Tag: embrace life

Take the Risk and Let Go 

Published on by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

In an earlier post, I wrote about letting go of the wall while ice skating. The wall was a place of safety, it kept me from falling and allowed me to build up the skills that I needed in order to traverse the ice. After all, it is by definition a rather hard surface and falling on it of course causes pain and potential injury. Yet, the wall is very limiting. One can only go as far out as one’s arms reach. If there are many people clinging to the wall, then one cannot go faster than the slowest person. One does not know the joy of freedom even though freedom brings risk (as it always does). 

If skaters only ever clung to walls we certainly wouldn’t get the phenomenal performances by the top figure skaters, we wouldn’t have hockey or speed skating. In order to be able to reach great heights one must be willing to take those risks. What we often don’t see if the number of times these top performing athletes have fallen. Those who stand on the precipice have a path paved in failure. 

In order to truly live authentic, extraordinary lives, we have to be willing to forgo some safety and take risks. If you want to pursue a certain career most of us would have to take on a least some risk of taking on student loans and going to school. Even a technical school usually requires a modest sum of money which many of us don’t have ready access to. Even if you do have that money, you’re still risking having spent a good chunk of change in hopes that it will pay off. In order to find love and get married, you have to risk heartache and loss. If you do manage to find love and get married, you risk losing that love through death or abandonment. If you go on an amazing once in a lifetime vacation, you still have to travel which carries a risk. If you want genuine friendships, then you have to risk rejection. You may lose your current relationships in your pursuit to be more authentically yourself. The pay off to these things is worth the risk because otherwise you risk living a small, unfulfilled, lonely life. 

Photo by Alexandre Cubateli Zanin on Pexels.com

Isn’t that what so many great stories are about? The person who risked it all and became famous? The person who made the big discovery or invented the next big technology. The person who became the hero. All of these stories require great risk and often personal sacrifice. Over and over again, the stories we tell require the protagonist to step outside of their comfort zone. It is the only way for them to grow and change enough to overcome the obstacles to their goals. 

It’s actually the only way for us to grow and change as well. Without letting go and challenging ourselves how will we gain new skills to overcome life’s obstacles? Can we really risk not taking the risks? After all, if we haven’t pushed ourselves to go further then we may find that we aren’t able to keep up with the ever changing world. 

We are taking a risk either way, but one way gives us an illusion of safety. We stay in the same dead-end job because it seems safer than looking for a new one or starting our own business. That is until the economy tanks and you lose that once seemingly secure job or your salary is no longer enough to keep up with inflation. The safety we had becomes our downfall because we aren’t in a position to pivot. 

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The truth is when we cling to the safety nets in fear of something bad happening to us we are choosing to let something bad happen to us anyways. I don’t condemn people who choose the wall and choose the safety net. After all, I’m a bit of a risk averse person myself. I have a lot of responsibilities and someone who is dependent on me. You, dear reader, may have children or other dependents. It is very difficult to choose the uncertainty that comes with risk. Research has demonstrated that people would rather choose the unpleasant reality that they know then experience the anxiety that uncertainty brings, even if that uncertainty would most likely lead to a better outcome. It is very difficult to fight that and we can come up with all sorts of reasons as to why we shouldn’t let go. 

I don’t wish to lie to myself or to you. When we choose not to take the risk, we are choosing the certainty of a life that is smaller than what could have been. However for all my risk aversion, I, for one, do not want to choose a small life, so it’s time to let go.

I want to Live!

Published on by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

I want to drink deeply from the cup of life. I want to see the wonders of nature. I want to try new things. I want to challenge myself. I want to grow and change and become a better version of myself than I was yesterday. I want to gain new skills. I want to meet interesting people. I want to see art, appreciate beauty, appreciate architecture and see with new eyes. I want to listen to music that is reminiscent of heaven and speaks to my soul. I want to stay up so late I see the sunrise the next morning. I want to dance and sing without regard to what others think. I want to take candid pictures and post them without filtering or editing. I want to take road trips. I want to be spontaneous. I want to run through the forest. I want to chase fog and make flower crowns. I want to visit coffee shops, browse thrift stores for treasures and explore craft fairs. I want to visit museums and archaeological sites. I want to explore places. I want to simply stop and admire the view. I want to make memories and deepen my relationships with people. 

