In the age of social media, we are constantly being shown a carefully curated montage of other people’s lives whether that be our own friends and family or influencers. The pressure to present this picturesque life is almost constant, while the algorithms feed us a never ending message of inadequacy and insecurity. Not only that but influencers show us a steady stream of items, experiences and getaways that would “cure” all those pesky problems that we face.
I recently heard someone say “you can’t out consume an influencer.” Influencers are often given the items that they show us and can often turn around and sell those items. The items they do have to purchase are tax deductible and considered a business expense. They are paid to consume whereas the rest of us have to use our hard earned money to try and keep up with them. Not only are they getting paid to consume, many of them are making above the median income of $74,000. I certainly don’t make $74000. So yes, you can’t out consume an influencer.
No matter what you do, there will always be someone who makes more than you, is more successful, has a bigger house, goes to more places, does more things, buys more items and is considered “ahead.” Even if you manage to become the “top dog” of your current social group by moving up, you will expand your social group to include other people who are “higher status” than you. One of the reasons why when people move up the social ladder they continue to struggle to make it, is because they are trying to keep up. They get a promotion and make an extra $20,000 a year, but then they buy a better car, move to a better house, pretty soon that 20,000 isn’t going as far as it could have had they stayed where they were. But where they were often wasn’t that comfortable or perhaps, the “Joneses” convinced them that what they had wasn’t good enough.
It’s important to remember these things when considering your bucket list. I shared that I often go on an “adventure” about once a month. Most of the time it’s with my sister on our sister dates. This means that I have to pick and choose what I want to do when because I don’t have lots of time or money to be spending every weekend or most of my evenings out. Sometimes, this means putting an event on the calendar for next year in order to be able to go to a different one. Sometimes it means skipping out on something entirely.
Not every activity needs to be done or event attended. If it’s not for you don’t do it, even if it seems like the popular thing to do. You have limited time and resources so spend them wisely. It may be tempting to try and start to push the schedule to do more than once, maybe twice a month, especially when my feed starts to get filled up with events, activities, people doing things and going places. However, going out all the time means not resting and I have cats at home who have emotional needs that I am obligated to meet as their guardian. Besides, snuggling cats is on my bucket list.
Snuggling my little baby kitten!
Remember saying no to something, allows you to say yes to something else. Saying no to going out each weekend, allowed me to say yes to having pets. Saying no to some more expensive experiences, allowed me to say yes to going on a cruise with my family. Once we free ourselves of trying to keep up appearances and out competing the social media algorithm, we can start making real choices for ourselves that help us create real meaning in our experiences. We have to remember that what we often see is a facade hiding.
How many celebrities have we seen over the years share their struggles with depression, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy? How many stories have we read about the ultra rich with their empty marriages and loveless families? There are certainly celebrities that are quite happy and ultra rich who have wonderful families, but they did not create their fulfilling lives from chasing things and trying to keep up with others. Trying to keep up often fuels the negative feelings about ourselves. Recognize that you are enough, as you are. You are not your job, you are not your income, you are not less than because you have less, your value is not predicated on the things you have.
Having a bucket list has many benefits, but it should not be used to compare yourself to others or as a measuring stick of your self-worth. It isn’t about keeping up with the Joneses, it’s about living your best life right where you are.
There are many reasons to learn a language and this is something I often see on people’s bucket list. However, unlike many of the bucket list items where it is easily checked off in an afternoon, this one takes time and dedication to achieve. I know there are many different ideas around what it means to learn a language. For some people unless you are able to carry out a completely fluent conversation, you did not learn a language. For others, they may say that being able to order food at a restaurant and make their most basic needs known is being fluent. There is an international standard for language learning which goes from A1 to C2 with most countries enforcing a B1 limit on new citizens. Hence the phrase “B1 and done”. It is also nebulous in that it is a skill that needs maintenance.
