Tag: freedom

Dance Like No One’s Watching: Dancing to Street Musicians

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Maybe it was the music itself that enticed me. Perhaps, it was the wine at dinner. Or maybe it was the allure of Italy itself that wound itself around my legs and compelled me to dance. All I knew was the night was still young as the sky was turning to twilight and the saxophone drew me towards it. What else could I do, but begin to sway and dance to its siren call? As I twirled and danced upon cobblestones, I caught glimpses of the musicians smiling as they played, keeping the song going as I was caught up in its magic spell. My skirt swished gently about my legs, my arms flowed of their own accord. I can still almost hum the low, almost slow almost sensual tune, though in truth it plays along the boundaries of memory, faded with time and unfamiliarity. 

To be young and uninhibited again, unbound by the constraints of societal expectations and propriety. To simply find yourself in a place where the music is playing and the urge to dance takes hold. It is not very often one stumbles upon street musicians unless one is in a city, such as Rome, but one must take advantage of such moments. It is one of my favorite memories from my semester abroad because I danced as if I were alone, unconcerned about the crowd or who might be watching. I let myself live freely in the moment, embracing the serendipity of music at twilight. 

As it so happens, not only did I delight those playing by my ample appreciation of the music, but also of a nearby photographer. He happened to catch me dancing and was inspired by my boldness. For a short time afterward, I was his muse with a short and impromptu photoshoot in the plaza before the Great Colosseum itself! I unfortunately only have the pictures which were sent on to me and lost the gentleman’s name. But I will forever be grateful for the phenomenal memories he helped preserve. Perhaps, this blog post will find him and I will be able to give him proper credit.

It was not my first foray into impromptu dancing, for I also danced at the spring festival in Marburg in the rain, again much to the delight of the musicians. I may have said only moments ago, “to be young and uninhibited again”, but the truth is, I still am! Uninhibited that is – I’m almost 40, one has to embrace middle age gracefully and not cling to youth in some sort of grotesque fashion. One should not stop dancing to street performers just because one is no longer in one’s 20’s! One should not stop embracing moments of joyful abandon. Is there a song to sing at karaoke? Belt it out! Did you stumble across a public art project inviting you to paint? Join in! Be spontaneous! Embrace your impulses and passions! Be silly! Don’t be afraid to look foolish! Had I not been fearless to dance in the middle of public, it would not have led to a photoshoot in the middle of Rome! How many people can say that of their journeys? Not many? Exactly! Fortune favors the bold after all! 

Now dear reader, you may be wondering why this would grace a bucket list as it seems like rather a small thing. Really, dancing on the street of all things to a “lowly” street performer? What sort of standards do you have for your bucket list, you may ask. 

First, it’s my blog and I’ll blog what I want to. My list, my rules. You go make your own list with your own rules. 

Second, consider how few people would actually be bold or brave enough to do this? How many of them hold back? Does it even occur to them to dance? Or have they been so conditioned against any sort of unauthorized or predesignated fun that they don’t even think to dance? Have you, dear reader, ever acted with such impulsive abandon? For me this was about living without fear or anyone’s judgements. A life well lived includes doing things off the beaten path, allowing your passions and impulses to occasionally run riot. I love music and I love dancing, why should I deny the urge to embrace life when it so fervently invites me to its arms? 

Besides, when you do embrace life not only do you bring delight to yourself, but also you bring joy to other people. In my hometown, there is a young man who frequently goes out dressed as a templar knight. His reasons are his own, but he started to become a bit of a celebrity. People are posting sightings of him. They’re excited to see him. It brings us joy. I love that there’s someone out there just living his best life as a templar knight! There’s another town in Canada where a man walks around with a giant carrot and people LOVE it. There’s stories of people passing out flower crowns or leaving chalk art on the sidewalk of their neighbors to bring them joy. The world needs our whimsy dear reader! 

Sidenote: Before doing chalk art, check your local ordinances as in some towns this may be illegal – some places really have outlawed fun! 

All of these are stories of people doing something a little impulsive and making the world a better, more magical place because of it. The third reason is that it made my trip to Rome that much more memorable. Consider how many travel stories seem to consist of the same things, especially such destinations as Rome. Don’t get me wrong there is a reason people go to the same places and see the same things, it would be silly to go to Rome as a tourist and eschew the Colosseum as plebeian because everyone goes to Rome to see it. But this punctuated my week-long trip with a truly memorable experience, it made the Colosseum special to me. When I think about the Colosseum, I think about dancing! I strain to recall that haunting tune. For a moment, I am back there. If we don’t authentically express ourselves out in the world, what are we even doing? Are we really deeply experiencing life or just pretending to?  

