Tag: Deinfluencing

The Majority of Your Limits Are Self-imposed

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What an extraordinary thought! How many times have we thought to ourselves that something simply couldn’t be done only to learn later that it was actually super easy, barely an inconvenience, had we simply approached it with a different mindset? We so often falsely limit ourselves with thoughts of how things ought to be done or should be done or even can be done. We allow fear of failure or being told “no” to dissuade us from trying or asking. We choose safety and comfort over risk. 

It is not wrong to feel these things! There are reasons we have been told that things ought to be done a certain way. There is merit in collective wisdom. There is also merit in challenging the collective wisdom as our culture evolves and changes. Ways of doing things that once worked may no longer work in today’s world. 

We are right to fear rejection. No one likes feeling rejected, especially when you have already faced so much in life, as you may have dear reader. When you make a request or reach out, it is with an earnest desire and hope for assistance or a chance. If that request is denied, we have to experience hope dashed upon the rocks. After feeling that so many times, it is difficult to muster up the courage to go once more upon the breach. 

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Taking risks is, well, risky. If we have a family to support or are struggling to get by it can be quite difficult to take those first steps. Not only that, but also you must have the necessary physical, mental and emotional energy to pour into the venture. We may hear of these many rags to riches stories, and may be inspired to go out and try. However, the long term success of a business is rather bleak. In the first five years, 45% will fail. By the 10th year, 65% fail and by the 15th year, 75% of businesses close. Is it any wonder so many choose to stay in the confines of other people’s businesses, suffering in less than optimal work conditions?  Easy to say no risk, no reward, but if the risk is your housing, safety and security? Our world seems almost made to keep us ground down and distracted rather than having the freedom to thrive as individuals. 

That is why this truth can seem harsh. Because it is asking us to fight against so much of what we’ve been taught and to make some difficult choices. I just gave you, dear reader, some very good reasons to keep your limitations and your feet on the ground. One can almost hear the Disney montage queuing up in the background about following your dreams, seeking adventure and believing in magic. Inspiring to be sure, but your pragmatic self is certain to reassert itself with all its very sensible objections and limitations. So what is one to do?

It is important to recognize what limits you have imposed to assess them. That is what makes this truth so freeing. Rather than being mindless slaves to the restrictions, we get to decide if those restrictions are in fact truthful and challenge them a bit. Perhaps, even become a bit playful with the challenge.

Consider my approach to the possibility of being told no in response to a request. It is actually quite simple, I do not go in with actual hope of a “yes”. I go into expecting a no. Why then do I bother asking? Because, dear reader, it is always a no, until you ask! Therein lies the secret! Asking only allows the possibility of a no becoming a yes and what a delightful surprise the yes becomes! What is more, I get a positive answer much more than one might think! Or perhaps it is a psychological trick of merely focusing on the positive results and forming a bias in that direction, but it’s a helpful one so I’m not overly concerned about it. The limit was the fear of the no and the rejection, but then I realized that I was already living in the no. I was rejecting myself on behalf of others and not even offering them the chance to alter the self-imposed limitation. What a freeing realization that was. 

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You may feel you do not have the skills to land a job when looking through the qualifications. Did you know that many people land jobs even if they don’t hit every tick-mark on the list? Did you know that sometimes you can land a job with just a cold call? I recently decided to make a career move, called up an old boss about whether they had a potential position open at her current company. They ended up creating a position for me and hired me on. I could have easily looked at her current company and saw they were not hiring for what I was looking for and left it at that. My attitude towards “no” is what helped me reach out and ask. 

What other limitations might be holding you back from living your best life? It doesn’t have to be a career. It could be hobbies you want to take up. Do you want to sing? It takes time and practice but 15 minutes a day can make a huge difference. Everyone has to start somewhere. It’s not like you’re auditioning for America’s Got Talent! There’s even some cool apps that help you find the right pitch and intonation for your voice range. Are there places you want to go or things you’d like to experience? You can read lots of posts from me here where I don’t travel far to do the things I want to do. When one stops to consider it, this whole blog is about challenging the limitation that in order to fully live you have to spend tons of money and travel the world! 

Do I still live with some self-limiting beliefs? Of course! We all do. There are ones that for the moment I am willing to sit in. I recognize that they are limiting and I’m not ready to take on the risk or challenge that removing them would require. That doesn’t mean that I will always keep them. Life is about risks, but we also need to seriously assess them and whether we’re ready to take those next steps. The point isn’t to remove them all but to assess them and then actively choose them if they are right for us at the time. We also may have to make some difficult choices and pay a price that we’re not okay with paying in order to move forward. 

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It’s like the difference between free climbing a cliff and climbing with ropes. It is much safer to climb with ropes and you should absolutely not attempt a free climb until you have some experience. However, the idea that you could never do a free climb is a limiting belief and I am certain there is a much greater sense of thrill and accomplishment for those who do free climb. The point is rather than allowing ourselves to remain forever tethered, we get to work towards being ready, to choose to let go and climb freely. Once we do that, we really can conquer mountains.