I double majored in both psychology and German, but I used my psychology degree and not my German degree. I probably would have tested at a B1 or B2 at the time of my graduation, but I would currently test at an A2 level. When I first started reviewing German after a nearly ten year hiatus, I probably would have been at an A1, which demonstrates that if you don’t use it, you lose it. In the ten plus years between graduation and now, I had not used my German at all, which begs the question if in almost ten years I didn’t need it and even now don’t need it, why bother at all?
There are many reasons to learn a language that people quote, the most common, are probably B.S. for most people. How often do we encounter people from other places to establish cross-cultural friends, see a job that requires it or travel? Being a native English speaker I am blessed to know one of the most commonly spoken languages in the world, as such I have not had the difficulty of making cross-cultural friends. Over the years, I have connected with many individuals from Asia, China, South America, Africa and even the Caribbean. I’m on servers with people from all over the globe and we all speak English.
Visiting Berlin during my semester abroad
Now some people will argue that by refusing to be monolingual and expecting the world to accommodate you, that people will find that interesting or commendable. I have had mixed reviews from non-English speakers. I have been berated for not learning their language. Surprisingly enough, I was in Germany for my semester abroad and the Spaniard in the class was telling me that I insulted him by not choosing to learn Spanish. I have also been told by Germans that I shouldn’t bother to learn German and my attempts to do so were offensive and basically unless I was already fluent not to bother them. These were not the most encouraging interactions in my language learning process. I have had other very positive experiences from people when I’ve worked to learn their language, just don’t expect the process to always yield positive results.
As for jobs, unless you are in a particular sector of the economy that will be sending people abroad or working with a particular population in the human services, chances are you will not be needing anything other than English. Travel, as I have noted on this blog before, is something that we don’t really engage with more than a week (if we’re lucky) each year.
To be honest, everyone is going to come to this with their own reasons. They may be doing it for their job, for travel, to expand their mind – increase memory, creativity, attention span, and logical thinking – to get outside their own culture, to better understand languages as a whole, to improve their own native language skills, and for just plain fun. There are people who learn “fake” languages or Conlangs such as Klingon, Na’vi and Dothraki. The desire comes from wanting to fully immerse themselves in a fictionalized world and to connect with others, who like them, are obsessed with the fandom. Some people know every single fact about Taylor Swift’s life; others can hold conversations in High Valyrian. To each their own fandom!
For my own part, I have wanted to learn another language ever since I was young. I felt it was another way to explore the world. To me culture and language were linked and to truly understand a place, I needed to speak the language of that place. I loved learning about other cultures and in particular Irish and German topped my list because that’s what my family is, a mixture of Scots-Irish and German. Our area is predominately of German descent and has many German cultural influences thanks to the strong Amish and Mennonite community here. It’s quite common for us to use German phrases in English such as “it’s all” in order to say “it’s all gone” or “throw me down a pair a socks” which harkens back to the use of German reflective verbs. These are things that are unique to our area not usually found in other places of the English speaking world.
Marburg Castle, Germany
I originally tried French because of my desire to go into music and my mother really pushed for me to do French. Honestly, as a dyslexic, French is terrible. The spelling is an incomprehensible mess and I have no words. German on the other hand is actually pretty easy to spell as it is fairly consistent and logical. So in 9th grade, I made the switch to German and I’ve never looked back. Although, I am interested in learning French so long as I don’t ever have to spell anything in it.
It hasn’t always been fun. This isn’t an afternoon jaunt, this is a long slough of cognitive challenges and mind bending grammar, oblique turns of phrases and baffling cultural norms. People who gush about learning language as “fun” and “interesting” have obviously not had to spend hours trying to comprehend the ridiculousness of irregular verbs or trying to master der, die and das. A car could be der wagon or das auto, it’s a car, it should be the same gender but it’s not! There are legitimate historical reasons for this quirk, but I digress. Yet, it was always worth it to me.
Berlin Wall
Does it help me connect with others? I don’t know that it has. I haven’t found it necessary to know anything other than English, because it is one of the most common secondary languages. Some people will claim that learning a language, especially as a native English speaker when you don’t have to, makes you more interesting.