How can you dance like no one’s watching?

If you are interested in replicating the magic of impromptu dancing, the best way is to use your ears. Pay attention to your surroundings. Obviously if you visit a city, you are much more likely to encounter the stray musician. Be sure to pack along a few dollars to show your appreciation if you are intending on seeking out someone to dance to. However, I will admonish you to not seek this out specifically. After all, half the fun is stumbling about it naturally to let the music extend its hand with a flirtatious invitation to join it. Then by all means accept the invitation, let it embrace you in its arms and let go. 

The principle of course is to be open to serendipity and to take advantage of the opportunities that arise. When a creative opportunity presents itself, meet it head on, boldly and passionately. Dive in with careless abandon. After all, a life well lived is one with passion and risk. Not every boldly taken action will end well. You may be booed off stage of the open mic comedy club. You may be told afterward you sang worse than a braying donkey. But that’s okay! In the words of Theodore Roosevelt, “It is not the critic who counts….The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.” Do not content yourself with sitting on the sidelines dear reader! Enter the arena of life and dance as if no one was watching! 

Completed: Spring 2009 

Miles from home: 4,371 (though this can be completed almost anywhere) 

Cost: Serendipity is free

The Majority of Your Limits Are Self-imposed

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What an extraordinary thought! How many times have we thought to ourselves that something simply couldn’t be done only to learn later that it was actually super easy, barely an inconvenience, had we simply approached it with a different mindset? We so often falsely limit ourselves with thoughts of how things ought to be done or should be done or even can be done. We allow fear of failure or being told “no” to dissuade us from trying or asking. We choose safety and comfort over risk. 

It is not wrong to feel these things! There are reasons we have been told that things ought to be done a certain way. There is merit in collective wisdom. There is also merit in challenging the collective wisdom as our culture evolves and changes. Ways of doing things that once worked may no longer work in today’s world. 

We are right to fear rejection. No one likes feeling rejected, especially when you have already faced so much in life, as you may have dear reader. When you make a request or reach out, it is with an earnest desire and hope for assistance or a chance. If that request is denied, we have to experience hope dashed upon the rocks. After feeling that so many times, it is difficult to muster up the courage to go once more upon the breach. 

Photo by Alexandre Cubateli Zanin on Pexels.com

Taking risks is, well, risky. If we have a family to support or are struggling to get by it can be quite difficult to take those first steps. Not only that, but also you must have the necessary physical, mental and emotional energy to pour into the venture. We may hear of these many rags to riches stories, and may be inspired to go out and try. However, the long term success of a business is rather bleak. In the first five years, 45% will fail. By the 10th year, 65% fail and by the 15th year, 75% of businesses close. Is it any wonder so many choose to stay in the confines of other people’s businesses, suffering in less than optimal work conditions?  Easy to say no risk, no reward, but if the risk is your housing, safety and security? Our world seems almost made to keep us ground down and distracted rather than having the freedom to thrive as individuals. 

That is why this truth can seem harsh. Because it is asking us to fight against so much of what we’ve been taught and to make some difficult choices. I just gave you, dear reader, some very good reasons to keep your limitations and your feet on the ground. One can almost hear the Disney montage queuing up in the background about following your dreams, seeking adventure and believing in magic. Inspiring to be sure, but your pragmatic self is certain to reassert itself with all its very sensible objections and limitations. So what is one to do?

It is important to recognize what limits you have imposed to assess them. That is what makes this truth so freeing. Rather than being mindless slaves to the restrictions, we get to decide if those restrictions are in fact truthful and challenge them a bit. Perhaps, even become a bit playful with the challenge.

Consider my approach to the possibility of being told no in response to a request. It is actually quite simple, I do not go in with actual hope of a “yes”. I go into expecting a no. Why then do I bother asking? Because, dear reader, it is always a no, until you ask! Therein lies the secret! Asking only allows the possibility of a no becoming a yes and what a delightful surprise the yes becomes! What is more, I get a positive answer much more than one might think! Or perhaps it is a psychological trick of merely focusing on the positive results and forming a bias in that direction, but it’s a helpful one so I’m not overly concerned about it. The limit was the fear of the no and the rejection, but then I realized that I was already living in the no. I was rejecting myself on behalf of others and not even offering them the chance to alter the self-imposed limitation. What a freeing realization that was. 