You are Responsible for Your Own Happiness 

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I absolutely love this truth. For some, dear reader, this may seem a bit scary even mean. However, consider this from another angle, if you are not responsible for your own happiness who is? The answer of course is other people. Other people whom you cannot control and who may not have your own interests and needs in mind, let alone your happiness. And if they’re responsible for your happiness, does that make you responsible for theirs? Does that mean that you are expected to sacrifice yourself to their whims and desires in order to make them happy? How can you possibly be expected to know what will make them happy? 

We humans are such fickle creatures and are almost never really satisfied. How can we all collectively be responsible for other people’s happiness and never our own? This constant cycle of pleasing people without thought to our own happiness can only leave us all miserable and unhappy. How freeing is it to say that “I am responsible for my happiness and you are responsible for yours”?

It is a reclamation of our own autonomy and choice. It frees us of the shackles of other people’s actions and reliance on them to do the “right thing” and allows us to fully stand in our own power. There are countless stories of human resilience, where people in terrible conditions were still able to choose not happiness but deep abiding joy.  These are people who fully embraced their own power and would not allow their joy to be robbed by their oppressors or abusers. It was a way to take back what power they could to refuse to allow a prison to be one. 

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It is not easy to choose joy. It is not easy to be positive in the face of terrible circumstances and sometimes we do need to “sit in the suck”. I’m not an advocate of toxic positivity, because I don’t believe in suppressing negative emotions. I also don’t believe in feeding negative emotions. There is a time and place to process what’s going on, but not to swim in it, ‘till your fingers get all pruny. Acknowledge the “suck”, say it stinks, allow yourself to feel the unfairness, the injustice and general stink of whatever the situation is. Then cultivate your choices and possible responses. 

This entire blog is devoted to a positive response of “the suck”. I did not have the time, energy and resources to live out a certain lifestyle. I could have easily gotten stuck in a negative mindset that I would never get to do the things I dreamed about doing. That I would continue to wish my life away and watch the years tick by until I was too old and sick to even enjoy the things even if I finally managed to save up the money to go do them. It would have been easy to shake my fist at a system that prevents so many people from making positive steps forward with stagnant wages, inflation and other social ills and give up. Instead, I looked around at what I could do instead. The answer was, I could do a lot. As it turns out, it allowed me to live out my values better than the original plan. 

I did not have to rely on anyone to change the system. I simply went off and started making different choices. I choose to reevaluate my local community and see it in a new light. I choose to find happiness in the little things, seeing even small moments as things worthy of a bucket list. I will most likely write a post at a later date and time about cultivating daily gratitude, because that is what has helped to cultivate my happiness the most.  I choose joy and I choose to be responsible for my own happiness. What a wonderful and freeing feeling that has been.

5 “Harsh” Truths About Life

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I recently came across a post on facebook that really resonated with me, but perhaps not in the way it was meant. 

Five Harsh Truths About Life:

1. You are responsible for your own happiness.

2. The majority of your limits are self-imposed.

3. You can never fully prepare for everything life will throw at you.

4. You will mess up. The best thing you can do is learn from it and move on.

5. Your loved ones will not be around forever.

Although, I don’t know that I would call them harsh, in fact I would say these are freeing truths. In my next five posts, I will be diving into each of these truths to show you how awesome each one is and how these can free you to live your best life. 

Keeping Up with the Joneses

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In the age of social media, we are constantly being shown a carefully curated montage of other people’s lives whether that be our own friends and family or influencers. The pressure to present this picturesque life is almost constant, while the algorithms feed us a never ending message of inadequacy and insecurity. Not only that but influencers show us a steady stream of items, experiences and getaways that would “cure” all those pesky problems that we face. 

I recently heard someone say “you can’t out consume an influencer.” Influencers are often given the items that they show us and can often turn around and sell those items. The items they do have to purchase are tax deductible and considered a business expense. They are paid to consume whereas the rest of us have to use our hard earned money to try and keep up with them. Not only are they getting paid to consume, many of them are making above the median income of $74,000. I certainly don’t make $74000. So yes, you can’t out consume an influencer. 

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No matter what you do, there will always be someone who makes more than you, is more successful, has a bigger house, goes to more places, does more things, buys more items and is considered “ahead.” Even if you manage to become the “top dog” of your current social group by moving up, you will expand your social group to include other people who are “higher status” than you. One of the reasons why when people move up the social ladder they continue to struggle to make it, is because they are trying to keep up. They get a promotion and make an extra $20,000 a year, but then they buy a better car, move to a better house, pretty soon that 20,000 isn’t going as far as it could have had they stayed where they were. But where they were often wasn’t that comfortable or perhaps, the “Joneses” convinced them that what they had wasn’t good enough. 

It’s important to remember these things when considering your bucket list. I shared that I often go on an “adventure” about once a month. Most of the time it’s with my sister on our sister dates. This means that I have to pick and choose what I want to do when because I don’t have lots of time or money to be spending every weekend or most of my evenings out. Sometimes, this means putting an event on the calendar for next year in order to be able to go to a different one. Sometimes it means skipping out on something entirely.

Not every activity needs to be done or event attended. If it’s not for you don’t do it, even if it seems like the popular thing to do. You have limited time and resources so spend them wisely.  It may be tempting to try and start to push the schedule to do more than once, maybe twice a month, especially when my feed starts to get filled up with events, activities, people doing things and going places. However, going out all the time means not resting and I have cats at home who have emotional needs that I am obligated to meet as their guardian. Besides, snuggling cats is on my bucket list. 