I have had mixed reviews from non-English speakers. I have been berated for not learning their language. Surprisingly enough, I was in Germany for my semester abroad and the Spaniard in the class was telling me that I insulted him by not choosing to learn Spanish and that it was clearly the superior language. I wanted to tell him that I should be commended for learning anything at all when the whole world is geared towards me not learning. I have also been told by Germans that I shouldn’t bother to learn German and my attempts to do so were offensive. Basically unless I was already fluent, I had no right to speak to them, which was baffling because how was I supposed to become fluent if I didn’t try speaking with native speakers? These were not the most encouraging interactions in my language learning process. I have had other very positive experiences from people when I’ve worked to learn their language, just don’t expect the process to always yield positive results.
However, it has been an incredibly rewarding journey to learn German and later on, Spanish. It did afford me a semester abroad which greatly expanded my horizons in the world. It has allowed me to make connections with people in my own travels that I would not otherwise be able to make. Twice, I have ended up befriending, even for an afternoon, small groups of German tourists who were delighted that I knew German. I have seen it build up connections between myself and my clients when I have spoken to them in Spanish and Haitian Creole. It hasn’t always been easy to master the languages. It has been confusing and frustrating especially when I know that I used to be able to communicate at a much higher level, but sadly time has eroded the skill.
Stefi, the adorable German woman I met while visiting Boston
I also developed a greater appreciation for those who are coming to America who don’t know the language, the challenges they face when trying to navigate our systems and the requirements on them to know how to communicate. I understand the history of Germany from their perspective and how that history unfolded. It’s given me a deeper understanding of our own history as told from an outside perspective. In the simplest terms, learning a language has expanded my horizons in ways I didn’t know it would do. Oftentimes we travel to immerse ourselves in a place, but without the language, we only dip our toe in the waters, when we learn a language we can immerse ourselves deeply without ever having to leave the couch. When we do finally arrive at a place, it’s almost like being at the house of an old friend. It’s familiar and it just “fits”. For me, staying in Germany for five months was very much like staying at a friend’s house that I’ve visited many times before. It wasn’t home, but it very much could be.
How can you learn a language?
Most of you aren’t going to be able to go to school and just join a class and college classes are extremely expensive and probably more time than you have. There are many books, computer programs and apps out there to use. I’ve used Duolingo myself and found it to be decent for reviewing my German, but not as good for learning my Spanish. The app designer himself said that he was more interested in “gamifying” language learning than being the most effective way to learn. His justification was that any learning is better than no learning and the best way to keep you learning was to focus on making it an addictive game you wanted to keep playing. There are lots of other apps available and don’t just pick the most popular because it might not be what you’re looking for. I haven’t really found other methods like books, flashcards or listening to be all that effective for me, but everyone is different, what works for me may be terrible for you. The great thing about today’s world is that it has never been easier to get access to information and tools for learning and most of it is fairly accessible. Rosetta Stone is famously good, but also famously expensive. Myself and my mom are both on the same family plan for duolingo at about $10 per month.
I think it’s important to acknowledge that many bucket list items contain cultural experiences especially when traveling. Before going further, I understand this post may ignite some heated conversations. Please, be respectful and extend understanding and grace to one another, this post is intended to encourage us all to be respectful of one another’s cultures and differences. It is not intended to guilt or shame people, and I am open to constructive, respectful feedback.
While cultural experiences can be very exciting, it can also lead to some unfortunate incidents. Even when we’re trying to engage in good faith, we may find ourselves interacting with significant, even sacred, cultural artifacts, rituals and traditions and if we don’t understand what we’re doing, we risk offense or worse. We may find ourselves attracted to the aesthetic of a culture without understanding its significance or true nature and end up utilizing items in a completely inappropriate and disrespectful manner.
