lies the secret! Asking only allows the possibility of a no becoming a yes and what a delightful surprise the yes becomes! What is more, I get a positive answer much more than one might think! Or perhaps it is a psychological trick of merely focusing on the positive results and forming a bias in that direction, but it’s a helpful one so I’m not overly concerned about it. The limit was the fear of the no and the rejection, but then I realized that I was already living in the no. I was rejecting myself on behalf of others and not even offering them the chance to alter the self-imposed limitation. What a freeing realization that was. 

You may feel you do not have the skills to land a job when looking through the qualifications. Did you know that many people land jobs even if they don’t hit every tick-mark on the list? Did you know that sometimes you can land a job with just a cold call? I recently decided to make a career move, called up an old boss about whether they had a potential position open at her current company. They ended up creating a position for me and hired me on. I could have easily looked at her current company and saw they were not hiring for what I was looking for and left it at that. My attitude towards “no” is what helped me reach out and ask. 

What other limitations might be holding you back from living your best life? It doesn’t have to be a career. It could be hobbies you want to take up. Do you want to sing? It takes time and practice but 15 minutes a day can make a huge difference. Everyone has to start somewhere. It’s not like you’re auditioning for America’s Got Talent! There’s even some cool apps that help you find the right pitch and intonation for your voice range. Are there places you want to go or things you’d like to experience? You can read lots of posts from me here where I don’t travel far to do the things I want to do. When one stops to consider it, this whole blog is about challenging the limitation that in order to fully live you have to spend tons of money and travel the world! 

Do I still live with some self-limiting beliefs? Of course! We all do. There are ones that for the moment I am willing to sit in. I recognize that they are limiting and I’m not ready to take on the risk or challenge that removing them would require. That doesn’t mean that I will always keep them. Life is about risks, but we also need to seriously assess them and whether we’re ready to take those next steps. The point isn’t to remove them all but to assess them and then actively choose them if they are right for us at the time. We also may have to make some difficult choices and pay a price that we’re not okay with paying in order to move forward. 

It’s like the difference between free climbing a cliff and climbing with ropes. It is much safer to climb with ropes and you should absolutely not attempt a free climb until you have some experience. However, the idea that you could never do a free climb is a limiting belief and I am certain there is a much greater sense of thrill and accomplishment for those who do free climb. The point is rather than allowing ourselves to remain forever tethered, we get to work towards being ready, to choose to let go and climb freely. Once we do that, we really can conquer mountains.