Snuggling my little baby kitten!

Remember saying no to something, allows you to say yes to something else. Saying no to going out each weekend, allowed me to say yes to having pets. Saying no to some more expensive experiences, allowed me to say yes to going on a cruise with my family. Once we free ourselves of trying to keep up appearances and out competing the social media algorithm, we can start making real choices for ourselves that help us create real meaning in our experiences. We have to remember that what we often see is a facade hiding. 

How many celebrities have we seen over the years share their struggles with depression, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy? How many stories have we read about the ultra rich with their empty marriages and loveless families? There are certainly celebrities that are quite happy and ultra rich who have wonderful families, but they did not create their fulfilling lives from chasing things and trying to keep up with others. Trying to keep up often fuels the negative feelings about ourselves. Recognize that you are enough, as you are. You are not your job, you are not your income, you are not less than because you have less, your value is not predicated on the things you have. 

Having a bucket list has many benefits, but it should not be used to compare yourself to others or as a measuring stick of your self-worth. It isn’t about keeping up with the Joneses, it’s about living your best life right where you are.

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Sunflower Fields: Turn Towards the Light

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“I don’t think there’s anything on this planet that more trumpets life that the sunflower. For me, that’s because of the reason behind its name. Not because it looks like the sun but because it follows the sun. During the course of the day, the head tracks the journey of the sun across the sky. A satellite dish for sunshine. Wherever light is, no matter how weak, these flowers will find it. And that’s such an admirable thing. And such a lesson in life.” – Tim Firth

I have always loved sunflowers, but after hearing that quote, I adored them. I loved that they followed the light even when the sun was hidden away. No matter how dark their world becomes they turn to the light. Isn’t that just what we humans fail to do so often when our lives become darkened? What a beautiful reminder and how special it is that they do so resemble the sun to give us some of the light they have taken into themselves? 

When one thinks of sunflower fields, one may think of the endless fields of Tuscany and forget to look in one’s own backyard. I will say that sunflower fields have been gaining popularity, at least in my area with farmers now taking time to plant fields for visitors to come and enjoy. Most will allow you to leave with a single memento of your visit. One flower to bring you sunshine. At Second Mountain, you are encouraged to bring as many containers as you can because for just a few dollars, you can pick as many sunflowers as you desire! And I did! 

My mother and I drove up at the very end of the sunflower season to catch the last blooms of the season. We had been carefully awaiting this for almost a year as we had learned of this hidden gem to the north of us from a work colleague shortly after the sunflower season had ended. Unfortunately, peak sunflower season is in August which usually has beastly weather of heat and humidity. Being as my mother is an asthmatic those two are not the greatest combination for her being able to enjoy the great outdoors. Being allergic to bees, it was important for me to avoid warmer days when they would be more active, so we carefully watched both their facebook page and the weather, hoping for just the right conditions. Finally, at the end of the season the weather was just right; we packed up our car with containers and made the hour-long drive up north. 

Even in their last days the fields were a glorious feast for the eyes. The vibrant flowers naturally were turned towards the evening sun. A rock cover band played in the background, which if you enjoy such things, I am certain it added to the enjoyment. Not being a fan of such things, I did not find it particularly enjoyable. I would have preferred a cello performance or swing band, but to each their own. I am not one to dictate to others what sort of music they can listen to or even if music should be playing. Just if you do visit a field with live music, bring your earbuds or headphones so that you can put on something you do enjoy if the music isn’t to your taste. Then again, even if there isn’t a live band, bring them anyway. It is good to have music close at hand to enhance an experience or help drown out unpleasant noise. The small crowd of people were taking photos and harvesting flowers. I took some time to photograph the sunflowers to help capture the glory of the fields, even the ones who were nearing the end of their life cycle.

Perhaps, I am a bit gothic in nature, but I always found the end of the growing season to be beautiful in its own right. There is a certain loveliness to the death of a flower; having lived brilliantly and gloriously, it now loses its color, going quietly into that good night to make way for the next season. There is a quiet stillness about it as it is no longer abuzz with visitors, often robbed of its seeds by birds or other creatures. It is only a shadow of itself, like an echo. What struck me as even in their last days, they still were turned faithfully to the sun, never losing the light. 

Turning back to the brighter field, I gathered up sunflowers in my arms until I could carry no more. Walking through the golden sea, with my arms filled with flowers felt almost surreal, as if I had entered a dream. The flowers stand proud as if they are sentinels of the very sun itself. Stray breezes wind their way through the fields causing some to break their vigil to dance, perhaps rebelliously, but more likely for the sheer joy of our closest star. 


Personally, I enjoyed the fields most when the band was quiet and I could simply enjoy the wonder of nature. To have time to disconnect from the world and tune into the natural world. It was almost transformative to be in their midst, laden with the flowers, as if I were about to become a nature spirit one with the fields. The quiet of the fields let me really listen to the ecosystem going on around me. The buzz of insects and the way the wind rustled through the flowers. Truly, a sunflower field is summer incarnate and I made certain to fill my car with lots of summer. 