Take the 90’s henna tattoo trend which was imported to the West from India. Henna is used for marriage ceremonies. The patterns utilized have deep spiritual meaning and importance. So it must have been a bit of a surprise to them to see women and girls using henna tattoos as a fun activity to do at the beach. Westerns saw them as fun, decorative temporary fashion accessories rather than tied to the ritual of marriage. Was it wrong? Perhaps. Not knowing the history, I am uncertain if it was a conscious effort on the part of Indians to share and market their culture to the west or someone from the west seeing it, thinking its pretty and selling it to girls here. Which is the much more likely story.
The Japanese Embassy here in the US invited people to come and learn how to properly wear a Kimono. The Japanese Society in Philadelphia invites the public to participate in their tea ceremonies. Hence, I am much more comfortable engaging in those sorts of things, than, say getting a Henna tattoo or box braids. For me, one is a purposeful cultural exchange, undertaken willingly by the people themselves and often comes with a sense of cultural context. The other was taken without the understanding of the culture, not untaken by the people to whom it came from and delivered to the rest of the world without a cultural context to understand it. Despite its prevalence everywhere in my childhood, it wasn’t until I was in college that I learned that Henna was tied specifically to marriage and religious festivals. I still think it’s beautiful, but until I get a sense that Indians are setting up henna tattoo stations at the mall and selling it to us willingly, I’m going to pass.
The box braids are a little more tricky because when I’ve gone to places in the Caribbean, I do see local women offering to braid anyone’s hair. It does appear to be a willing exchange of cultural expression. During my mission trip to Haiti, the women seemed to sincerely want us to participate in that part of their culture with them. It checked my boxes of are these people freely and willingly offering us this part of their culture without coercion as part of an exchange. However, if I came back to the United States with braids, it might be seen in a very different light, not as a symbol of acceptance and friendship but of stolen identity from a subculture I have not been invited to. Sometimes people within the same group may disagree on what is allowable to share and what’s not. Context matters. Do your best to engage in good faith.
Luckily, for most of the items in this blog, we’re in the United States, so it’s not quite as tricky to navigate when it’s okay in one place but not okay back home as in that example. However, it is still tricky when engaging with a culture not your own. Whether you’re near your house or not, when entering another person’s cultural space, you are no longer home and you are an outsider. Which means, you cannot simply show up and demand to participate. The first step is of course to be invited.
In general, anything open to the general public means you’ve been invited. So cultural festivals, demonstrations, concerts and parades are usually safe to assume you can come regardless of whether you’re part of the group or not, you’re a guest. It doesn’t mean you’re an “honored’ guest, you may be a tolerated one. You can reach out to a group that meets in public places and inquire if you are permitted to join, but you should not impose yourself. If there is a group dedicated to Italian Heritage and you’re not Italian, they would have every right to politely decline you attending their next dinner even if they did book it in the park or other public place. However, if they hold an Italian Festival in the park, by all means partake in the festivities. The festival is a place for them to showcase their culture, share their traditions, have us try their food, hear their music, and take pride in themselves.
Now there are some things that aren’t quite as clear cut as them putting up a banner that says “all are welcome”. My main filter is to go back to what I said earlier to some basic questions like are these people from the culture themselves, are they willingly engaging in this exchange and not due to some sort of exploitation, is there a sense of cultural context to this experience or is it divorced from the larger culture? I may ask some further filter questions to determine in the moment if I should or should not engage such as is this invitation being extended by an individual whom I have come to know well out of friendship, or a commercial venture which exploitation is more likely? Is this activity linked to any sacred or religious rituals or traditions? Am I in a place where that person is of the dominant culture or in a place where they are the minority? Even if we are in say Chinatown does that mean that they’re still the dominant culture for this area?
This isn’t to say that you should do one or the other thing, I’m only sharing with you my process for when I’m trying to determine if I am invited or imposing. The henna tattoo seems like an imposition to me, but I’m not going to tell you, dear reader, what to do or not to do. For some my threshold is too high, for others my threshold is too low. This is not intended to shame anyone or imply they are a bad person if they get a henna tattoo. I’m still learning and evolving. Maybe in a few years, I’ll come to a different conclusion and a different way to filter when I’m a guest, when I’m an imposition and when I absolutely should not participate. The point is for us to at least consider the question to try and do better than we did before in order to be respectful of others. After all, wouldn’t we want the same consideration when people come to our home towns?