I don’t want to spend my life in regret wondering about the chances I never took. I don’t want to spend hours scrolling through on my phone wishing I could have the life I see on social media. I don’t want to waste my time dreaming of things I can’t afford or do or places I can’t afford to travel to. I don’t want to miss out on the things I could be doing because I was too busy wishing for the things that are out of reach. I don’t want to spend all day with my head in the clouds not minding what is right in front of me. I don’t want to listen to the people telling me that what I am isn’t good enough or that my life isn’t there yet. I don’t want to miss the blessings I have demanding the blessings I don’t have yet. I don’t want to live in fear of what people might think or say or do because of being authentic to myself. 

Photo by Jens Johnsson on Pexels.com

My bucket list isn’t just a checklist, it’s a call to action to remind me that I get to create an adventurous life. It helps push me to keep trying new things and to seek out new experiences. I’m always adding things to my list and revising it. I am constantly on the lookout for opportunities and unexplored areas. I may not always be doing things that people would consider “bucket list worthy”, but they’re moments outside my usual routine whether it’s taking a train ride to do a wine tasting or dying a scarf.  

It’s also not about chasing the next thing because life is supposed to have the mundane and the routine. There will be dishes and laundry, there will be days at home with tea and books. There will be lazy mornings snuggling with cats. Those are moments to savor as well which is why adopting a cat is on my list. It’s about living. Whether it be the everyday moments or the extraordinary and all the moments in between.

And more than anything, dear reader, I want to live. 

Poisonous Path Not Taken

Published on by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

No one ever wins the game, “what could have been”, but we all play it to our own demerament. The game “what could have been” is when we sit and think about the path not taken. The “one who got away”, the degree not pursued, the job offer you didn’t take, the house you didn’t buy or the trip you didn’t go on. It is usually when we are sitting in regret for not taking that path and say “if only I had….” Indeed, if only you had and then life would be wonderful! That, dear reader, is the dangerous and poisonous trap. 

You see when we play this game, we only ever present ourselves with the idealized version of events had we only made a different choice. I should probably write a post later about the choices we make since I keep saying it, but life is full of choices and saying yes to one thing means no to others. We choose to give up something to take a given path, often more than one thing. If we pursue a higher degree we may land our dream job and make lots of money, we may also find ourselves drowning in student debt working at McDonald’s. Rarely do we consider the second part when playing “what could have been.” We only think of the best possible outcome of the path not taken, dreaming that if we had just done something slightly different we would have a life that frankly was probably never in the cards to begin with.

I had a wonderful co-worker who was quite talented in the social services field. She was arguably better than most people with their master’s given the amount of additional training and experience she had. Unfortunately, without that degree her job prospects were limited and her salary was less than it should have been for what she brought to the table. It was to her deep regret that she did not finish school. However, she shared that she had in part chosen not to pursue a career in order to support her husband’s children in their blended family. They needed additional support and because of her pouring herself into them, they turned out wonderfully. They are successful young men and women who love and adore her.

I reassured her that at the time of the decision she could have no idea that the job market would be so demanding of a higher degree and that she made the best possible decision for her and her family in those moments. I told her that she has no idea the positive impact that her presence in the family brought and what horrible things may have happened if she pursued her higher education which would have required her to sacrifice the extra time and attention she gave those children. I told her she has no idea if the gamble would have paid off or if she would have been stuck with debt or how it would have impacted the dynamics of the home. Perhaps, those children would have gotten into drugs or joined a gang without her love, care and support (a possibility in the city she lived in). Would she be sitting in an office today, wishing she had made a different choice and cursing herself for not staying home?

Much like in the movie it’s a Wonderful Life, we have no idea how the choices we make effect the world around us and how without those choices the world may actually be far darker.

That “dream” home may have been a money pit or a financial stressor that ruined you. That vacation you didn’t go on, maybe would have been the place of a freak accident that left you without a leg. That job that you didn’t take may have been the most toxic work environment that you ever experienced. Yes, it may have led to a magical land of happiness, but look around you, do you know anyone who is truly happy? If so, then I will ask you to look closer at them, are they happy because of a dream life or for some other reason? The Kardarasians are arguably one of the most successful families in America and I don’t need to watch their show to know they are miserable. They spend their lives creating endless drama for our entertainment and that sounds like a gilded hell. How many celebrities have completed suicide or turned to drugs to numb their pain? How many people regret getting married? How many single people long for it?

You accomplish nothing sitting up and thinking up a fantasy life for paths not taken. It only leads to regret for a life that you do not have and for one that may have never existed no matter what choices you made. You cannot change the path that has already been taken. The only possible way is forward to make the best choices you can in the moment with the information that you have. Living our best lives means living this life and making this one the best one we can with the tools at our disposal not trying to live a life that can never be. Do not play what could have been, dear reader, for it is a game you will never win.