While I admonish your dear reader to not live in regret, I do have a small regret from our trip. Not having more containers to bring even more sunflowers home! Part of the joy of our trip was having a house filled with sunflowers. Every corner of our living room boasted these bright blooms. It was like we had brought the sunflower fields home with us! They lasted for about a week and a half which more than made the trek worth it, even though there were closer fields nearby which were just as glorious to witness. 

How can you visit a sunflower field?

Unfortunately, most of the sunflower fields will not permit you to cut their flowers by the bucket full. So if you are looking for the ability to bring as much of summer home with you as possible, that may be a bit tricky or cost you quite a bit more than my $10 admission. However, there are plenty of places which offer sunflower fields to visit and photograph. Personally, the bigger the fields the better they are, but do not count out the smaller fields, for their charm. 

I encourage you to take your time when visiting. Don’t fill it up with endless photos but rather take moments to pause and drink in the moment. The blossoms of the sunflowers are the last hurrah of summer before the leaves begin to turn and fall all too quickly becomes winter. Bask in the warmth of the season, let it seep into your bones for you will need those memories when the wind roars and cuts through to your core. Enjoy the brightness of the yellow blossoms, because color will be slowly drained away after one last defiant show by the trees. Take the memories with you into the winter of life so that way when the darkness comes, you can recall the lessons of the sunflower and turn towards the light. 

Completed: Late Summer 2022

Miles from home: 45

Cost: $10

The Long Haul 

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We live in a right now world. We have amazon next day delivery. We have Netflix to stream movies directly to us. We can download our videogames off steam. Instantly find the answer using google. There are few things in life that we have to wait for which fuels our desire for instant gratification. Even a lot of our bucket list items are intended for an afternoon or a week. We spent the week backpacking through a European country, cross it off the list. It may have required some forethought and planning, but it was still done relatively quickly. But what about those things that require a long time, like learning a language or losing a lot weight? How about mastering a skill like blacksmithing or an instrument?

Learn German in 90 days! As someone who took it for 8 years of her life and spent 5 months in the country speaking it, the book is a failure. It wasn’t even useful as a review of the language after not speaking it for nearly 10 years. Get massive biceps gains in just one day with this crazy method! I had nothing to lose but a day, my biceps were sore. They did not grow massively, I assure you. Fad diets and diet pills are probably the worst of these items because not only do they not work in the long run, they can be incredibly damaging. They do not help you keep the weight off and may impact your health in the long term to make managing weight even more difficult than before. 

At the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin. Learning German wasn’t done in a day, but years.

Some of our goals and experiences are going to be things we have to do for the long haul. You want to learn a skill and not just try a skill, you’re going to have to put in the time, effort and sometimes expense to do so. I could do the free version of duolingo but after 5 mistakes, I would either have to wait hours for the hearts to recharge or purchase more hearts. I may as well pay for the monthly plan to help me achieve my language learning goals as I am reviewing German and learning Spanish. I’ve been at it for almost a year now and my German is almost back to where it was at the end of college, and my Spanish is still very basic. Granted, I only spend about 15 minutes a day on either language so because I don’t put in my time, my results aren’t as fast.

If I truly wanted to learn how to forge weapons, I would need to go weekly to the forge, buy my own steel and work hard to develop the skills necessary to make beautiful weapons. Heck if I really wanted to learn how to do it, I would learn smelting as well to master the entire process. Not only would this require time, it would require me to sacrifice other things as well. One can either be a jack of all trades or a master of one. If I spent my time at the forge, I probably wouldn’t have time to devote to my violin. My choosing the violin, I am saying no to many other activities that might fill my time. I’m not drawing or taking photographs. I’m not learning computer programming. Pursuits that I have at times toyed with but ultimately did not devote myself to. 

Sometimes we dabble in things, we may for instance take a six of twelve week course in photography or ceramics. We may take a single lesson in glassblowing or falconry. We know that these things will not confer onto us any modicum of true skill, but the taste is enough to satisfy. These are another form of “good enough” which I discussed in another post. 

However, for something we truly want to master. It requires something we have seemingly precious little of, time. One cannot become fluent in a language with a workshop or a twelve week class. It took me nearly eight years to become conversational in German and that was with semi-daily practice as I took it in both High School and college. It became quite stagnant with disuse. For one to be able to say one is fluent in a language it requires daily practice and use or else the most you will be able to say is that at one time you were fluent, but no longer. Oh it comes back quickly enough when you’re thrown in a situation requiring the language, but you are clumsy and stupid with it, the rules have gotten all muddled up in your brain and really why did the ancients insist on such an obtuse grammatical rule as changing the article based on the case? Why can’t the German “the” be, “Der, die, das, den, dem, or des”?

Taking a glass blowing class: To become proficient would takes weeks, to master would take years.

I encourage you to be judicious with the things you pick and not to overindulge in your ideas of what could be. I devote myself to just a few daily pursuits because frankly, I am a busy person. I haven’t the time to do much else. I have carefully chosen a few things that I want to do well that speak to me personally more than other activities and rarely skip on doing them. Attempting to cram in more items would mean not doing any of them all that well and I may as well not bother with more than the occasional workshop or short course on the subject. 