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

You may feel you do not have the skills to land a job when looking through the qualifications. Did you know that many people land jobs even if they don’t hit every tick-mark on the list? Did you know that sometimes you can land a job with just a cold call? I recently decided to make a career move, called up an old boss about whether they had a potential position open at her current company. They ended up creating a position for me and hired me on. I could have easily looked at her current company and saw they were not hiring for what I was looking for and left it at that. My attitude towards “no” is what helped me reach out and ask. 

What other limitations might be holding you back from living your best life? It doesn’t have to be a career. It could be hobbies you want to take up. Do you want to sing? It takes time and practice but 15 minutes a day can make a huge difference. Everyone has to start somewhere. It’s not like you’re auditioning for America’s Got Talent! There’s even some cool apps that help you find the right pitch and intonation for your voice range. Are there places you want to go or things you’d like to experience? You can read lots of posts from me here where I don’t travel far to do the things I want to do. When one stops to consider it, this whole blog is about challenging the limitation that in order to fully live you have to spend tons of money and travel the world! 

Do I still live with some self-limiting beliefs? Of course! We all do. There are ones that for the moment I am willing to sit in. I recognize that they are limiting and I’m not ready to take on the risk or challenge that removing them would require. That doesn’t mean that I will always keep them. Life is about risks, but we also need to seriously assess them and whether we’re ready to take those next steps. The point isn’t to remove them all but to assess them and then actively choose them if they are right for us at the time. We also may have to make some difficult choices and pay a price that we’re not okay with paying in order to move forward. 

Photo by Francesco Sommacal on Pexels.com

It’s like the difference between free climbing a cliff and climbing with ropes. It is much safer to climb with ropes and you should absolutely not attempt a free climb until you have some experience. However, the idea that you could never do a free climb is a limiting belief and I am certain there is a much greater sense of thrill and accomplishment for those who do free climb. The point is rather than allowing ourselves to remain forever tethered, we get to work towards being ready, to choose to let go and climb freely. Once we do that, we really can conquer mountains.

“Canned” Vacations

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When I was studying abroad, I took advantage of the fact that I was nearby many of my Bucket List places, Germany, France, Ireland, Italy, Austria, all places I got to go, and places I didn’t get to go Morocco, Turkey, Budapest, England, Scandinavia and Spain. Being a poor college student, I didn’t have the money for expensive tours or guides. Plus being new to traveling, I had this weird idea that going with a tour or guide would be getting a “canned” experience rather than an “authentic”, “genuine” encounter with the locale. 

I enjoyed exploring the city on foot, going down weird alley-ways, getting a little lost, speaking with locals, trying hole in the wall shops and restaurants, all on my own terms and my own timeline. That is how I ended up getting an invite to a hole in the wall club in the middle of Paris. It was doing that that I ended up spending an afternoon in Austria with a travel journalist writing about Mozart’s and Beethovan’s homes. It was how I ended up getting tickets to a sold out show for A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream after chasing a man dressed up in Shakespearean garb through the streets of Dublin. However, there were certainly things I missed, important sites I could have visited had I been with a guide to point them out to me. I went on a Trolley Tour of Salem and was reminded that the archaeological site is actually in the next town over. I would have missed the highlight of my Salem trip without the guide. 

Without a guide, I was free to explore the unknown

That isn’t to say that having freedom by not going on a guided trip to a given place is without its own merits. Not being beholden to staying with a group allowed me to decide how much time I really wanted to spend looking at the Mona Lisa (it’s really not that impressive, sorry). It also allowed me to be spontaneous with regards to what I wanted to look at. I distinctly remember asking someone if the Unicorn Tapestries were actually in Paris as I had never thought to see exactly where in France they were housed. Probably because I never thought I’d get to France; I went to Paris on a whim, so researching beforehand wasn’t something I had done. Needless to say I raced across the city to see them – after all, how could I not see my favorite animal? I remember sitting for almost an hour just looking at the intricate details of them, marveling at the craftsmanship and recalling the imagery and symbolism that has been woven into them. Could you imagine how you would feel, if you were on a tour and learned something that was on your list was in the same place only to be told “sorry the tour doesn’t include that”? I would have spent years in regret and I am glad that I had that sort of freedom. 

