mindfullness – Page 4 – Budget Bliss: Bucket List

How many times have we spent weeks building in anticipation of an event, imagining it so vividly we could almost think ourselves already there only to have the reality fall far short of the expectation upon the moment of arrival? I am convinced that’s why the holiday season is so stressful and the epicenter of many an emotional breakdown. The “magic” of the season and the pressure for it to live up to that impossible ideal is enough to lead anyone down the dark path of overindulgence to cope.

The same disappointment in the reality of an event has happened to many a bucket list seeker. In another post, I discuss the dangers of over-tourism and the case for staying home. One of my main points in that post was that over-tourism prevents us from being able to fully experience our desired activity as we confront crowds and limited time to see or do the activity we set out to enjoy. Which is why there have been many times when I have found I enjoyed the activities closer to home than the ones farther afield. This is where the practice of being mindful and honest with ourselves comes into play.

We should understand what we’re really desiring to gain out of a given activity prior to doing it and manage our expectations. It also allows us to zero in on the thing that is important to us. If going to a lantern festival and seeing the lanterns rise to the sky is the entire reason for going, then ensure that you have positioned yourself in a spot to watch the lanterns rise. Perhaps be willing to forgo releasing a lantern of your own. You won’t want to ruin the experience by standing in line waiting endlessly to release your lantern and miss the wonder of the moment of them all rising or be willing to be among the last participants to release it as you spend your time waiting simply watching rather than standing in line. This means you will no doubt be caught in the traffic afterwards, stressed as you try to navigate your way through throngs of people back to your car and spend a good bit of time winding your way slowly back to the main road. There are prices to be paid for the things we wish to do in addition to mere money spent.

My sister and I much more enjoy the experience of watching the lanterns rise than releasing them and would rather drive out to a spot nearby to watch them all rise and float to the sky away from the crowd than attend such an event. Not that we did not enjoy the act of releasing them, only that it was more fun to watch which means when we are considering attending various events we may choose to simply be spectators rather than participants. This is often a much cheaper and less time constrained option which suits the budget part of this bucket list quite well!

Understanding the constraints on a given activity is helpful in planning for it so that it can be fun rather than stressful and something to be remembered fondly rather than a moment ruined. Understanding what you really want out of something can help you manage those constraints and focus on protecting what you want to protect. Going kayaking on the Susquehanna River is a bucket list item for me in order to see the petroglyphs that are on a small rocky island in the middle of the river. Kayaking is also something that I want to do, but my focus is the petroglyphs. Any other activity that I may engage in around a small trip to the Harrisburg area is secondary to the petroglyphs. If the day comes and I’ve made plans to eat at a restaurant prior to the kayaking and traffic impedes my ability to get there in time, well then I shall simply go to a grocery store and grab something to go instead of going to the restaurant. Yes, my experience would be much improved by enjoying a delightful meal prior to going, but the trip wasn’t about the meal, it was about the petroglyphs. This may seem like something obvious but you would be surprised how easy it is to get caught up in things that don’t matter.

It is also important to be mindful during the experience itself. The first step of course is to put the damn phone down and actually engage with the thing you are trying to engage with. I love photography as much as the next person, perhaps more so since I was motivated enough to take a photography course in college. However, if you spent your entire time lining up shots and taking pictures your only memories will be of holding your phone and taking pictures. The magic of the moment is robbed. Sure you have some snazzy things to put on your social media but as I have noted before the dopamine rush from those likes are fleeting and only cheapen the whole experience. Remember this isn’t about checking off boxes on a to do list, this is about living joyfully in the moment!

I have very few pictures of ice skating with my sister for the first time. I have maybe five, but those are enough to help trigger the many memories I stored up that day. I remember the slow learning of how to move on the ice, clinging to the side for dear life, my stomach in knots every time I slipped and then the thrill of finally letting go of the sides and skating on my own, the triumph of the moment. I remember how it was a very small crowd of people on the ice that morning being the end of the season and how all of us didn’t know how to skate; how we cheered each other on even though we were perfect strangers, how we celebrated each other’s victories and how proud we all were of one another. If we had all been worried about our social media pages, we wouldn’t have made that real human connection. By building some walls around the activity with regards to the barriers that come between you and actually enjoying what you’re doing.

It is equally important to make sure things are clearly communicated among those who are going with you. If say you are making a day trip to D.C. and for you the priority is seeing the copy of the Magna Carta under dom of congress and your friend’s priority is seeing the neanderthal skeleton by all means don’t waste most of your day flitting about the National Air and Space Museum. It is important for both of you to clearly communicate your priorities and goals so that there are no hard feelings. If things like weather or traffic or national emergencies prevent you from doing all of your plans, you both know which things to cut out. The same can be said of any time constraints. It is not enough to say “would you like to go to this general area and here all the things we can do” and agree to the itinerary, as it is likely to need to be adjusted or changed. It also prevents those awkward moments where the party must split in order for both people or persons to get what they want.