Now dear reader, you will not be able to become a multilingual, black belt in karate, computer engineer, doctor, guitar player, chess grandmaster, and astronaut, not unless you suddenly come into a lot of wealth and find yourself with both the time, discipline, coaches and tutors to achieve such a thing. Even then I would imagine, it would take a good ten years or so to achieve any of that. If you are not willing to put in the time and effort, it would be best to eliminate the mastery of the thing and go with simply trying the thing instead. There is nothing wrong with that and no shame in the decision. Some people are meant to be jacks-of-all-trades and masters-of-none and there are those who are meant to master one thing and be amazing at it. This is what you must consider dear reader. There are things that you want to accomplish that will not be done on a weekend or in two or three months. They may be life long pursuits that require daily practice to truly achieve the things you want to achieve with them. They will require you to give up other items in order to make room for them. By all means pick that which gives you joy and makes your heart sing. The journey will be long, frustrating and trying, but the reward will be sweet. 

Good Enough

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There are many experiences that absolutely require “authenticity”. They require the larger cultural context of a given region, country, ethnicity, culture, etc. to be the genuine item. There are many others that don’t require much more than themselves. These are the “good enough” items that clear the bar of the Bucket List without the rest of trappings of a given thing (often those trappings require you to hop on a plane and go to a different country). 

I often work backwards to my “good enoughs”. I may find myself dreaming of going to Japan. I may picture walking through a traditional Japanese house, enjoying a tea ceremony, taking in a Japanese garden, visiting one of their Buddhist temples, strolling through the bamboo, seeing the cherry blossoms, eating their street food, and seeing demonstrations of their weaponry and armor. Upon reflection, I realized I could do almost all of these things here in America. I was able to go to the Japanese Gardens with the tea house and enjoy a tea ceremony. I went down to the annual cherry blossom festival in D.C. and enjoyed street food, weapons demonstrations, music, fashion and more. These are my “good enoughs”. I didn’t need to go to Japan in order to say that I experienced the genuine item, because I found them here.

By thinking about a given Bucket List place and considering what I wanted to get out of a trip there, I was able to then build up a list of things to find nearby. I really want to see the lavender fields in France. I found a lavender field within driving distance to go visit, the same with the sunflower fields of Italy and grape stomping. Some things may be more accessible than you might imagine. I have been consistently surprised at what’s in my own backyard and what I could potentially do.

What makes a genuine item, “genuine”? It is often up to our own ideas and definitions. There may be people who say that unless I strolled through the crowded streets of Tokyo and ordered a ramen bowl from a street vendor in Japanese, I didn’t have the real Japanese experience. Perhaps, but I tend to feel that such a view comes from self-important snobs trying to aggrandize their own experiences at the expense of trying to cheapen the experiences of others. Don’t fall for the lie that the only “genuine”, “authentic” thing has to be done in the context of the “homeland” or that the necessary cultural context to appreciate them can only be achieved in a certain location. 

When visiting the rainforest in Costa Rica, they took us into a butterfly house. The butterfly house in Hershey is just as lovely and just as amazing. Unless you are a butterfly expert, you aren’t going to notice that the ones in Hershey, PA are a mix of various tropical butterflies vs. the 100% butterflies exclusively from Costa Rica and frankly, does it matter? Don’t let your friend who is a butterfly expert ruin it for you by telling you how this species would just never be seen in the wild with this other species. It was still amazing to see the butterfly house in the rainforest, but I could have skipped the butterfly house and been perfectly fine. I did go on a small hike through the rainforest after the butterfly house to see a waterfall. For me hiking through the rainforest isn’t something that can be re-created in America. For someone else, maybe the fake rainforest at Disney World is good enough. 

It is up to you to make the decision about what constitutes as “good enough”. If it met the desired outcome of what you wanted then it is good enough and no one gets to decide what that is other than you. You are a unique individual with unique reasons for wanting to have an item on your list. What might be good enough for you isn’t good enough for someone else, but they don’t get to dictate that to you and you don’t get to dictate that to them. 

I have had a tea ceremony at the Japanese Gardens and also in the crowded, noisy basement of a church during a tea festival. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the second more because it was a more intimate affair. It speaks to her skill as a hostess that I do not really remember the crowd or the noise, only the calm and meditative nature of the ceremony. She created a space of serenity among chaos. The noise seemed to melt away as we conversed and made light conversation. I can still taste the tea on my tongue even now. Given that if I did go to Japan and schedule a tea ceremony to achieve the same level of intimacy I would have to pay a fairly high premium. For me, that is good enough and if/when I go to Japan a tea ceremony isn’t something that is going to be on my must do list. That isn’t to say I wouldn’t do one, just it’s not on my list of musts and can be sacrificed to allow me to do something else. 

In fact after meeting so many “good enough”s you may find that certain places begin to lose their appeal. For example, I have been to so many museums with egyptian artifacts that honestly, Egypt isn’t that high on my list of places to go. I would rather see the Mayan pyramids to see pyramids. When I was younger, I had a much stronger desire to see Egypt because what I really wanted to see was the artifacts. However, despite checking off so many things on my Japan list, I still want to go to Japan. For some places, my good enoughs have only enhanced my desire to go whereas for others the desire has decreased. 