It is nice to not have to be beholden to a clock of having to be somewhere at a certain time. The world is your oyster! For some people the idea of having to constantly watch the clock is stressful and stifling. It takes a mental load to worry about a tour time and it can rob you of those moments because instead of fully taking something in, you’re trying to calculate how much time you have until the appointed hour. 

However, there is a place for the “canned” vacation. First, let us not fool ourselves if you spent time looking at the online lists of must do’s and see’s, or find yourself clinging to a guidebook, you are on a canned vacation. Oh it’s a loose one to be certain, but the main criticism is that “you’re just doing the tourist crap”. Well, first, duh I am a tourist and I didn’t come all this way to see a bunch of random crap I can see back home. Another criticism is that you aren’t engaging with the people. I have yet to meet a guide that wasn’t of the people. I usually try to spend time talking and engaging with the guides which was just as enjoyable as simply stopping and trying to talk with the locals. Bonus, the guides at least will be polite to you, whereas the locals are sometimes less than friendly, especially in the places with too much tourism. The guides usually contain knowledge not in a guidebook or online review. I found the experience to be incredibly authentic because of what I put into it and did not find my experience was less for using a guide. 

Our wonderful guide in Columbia

When booking a tour through the cruise line, I was paying for the convenience of not having to book a tour myself ensuring they were safe, reputable and would ensure returning to the ship on time. I could have booked other tours that were perhaps a bit more intimate, but I didn’t find that booking tours independently saved me money or gave me a more personalized experience than through the ship. So regardless of whether the tour was through the ship or something you booked yourself, you are getting a similar experience. 

I said earlier in this post that having a tour booked can be stressful because of having to watch the clock. For me, I found it to be less stressful, specifically on the cruise line. The reason being is that all I had to do was show up in the morning or afternoon at the appointed hour, usually after breakfast and then everything else was taken care of. I didn’t need to worry about the logistics of traveling to and from the site or getting tickets to the facility. All I needed to do was sit back, relax and enjoy myself. It was relaxing getting on board and having everything already figured out, all the decisions were made and I didn’t have to make any major decisions during my trip.

Without a tour guide I would have completely missed the highlight of my Salem trip!

Decision fatigue is a real thing and to be free of it for a week or two was amazing. In comparison to my non-canned trips, my canned trips were more relaxing. That isn’t to say that non-canned trips were less fun or enjoyable, just that they were more stressful and less rejuvenating. I still worried about the times attractions were opened, when tours were going, and navigating public transit schedules. At times, I found myself watching the clock more on my non-canned adventures than my canned ones. 

At the end of the day, I simply did not find that much difference in terms of what I could get out of a “canned” vacation vs. one that wasn’t “canned”. I enjoyed both approaches to traveling. Both give a quality experience and both carry a risk of missing out on something. Without a guide or someone to show me where to go, I may leave a place before realizing I could have checked off something on my list. However, there is also a chance of being “teethered” to a tour group where one can’t be spontaneous. There is a greater sense of adventure by being on your own and challenging yourself to navigate a new place without much help, bonus points for a country where you don’t speak the language and relying on public transit, like my trip to Paris. One of my favorite memories is getting lost in Paris’ red light district. There’s a lot of personal growth to having this experience because you learn just how independent and self-reliant you can be as you creatively solve the problems that naturally arise from this approach. 

Nothing like getting off at the wrong plaza!

With a tour, it is less stressful, but it isn’t quite as exciting as it lacks the possibilities of what might be. It is very rare to have impromptu misadventures on a canned vacation. At times it is frustrating to find yourself chained to a group. Although truthfully, there’s really nothing to stop you from breaking away from your tour and going it alone. I once was on a tour with my study abroad group when suddenly one of the girls, Jewel, breaks away from our group, hops on the back of a motorcycle and drives off into the night with nary a word of explanation. We shouted after her, but to no avail. She didn’t return to our hotel room until the next morning. As it turns out, she saw an old friend and decided to ditch us and see where the night would take her. I certainly applaud her sense of adventure! Though, I probably would have at least said something to the rest of the group rather than cause worry. So you see, you aren’t in a jail, you can leave the “canned” vacation any time you want. It may incur additional expenses and you may “miss out” on something, but you’re not actually beholden to the group. As Jewel demonstrated, they can’t stop you, just hop on that motorcycle and go!