If you agree ahead of time (and with the power of cellphones to easily stay in touch) that should time prevent you from sticking together you are agreed to split. However, that is also the time for a person to object and say “it is actually quite important to me that you experience this with me so that we can have a shared experience to reflect on later”. Time spent together is after all a love language for many people. Be mindful not to judge the other person for their strong desire or what is truly important to them.

Again, reflecting ahead of time and communication is key. It’s all about having clear boundaries and realistic expectations. You may find that these ideas are so effective with your bucket list, you start applying them to the holiday season as well and discover the magic is still there!

It is quite tempting to go to other people’s bucket lists and put down whatever they have put down. Many are things that just seem like they ought to go on a bucket list, throwing the first pitch out at a baseball game or summiting a mountain. We put them down on the list because those seem like things we “ought” to do. However, that is not the essence of this sort of bucket list! Know thyself is our rallying cry!

The entire point is for us to live our lives to the fullest right where we are and that does not mean living someone else’s life. I would never put down throwing a pitch out at a baseball game or going to the Super Bowl. I don’t like sports. I don’t like watching them or playing them so why on earth would I include something like that on my list? I know this may seem rather strange as with the reverse bucket list, I encouraged people to put down items they may not even seemingly care about. However, that was about cultivating a spirit of gratitude for what you have already gotten and a spirit of childlike adventure as you go about living out your day to day life. It was not for us to become anything other than we are. I mean I might want to summit a mountain at some point, I do like hiking but I don’t LOVE hiking, so maybe a small one as like a physical challenge, but I’m not climbing to the peak of Mount Everest. It’s cold and way too much snow.

We don’t want our energy to get focused on following the dreams of other people and losing our own sense of self in the societal expectations of the things we ought to pursue. If you find yourself engaging in activities for the likes, comments and accolades of others then chances are that “bucket” list item should have never been there in the first place because it didn’t come from your own real desire. Not only are we giving into pressures to spend our precious time and energy doing something that we don’t actually want to do, we cheapen any joy we may get out of doing it by not living in the moment. Doing something outside your norm should be about self discovery and exploration not about your social media and certainly not about meeting other people’s expectations!

It’s not that something that you wouldn’t necessarily do should never be on your list, but the reason for it being on your list should resonate with you. My sister often is my go to person for my adventures and there have been times when she has suggested an adventure or experience that wouldn’t be on my radar like woodworking. It’s not an activity that has ever “spoken” to me, but I am willing to give it a shot and see, to learn something new. It’s still within the realm of something I’d enjoy doing. I have enjoyed many different sorts of crafts, so why not that one? That is the self-discovery part, trying new things and learning about myself. I am certain that when I do embark on it, if I approach it mindfully, I shall enjoy it immensely, learn something new and develop a greater appreciation for the craft.

As I said earlier, I wouldn’t put on my list throwing the first pitch out at a baseball game on my list, but let’s say I had a dear friend who offered this experience as well as a chance to meet the players and other things around the baseball game. I might very well take them up on this offer if I were exploring other aspects around baseball. Something that greatly interests me is anthropology. I could very well go to such a cultural event if for no other reason than to fully immerse myself in it from a more intellectual and cerebral perspective. I may be intrigued by the traditions and rituals surrounding the event. Suddenly the act of throwing out the first pitch as participation in these becomes something much more exciting and intriguing for me. I may develop a greater appreciation for my friend’s passion, understanding his connection to the tribe of his team and the significance it plays in his life. It becomes more about gaining a new perspective on someone I care deeply for and allowing myself to see their passion through their eyes rather than my own. I have found that almost any topic intrigues me when a passionate expert shares it with me, so while I won’t add it to my list it’s not something I would necessary turn down flat if offered depending on who was asking.

Sometimes you just gotta be a little silly!

It is about being intentional not only in the things we decide to do but also in the act itself. When we’re doing something for outside acceptance it will be spent getting just the right pictures and thinking about what it will look like on social media rather than truly being present. This goes for things that we want to do as well but even more so with things that do not resonate with who we are. Sharing things on social media is all well and good to have those we care about share in our joy. However, it goes beyond simply sharing a joyful moment or capturing a memory then you’re probably sucking the soul right out of the experience. It is about cultivating real, authentic experiences which enrich our lives, not chasing the image of what someone else thinks our lives should look like. This goes for any goal or life milestone. Our lives are far too short to be caught up in the oughts or shoulds of expectations, especially when we have so many oughts and shoulds that are required for minimal comforts like getting a job and paying our electric bill. When you are looking back at your life do you want to live in regret having chased down other people’s approval and status or do you want to look back with joyful gratitude for a life well lived?

Tag: mindfullness

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