Dancing with Wolves

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We humans seem to have a love-hate relationship with wolves. In fairy tales and folklore, wolves are often seen as evil. It was after all the big, bad wolf that ate Little Red Riding Hood and blew down the houses of the three little pigs. Two wolves will herald the apocalypse in Norse Mythology. They were hunted to almost extinction because of their “threat” to farmers and people. Up until more recent times when every supernatural being got a sexy makeover, werewolves were considered hideous monsters. 

Yet, we know that man’s best friend came from a wolf or shared a common ancestor to the wolf. There are also folktales and myths of good wolves. The founders of Rome were raised by a she-wolf.  In Egypt, it was a wolf that separated the heavens and the earth and protected the pharaoh and his army. The Wolf-Kamey of Japan protects people from disease and other disasters. Wolves are totem animals, spirit guides and more. 

Though to be honest many of the apex predators enjoy a similar treatment, bears, tigers, lions and crocodiles to name a few. Most of these are both revered and feared subjected to various treatments depending on the prevailing thought of the day. Unfortunately, for many of these creatures the previous thought was destruction and in some areas continues to be.  Wolves have spent many years on the endangered species list with many of them disappearing from areas they had previously reigned for thousands of years occupying only 10% of their previous range. Their return to places like Yellowstone were hailed across the nation as a huge win for conservation efforts. Their return actually demonstrated how critical they are to other species as their arrival helped support plant life, birds, and other mammals. There is no substitute for an ecosystem’s apex predator. 

One of the larger packs at the sanctuary

With education public support has slowly grown over the years for wolves and with that support people’s love of them. Unfortunately, this has led to some negative consequences for some individual wolves. For some insane, unbeknownst reason, people think that they should keep wolves as pets. They also think that for things like tigers, but I digress. Wild animals are wild animals and are not like your dog. Sadly, this means that they are often mishandled and ill treated. However, because of their intense interaction with humans this also means they are unsuitable to return to the wild. 

This is where the PA Wolf Sanctuary comes in. For over 40 years, they have provided a home for wolves and wolf-dog hybrids where these beautiful creatures can live out their days in an environment suited to their needs with people who understand and can properly care for them. In order to support the care of their over 50 wolves, they offer educational tours where you can get close to the wolves, hear their stories and learn about these amazing animals. 

I first visited the sanctuary in college with my now ex-boyfriend. The tour was a small intimate affair of only a handful of people. This allowed us to linger near the wolves and really take them in. It’s hard to describe these majestic creatures in words. They are clearly very intelligent and inquisitive. They watch you with a certain intensity with eyes ranging in color from golden yellow to deep amber. The pack moves together with grace and purpose. You find yourself holding your breath as you take them in and then, the spell is broken and they remind you that they can be big, lovable goofs. 

My sister and I embarking on an early November excursion to see the wolves in their glory!

Your face cracks into a smile and then a delighted laugh at their antics as they play with one another. You watch them splay out their front paws, their faces low to the ground in the universal “play bow”, much like your own dog at home. They wrestle and chase one another with the elders nearby to supervise. 

The juxtaposition of their graceful, majestic selves and clown hints at their complex personalities and individuality. They become more than just a “wolf” they become Freya, Odin, Scandal, Kodie and Rumor. You fall in love with them as you hear their stories and you connect with them through the fence. Spending time with them is truly an honor and you leave even more committed to their preservation because it’s not just about fighting to save the “wolves” but wolves like Violet, Fenrir and Vivian Laurel of the Serenity Pack. They are truly ambassadors of their species. 

I had the pleasure of visiting again years later with my sister during one of their full moon fundraisers. What I hadn’t expected was the sheer explosion of popularity in the interim of my first full moon tour and my much more recent tour. What had been a small affair of perhaps a dozen people had exploded to be hundreds. The place was absolutely packed with people and cars. I was understandably a little disappointed by the large crowd. When one is expecting a quiet evening, it can be a bit shocking. 

However, it is important to adjust one’s expectations when confronted with reality and not allow such things to ruin your fun. There are times when the unexpected can truly make an experience extraordinary. This was not the case this time, but we got to see the wolves at a time of day when they are most active. In being mindful to be flexible and maneuverable with regards to our expectations, we were still able to have a wonderful evening. 

Some of them came really close to visit us, you could almost forget they’re wild animals

How can you visit wolves?

There are not many dedicated wolf only sanctuaries throughout the country, but there are plenty of zoos and other wildlife encounters that feature them. The biggest drawback to this option will of course be the lack of dedicated guides for the wolves that you see and of course seeing fewer of them. However, you can still get up close to these beautiful animals and learn about their species. Check the calendar to see if there are any dedicated programs for wolves specifically at your local zoo or other wildlife encounters. As with any activity involving animals, it is important to do research into the entity beforehand to ensure you aren’t unintentionally contributing to animal abuse. The Wolf Sanctuary is a well respected institution and known for its extraordinary care of the wolves.  