As you can see, my shirt was not considered appropriate for many of the churches in Rome as it bared my shoulders.
The second step is of course to act the part of the guest. A humble, curious spirit goes a long way. If possible, try to do a little research beforehand of proper etiquette especially if going to a culturally significant celebration. A festival in the park with music and food is a bit different than say a procession honoring a Catholic Saint. For example, in Rome I was required to have my shoulders covered when visiting many of the churches. Not having known this beforehand, I had to hastily purchase a shawl to cover my shoulders in order to spare myself the embarrassment of being turned away when I packed a tube top shirt. That was not the time to go on a rant or argument about women’s bodies and whether it was right to insist I cover it up. I was a guest of their city, in their sacred spaces, and I did not have the right to impose my culture and beliefs on them.
The third is to be open to learning and respectfully asking questions. Your questions should not be made with condescension or from the idea that what they’re doing is wrong or strange. Remember, you’re the strange one in this relationship. If you are corrected on a misstep, respond with gratitude and humility rather than defensiveness. I always make the analogy to stepping on someone’s toes. You may not have meant to step on someone’s toes, but you did. The polite, socially acceptable thing to do is apologize and be more careful where you put your feet. Be willing to get uncomfortable and try new things, that is after all the whole point otherwise you may as well have stayed in your own place.
The key principle behind all of these ideas is to be respectful of other people. Their culture isn’t your playground and they aren’t a Disney ride at Epoc. You wouldn’t show up at someone else’s house uninvited and just start messing with their stuff, getting in the way and taking their things as yours. You wouldn’t rudely tell them that their house sucks and that your house is way better. You wouldn’t demand that they make special food just for you and redecorate. The point of traveling is to experience different things and to be a little bit uncomfortable. That’s how we grow. We just don’t want our growth to be at the expense of other people and we often don’t grow very much when it is at other people’s expense. I’m not the definitive expert on this topic, but I do think it’s an important topic to consider when venturing out in the world. Hopefully as you sally forth on your own cultural experiences this short post helps you be a better global sojourner.
“I don’t think there’s anything on this planet that more trumpets life that the sunflower. For me, that’s because of the reason behind its name. Not because it looks like the sun but because it follows the sun. During the course of the day, the head tracks the journey of the sun across the sky. A satellite dish for sunshine. Wherever light is, no matter how weak, these flowers will find it. And that’s such an admirable thing. And such a lesson in life.” – Tim Firth
I have always loved sunflowers, but after hearing that quote, I adored them. I loved that they followed the light even when the sun was hidden away. No matter how dark their world becomes they turn to the light. Isn’t that just what we humans fail to do so often when our lives become darkened? What a beautiful reminder and how special it is that they do so resemble the sun to give us some of the light they have taken into themselves?
When one thinks of sunflower fields, one may think of the endless fields of Tuscany and forget to look in one’s own backyard. I will say that sunflower fields have been gaining popularity, at least in my area with farmers now taking time to plant fields for visitors to come and enjoy. Most will allow you to leave with a single memento of your visit. One flower to bring you sunshine. At Second Mountain, you are encouraged to bring as many containers as you can because for just a few dollars, you can pick as many sunflowers as you desire! And I did!
My mother and I drove up at the very end of the sunflower season to catch the last blooms of the season. We had been carefully awaiting this for almost a year as we had learned of this hidden gem to the north of us from a work colleague shortly after the sunflower season had ended. Unfortunately, peak sunflower season is in August which usually has beastly weather of heat and humidity. Being as my mother is an asthmatic those two are not the greatest combination for her being able to enjoy the great outdoors. Being allergic to bees, it was important for me to avoid warmer days when they would be more active, so we carefully watched both their facebook page and the weather, hoping for just the right conditions. Finally, at the end of the season the weather was just right; we packed up our car with containers and made the hour-long drive up north.
