Grace Over Perfection

Dear reader, first, allow me a brief apology for my slight inconsistency in posting. As I have previously shared, I am in the process of starting my own business, and that adventure has proven to be a bit more of an undertaking than it first appeared. There have also been a number of misadventures on the home front, including a flooded basement.Worry not for my misfortunes though. I assure you that everything is well in hand, aided by my signature sarcasm, a few well placed witty quips, and an almost stubborn ability to find the silver lining in nearly any situation.

Life, after all, is largely about navigating the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune with a bit of grace. Lately, that grace has been directed inward. It would be easy to begin beating myself up over the missed, self imposed deadline of faithfully posting each Wednesday. I am, after all, a bit of a recovering perfectionist. The familiar spiral is always waiting: berating myself, stressing over unmet expectations, and allowing those expectations to quietly dictate my sense of self worth.

But let us be honest for a moment. Is my self worth really tied to my ability to publish a blog post on schedule? Is it tied to the success of this new business venture? To my accomplishments, my travels, or the neat little checkmarks on a to do list?

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Of course not.

And yet, that is the trap of perfectionism. It persuades us to tether our value to outward measures. What begins as a guiding star slowly becomes a chain. Aspirations harden into obligations. Joy drains out of the very pursuits that once inspired us.

When that happens, even the things we love can begin to feel heavy. You may scoff at the idea that expectations can weigh so heavily, but consider the world of elite athletics. During the recent Winter Olympics, the world watched in awe as figure skater Alysa Liu performed with what could only be described as unrestrained joy.

Not long ago, she had stepped away from the sport entirely. The pressure, the constant scrutiny, and the relentless push toward winning had transformed her love of skating into something burdensome. Burnout followed close behind. But when she returned, she did so on her own terms, with one simple rule: she was there to have fun.

And suddenly, everything changed.

Her skating appeared effortless and relaxed. The tension was gone. Instead of skating cautiously under the weight of expectation, she moved with the freedom of someone who had remembered why she loved the ice in the first place. That joy was contagious. Viewers could feel it through the screen.

Ironically, when she stopped chasing the gold medal, it found her anyway.

The Olympics also remind us of the other side of the coin. Even the most extraordinary athletes can crumble under the immense weight of expectation. We watched this unfold in recent years when Simone Biles stepped back to protect her mental health. And this past winter, Ilia Malinin carried the kind of pressure that comes from being called a once in a generation talent.

This is not an indictment of any of them. If anything, it is a reminder of how human we all are.

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I know that pressure well myself. I have shared before that public speaking and violin auditions once triggered intense anxiety for me. What had once been joyful became something to dread. Performance turned into judgment. Eventually, I stopped playing for many years altogether, silencing a part of myself that once brought me immense joy.

But the strange thing about joy is that it often waits patiently for us to rediscover it.

When we allow space for play, when our work becomes exploration instead of obligation, something shifts. We loosen our grip on perfection and suddenly our creativity can breathe again. Our spark returns.

And sometimes that spark does more than illuminate our own path.

It becomes a catalyst for others. Perhaps that is what I am learning in this strange season of flooded basements and fledgling businesses. Progress is rarely tidy. The best things in life are rarely perfect. They are messy, unpredictable, occasionally inconvenient, and often accompanied by a small amount of water damage.

But they are also alive.

So I will continue writing, even if Wednesday occasionally becomes Thursday. I will continue building this business, even if the process involves a few wrong turns and lessons learned the hard way. I will continue picking up the violin, even if the notes are not always as polished as they once were.

Perfection may impress people from a distance. Joy invites them closer. So, dear reader, perhaps the real invitation is this: release the crushing weight of expectation. Allow yourself to try, to stumble, to learn, and occasionally to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Let your aspirations guide you, but do not allow them to chain you. And when life floods your basement, metaphorically or otherwise, remember that grace often begins the moment we stop demanding perfection.

After all, a life well lived is rarely flawless.

But it is very often joyful.

Cultivate Daily Gratitude

It started off as an exercise during the season of Lent. Rather than giving up something, I would post for forty days one thing that I was grateful for. Sometimes, it was small things like my morning coffee or the joke someone told at work, other times it was big things like having a house and a job. I enjoyed it so much that I kept it up for nearly 3 years as a daily practice. 

It did not transform my life per say. It did not lead me to riches or status or really much of anything “big”, at least not visually. Instead the practice brought me peace and joy. It is, perhaps, the reason, I started focusing on all my small outings with my friends and family as moments worthy of a bucket list. You can see throughout my posts expressions of gratitude towards challenges, hardship and loss. You may see it in how I now look with child-like wonder at the ordinary going-ons around me. It is not as one might suppose naivety about the world, but of this secret practice. 

I have a naturally optimistic outlook, though where I got it from, remains a mystery as I come from a family of pessimists. For me even an empty glass is not truly empty or even a bad thing, why an empty glass may be better than a glass half full because now I get to choose what to fill it with like water or wine or healthy herbal infusion. An empty glass is full of potential! 

I am known for my ability to “reframe” as my fellow therapists call it or the ability to look at a seemingly negative circumstance and see the positives in it. It is not a pollyanna approach where you place the “at least” game and border on toxic positivity. The reframe is about seeking opportunities in the situation to help you pivot in a positive direction rather than dwelling on the negatives. The job that did not work out is an opportunity for a different one. The break up, while heart wrenching, is a time for you to focus on your own growth and perhaps even find yourself again. 

I find it is much easier to get into this growth mindset when I’ve been practicing gratitude on a daily basis. It is a semi-unconscious catalog of all the tools in your belt to handle situations. I have on any given day various coping skills and things that help me feel better. I remember people that I can tap to help me in tough situations and developed skills that let me overcome obstacles. It stretches my mind for creative thinking and problem solving. In practicing daily gratitude you begin to seek out more and more opportunities in almost any frustrating circumstances. 

Anticipating an increased commute due to construction? Instead of grumbling,  What books might you finally tackle on audiobook during that commute? Perhaps, you will even find yourself slipping into the slower lane because you really want to finish that chapter. Maybe you can use the time to listen to a podcast, or finally learn Spanish in the car with listening exercises. I have crossed off many books off my reading list with my car ride, because I was grateful for my commute. Do not think that I have mixed up the order of that previous sentence. I was indeed first grateful for my commute and then I began to use it for a positive thing. That is right, I was thankful for a hardship and then it became an opportunity. 

An unexpected obstacle in my daily commute

My praise does not always have to start with something that seems positive. I have learned to be thankful even in the difficult moments so that they can be transformed. It is not an easy practice; I am not always successful, and I don’t recommend you start there. One must walk first and then run. Instead, start where I began, finding at least one positive thing each day to be happy about. The way your cat greeted you at the door. The smell of rain after a storm. The return of the spring flowers. A good night’s sleep. I recommend keeping yourself accountable with posts or a note in your calendar. You will find at first that some days it seems like you have a million things to be happy about and other days, you cannot think of one single thing. Go for low hanging fruit on those days, the roof over your head, the clothes on your back, the bed you can sleep in. 

After a few months, you will probably begin to experience the same peace and joy for your daily life that I began to have. It is not always the easiest thing and there are times when periods of melancholy set in, but this practice has helped me through even the toughest of times. It has transformed my outlook towards the dales of life and even let me start to see that I really am living an amazing life. I’m sure you are as well if you just stop to see it.