Completed: 2007

Miles from home: 8.2

Cost: Guided tour $25/Private tour $45 

Some suggestions for Wolf Sanctuaries throughout the United States: 

Apex Protection Project in California

Wolf Mountain Sanctuary California

Seacrest Wolf Preserve Florida

Wolf Creek Habitat Indiana

Predators of the Heart Washington

Howling Acres Wolf Spirit Arkansas

W.O.L.F. Sanctuary Colorado

Run With Wolves Maine

Endangered Wolf Center Missouri

Howling Woods Farm New Jersey

My Pack of Wolves Ohio 

Saint Frances Wolf Sanctuary Texas

Stay Local: Buy Local

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There is a movement of staying local and buying local. The idea is based on a simple economic principle that if you want to have a strong local community you need to keep your money in that community. If I go and buy a hand thrown piece of pottery from the local gallery and pay $30 bucks for it, that is $5 dollars to the owner of the gallery and $25 to a local artist. That they can then take to the local grocery story and if they buy locally grown produce that’s $30 to a local farmer who can then go and buy their goods at the gallery or perhaps purchase a service I’m offering. Not to mention that each time that money is spent, there is a small tax paid to the local and state government. Taxes which are spent on public goods that you use everyday. When money stays local it benefits the whole community which benefits you. 

Now if I go onto etsy and order the same mug for $30, well first less money to the artist because $5 for the shipping and handling, plus the cost of the box and shipping materials, then etsy gets its cut and so we’ll say $20 goes to the artist. Well now that $20 is in his community and he’s paying his local farmers for their local produce, etc. So you’ve benefited their community and not yours. So if given the choice between spending $30 for a locally produced item or $30 on an item not from here, I’m going to choose my local producer. 

The same can be said of travel. There is a reason why so much is invested in tourism. Tourism is a huge industry that attracts tons of outside money into your local community. States spend thousands on advertising to people not living nearby to come to where you live.? I remember the story my 8th grade history teacher told of some tourists that had come to my area. He asked them semi-perplexed “why would you come here?” They said their choice for their family was between Amish Country and Disney World. Amish Country won out. My whole class was flabbergasted, who one earth would want to come here of all places? The answer is a lot of people. No matter where you live, there are people who are paying lots of money to go there or at least to a place nearby. They are bringing a lot of money into your local area and not putting it into their local economy. 

Which begs the question if people are  paying lots of money to come to your area and are supporting local businesses while doing it, shouldn’t you check it out too? After all, they’re paying a lot of money to come there, maybe your town isn’t as boring as you think. Shouldn’t you consider keeping your money in the local community? I’ve already outlined why keeping your money in your local area is so important. Your own leaders wouldn’t spend so much money trying to get more money into the economy if it wasn’t important. 

One other thing to consider is that by encouraging locals to enjoy these venues and events it keeps a certain amount of leverage with the tourism industry. I’ve written about overtourism. Often calls to curb tourism by locals fall upon deaf ears as the response by politicians is typically something about the local community being reliant upon these tourists. However, if the local population are the ones going to these areas then they can say “actually, we’re huge supporters so we don’t need these tourists”.  

This is just one of the many reasons I choose to travel less. I am keeping my community strong all while living richly. It turns out being a budget bucket lister is good for my wallet and my neighbor’s. 

Things that should not be on your list

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I should hope that in your explorations of my various posts that it is fairly clear that I wholeheartedly and enthusiastically encourage you to add things that are authentic to you to your list with almost no limitations. If for you a bucket list item is finally baking the perfect cake, then by all means put it on your list. If saving up money to follow your favorite band across the country on tour – go for it!

However, there are some things that I strongly discourage and believe should not grace anyone’s bucket list. Namely items that are harmful or exploitative. Now, I won’t get down too deeply into the various nuances of exploitation and how almost everything we do is exploiting someone in someway, so there may be times when it seems like we’re splitting hairs. However, there are some activities that are quite clearly harmful to engage in. 

Take the ever popular animal encounters. Many of them are quite fine and benefit both the animal and the people. But not every animal encounter is good, some are down right evil. Take baby tiger encounters, if someone is able to make a business entirely out of baby animal interactions you can almost be certain that the animals are being harmed. I would no sooner go to a puppy mill and pay them to interact with their puppies, but that is essentially what you would be doing. After all, animals don’t stay small and cute for long. Where are these babies coming from? How do they keep a continuous supply of baby animals? Where do they go when they grow up? Babies that are being constantly handled by humans are certainly not going back into the wild nor are they probably going to zoos.

It is important to consider if these animals are bred for human interaction, what sort of enclosure do they have, does the facility have any sort of accreditation such as the The Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) the gold standard for the industry, are there limits to group size, is it an animal led interaction and how likely is it that this is an animal that is being exploited? Some animals are much more likely to be part of a larger system of exploitation such as elephants. As much as I would love to interact with an elephant, unless it’s an encounter at a zoo or other facility with a fairly stringent accreditation, I won’t be participating in it. There are many stories coming out of Asia where even at places “meant” to help the elephants are actually places where they are being exploited and harmed.

Dolphin Encounter

When I was in Bermuda and I had the opportunity to do a dolphin encounter. Before even signing up for it, I started to do research into whether this was an ethical thing for me to do as I had read that many dolphin encounters in the Caribbean were harmful to the dolphins. I was pleased to see they had several accreditations and even reached out to one of my friends who worked at a zoo to see what she thought. She affirmed in her own investigation the organization seemed above board. With the best of intentions, I signed up for the encounter. 