Even in their last days the fields were a glorious feast for the eyes. The vibrant flowers naturally were turned towards the evening sun. A rock cover band played in the background, which if you enjoy such things, I am certain it added to the enjoyment. Not being a fan of such things, I did not find it particularly enjoyable. I would have preferred a cello performance or swing band, but to each their own. I am not one to dictate to others what sort of music they can listen to or even if music should be playing. Just if you do visit a field with live music, bring your earbuds or headphones so that you can put on something you do enjoy if the music isn’t to your taste. Then again, even if there isn’t a live band, bring them anyway. It is good to have music close at hand to enhance an experience or help drown out unpleasant noise. The small crowd of people were taking photos and harvesting flowers. I took some time to photograph the sunflowers to help capture the glory of the fields, even the ones who were nearing the end of their life cycle.
Perhaps, I am a bit gothic in nature, but I always found the end of the growing season to be beautiful in its own right. There is a certain loveliness to the death of a flower; having lived brilliantly and gloriously, it now loses its color, going quietly into that good night to make way for the next season. There is a quiet stillness about it as it is no longer abuzz with visitors, often robbed of its seeds by birds or other creatures. It is only a shadow of itself, like an echo. What struck me as even in their last days, they still were turned faithfully to the sun, never losing the light.
Turning back to the brighter field, I gathered up sunflowers in my arms until I could carry no more. Walking through the golden sea, with my arms filled with flowers felt almost surreal, as if I had entered a dream. The flowers stand proud as if they are sentinels of the very sun itself. Stray breezes wind their way through the fields causing some to break their vigil to dance, perhaps rebelliously, but more likely for the sheer joy of our closest star.
Personally, I enjoyed the fields most when the band was quiet and I could simply enjoy the wonder of nature. To have time to disconnect from the world and tune into the natural world. It was almost transformative to be in their midst, laden with the flowers, as if I were about to become a nature spirit one with the fields. The quiet of the fields let me really listen to the ecosystem going on around me. The buzz of insects and the way the wind rustled through the flowers. Truly, a sunflower field is summer incarnate and I made certain to fill my car with lots of summer.
While I admonish your dear reader to not live in regret, I do have a small regret from our trip. Not having more containers to bring even more sunflowers home! Part of the joy of our trip was having a house filled with sunflowers. Every corner of our living room boasted these bright blooms. It was like we had brought the sunflower fields home with us! They lasted for about a week and a half which more than made the trek worth it, even though there were closer fields nearby which were just as glorious to witness.
How can you visit a sunflower field?
Unfortunately, most of the sunflower fields will not permit you to cut their flowers by the bucket full. So if you are looking for the ability to bring as much of summer home with you as possible, that may be a bit tricky or cost you quite a bit more than my $10 admission. However, there are plenty of places which offer sunflower fields to visit and photograph. Personally, the bigger the fields the better they are, but do not count out the smaller fields, for their charm.
I encourage you to take your time when visiting. Don’t fill it up with endless photos but rather take moments to pause and drink in the moment. The blossoms of the sunflowers are the last hurrah of summer before the leaves begin to turn and fall all too quickly becomes winter. Bask in the warmth of the season, let it seep into your bones for you will need those memories when the wind roars and cuts through to your core. Enjoy the brightness of the yellow blossoms, because color will be slowly drained away after one last defiant show by the trees. Take the memories with you into the winter of life so that way when the darkness comes, you can recall the lessons of the sunflower and turn towards the light.
There are times when I do travel. At the time of this writing, I have gone on two cruises, spent a semester abroad, completed a mission trip and traveled a number of times over several states. I am not opposed to travel, though I have stated there are drawbacks to traveling especially when so many things may already be in your backyard if you just take the time to look. However, there may be things or experiences that just require travel. For example, I wanted to see a total solar eclipse. Not living in a place where that was happening in my lifetime, I was forced to travel. If you want to see the Great Wall of China you have to go to china.