My caution was rewarded because when I went they kept the groups of visitors small and it was a dolphin led encounter. This meant that they opened the doors whichever dolphin showed up was the dolphin we would work with. The dolphins got to decide on the limits for themselves and make the decision to come or go. Honestly even the “enclosure” they were in, was really a net in the open water. The entire pod could have left at any time with a simple jump out to freedom. It was as effective at keeping them in as a one foot fence might be at keeping your dog in your yard. I am quite happy to recommend the encounter to people as positive for both people and dolphins. I did my research and had an amazing experience. I also don’t have to live with the guilt and even shame of having done something to harm these beautiful creatures that I adore because I took time to reflect first. The same could not have been said had I given into temptation and gone to cuddle the baby tigers. 

Another common area for harm is the environment though this one is a bit fuzzy. Still, I encourage you to do your research and see if what you’re about to embark on is going to be drastically harmful. Releasing items up into the sky is a decided red flag as what goes up must come down. Balloons kill thousands of animals every year because of balloon releases. Would you really kill an animal for a few hours of fun? (We’ll table the hunting debate for now, I’m not referencing hunting.) When I decided to engage in a lantern fest, part of what I was paying for in my ticket price was for the clean up after the event. The lantern was 90% biodegradable and they had a significant rate of lantern recovery of between 85 – 95%. They had an agreement with the local land management that if lanterns were recovered after the event they would donate a certain amount of money to conservation of the land per lantern recovered. It meant that I was confident in my engagement with the activity as something that was minimally harmful to the local environment. Once again, it’s about doing your research and figuring out where you draw the line. For some people, releasing anything into the air is too harmful and risky to be worth it. For some people, my choice to go on a cruise is too much. 

Lantern Fest

This post should not be read as some sort of permission to name and shame. It’s to make you really consider the potential consequences of your actions and to be willing to re-assess past decisions in light of new information. Take the ever popular, simple and seemingly harmless practice of rock stacking. Stacking rocks has been made so popular by social media, the national park service has started to ask people to knock them down as the practice is becoming increasingly harmful to the environment. It turns out, the small animals that need those rocks are the bedrock of the entire ecosystem and we were destroying them with our little instagram pictures. Apparently, If we want the wolves to stick around, we need to leave those rocks be. Things we would never think of as harmful can be devastating. 

Unfortunately, the exploitation of people is probably the most fuzzy area, even though it seems like it should be easiest. This is mostly because there is so much exploitation of people in the tourism industry it is almost impossible not to end up in its clutches. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, do your research. Cruises are notorious for their poor treatment of the crew. Certain cruise lines are the typical offenders whereas others have pretty good reputations. Some hotels hold people in semi-domestic slavery. Others may be hubs of sex trafficking. I won’t publish a list here because these things can change overtime with changes in management and leadership. I certainly don’t want people coming to me later saying that I said a certain line was okay only to find out five years later it’s now one of the worst offenders. 

Going on a mission or service trip may seem like the least exploitive thing you can do, but it can actually be one of the worst things you can do. There are stories of people going to orphanages to give toys that the children never see, or shoes the children will never get to wear. Essentially, saving the “poor orphans” is the thing the company is selling and if there aren’t “poor orphans” they lose their product. They can’t be saved if they’re already living in a beautiful facility provided with toys, food and clothing? 

Handing out food in Haiti

If you go to build houses, you can be assured that there was a group of local professionals who had to come in after you to fix all your mistakes just so you could feel good about what you were doing. There are other tales of churches being painted multiple times in the same summer by various youth groups robbing the locals of a job and money. These weren’t service trips, these were tourism experiences disguised as service. This isn’t to say every mission trip was like that and that by going you are robbing locals of business and self-sufficiency. However, it’s a good idea to question what you’re being asked to do. Are you doing something that is within your expertise or skillset or something you’d call a professional to do? If it’s a company that is consistently sending people to the same place, then why is it in such dire straits all the time? 

Finally, things that go against your ethics and morals should never be on your list. Do your research and use your brain to ask the questions. As you learn more, the questions will begin to seem more and more obvious to ask. Additionally, if you engage in something and then later discover that you did participate in something that goes against your morals and ethics, it may be best to simply leave it off the “list”. This isn’t to hide it or out of a sense of shame. It is so the inclusion of it doesn’t encourage others to do it. For example, I did ride an elephant as a child long before the internet was widely available and the concerns for the elephants had reached my parents. All I knew was that I loved elephants and I got to ride one. However, you won’t see it on my list and other than this brief aside, I don’t think I will publish it elsewhere. This is to discourage elephant rides as I’m not celebrating it as a bucket list item that I have done. When we leave those sorts of things on our list, it is a celebration of that experience and it isn’t an experience worthy of celebration. 

Not everyone’s morals and ethics will align. I already mentioned hunting, lantern releases and cruises. Some people may find consumption of any animal or animal product to be abhorrent. There are activist throwing soup at art because they feel the environmental impact of the museums is too much and so seeing the Mona Lisa probably isn’t something they’d have on their list. For me, cuddling a baby tiger isn’t something I’ll probably ever do because I cannot think of an ethical way to do it. This is a personal decision that you have to make and live with, but I will encourage you to continue to learn about the ethical practices of a given activity. One more reason for staying closer to home, it’s a bit easier for you to find out what’s actually going on.