Given the drawbacks to travel, environmental impact, overtourism, money involved in traveling, participating in exploitative practices, etc. it is important to make the most of your travels when you travel to minimize these drawbacks. As with everything else, do your research and be picky. When I went on my two cruises it may have been tempting to lounge about on the many sandy beaches. However as someone who is only a two to three hour drive from the beach, that wasn’t an activity high on my list. I remember distinctly telling my travel companions that if we were going to sit around on a beach we may as well drive to Maryland or New Jersey and save ourselves the time and expense as honestly beaches are fairly universal. Sand? Check. Ocean? Check. Beach. If you, dear reader, are living in the midwestern part of the United States, including a beach day in your cruise makes sense, for those of us from the coasts, we probably should consider other options.
Something I am mindful to do when traveling is to consider what are things that I simply cannot do in my own backyard? That isn’t to say that I refrain from doing anything that I can do in my own backyard, more that if given the choice of various activities, I will prioritize the ones that I cannot do or cannot do easily. When I went to Aruba, I opted to get on a submarine, as that wasn’t something I couldn’t easily do off the New Jersey shore. I saw the Panama Canal in Panama because it is a unique piece of engineering not replicated elsewhere in the world. I went to the Rain Forest in Costa Rica because like the Panama Canal, the rainforest simply can’t be replicated. That isn’t to say I didn’t go to the beach at all, I did pick one or two days that included the beach. It just wasn’t my first priority and the days I did go to the beach it was an add on to another excursion, like the caves in Curacao.
I was mindful when picking my itinerary to pick ones with the most places I wanted to experience or alternatively have excursions which include activities I want to experience. This can even stretch to smaller items. When departing from the New York port, I made sure to take time to get a good view of the Statue of Liberty when we left as I had never seen it. I took advantage of being at the equator in order to watch both a sunrise and sunset on the same day. In the north, I would have had to get up quite early to see a full sunrise and being as I am not a morning person, this would be difficult. Closer to the equator the sun rose and set at times more conducive to my schedule. These were small things, but I still got to enjoy them with just a little awareness of the opportunities around me.
The cast from the play in Stephen’s Green. Discovered by chasing down the gentleman on the far right through the streets of Dublin
This is not the time to necessarily be pig-headed about your agenda or have an agenda so full you cannot be spontaneous. Some of my best experiences come from being spontaneous. That is how I got on a tour of the capitol building in Washington, scored tickets to the British Shakespeare’s performance of MidSummer Night’s Dream in Dublin, and the unicorn tapestries in Paris. Cultivating a spirit of openness and adventure. The best strategy is one that includes openness to pivot to new opportunities.
The point is to be mindful about what you’re going to do and be mindful when you’re doing it. Don’t just travel to travel, use your time wisely. Thoreau told us to suck the marrow of life, suck the marrow from your trips! Consider carefully the itinerary of where you’re going, cast a wider net to capture the possibilities of the area, and be willing to indulge yourself on things that are inaccessible otherwise.
If you do go on a cruise ship, check out all of its offerings. On my very first cruise, I discovered it had a thermal spa suite outfitted with lots of things I had never tried before a sauna, steam room and salt room. For a little bit extra, I was able to purchase a pass to access it and found that I spent at least an hour there every day. Considering the very large hot tub and fewer people with beautiful views, it was certainly worth it. I also discovered the ship had a ropes course with a zipline. On another ship, we tried go-cart racing. Something else, I had been itching to try. I loved it, my sister not so much – needless to say we scratched that off our list of sister dates to do. So check out your ship, your hotel or wherever you may be for cheap/free options. It wasn’t like I could really go anywhere else, I had already paid to be able to use it in my fare, so I may as well make use of them and cross those items off the list. Trips I took during my semester abroad to made the best use of my time in Germany. By venturing forth from Marburg I was able to see places I’ve always wanted to see like Dublin, Paris, Berlin, Vienna and Rome. With Ryanair most of those plane tickets were under $50 bucks.
Be sure to check the dates of your trip for any special events that may be occurring in the area or be willing to adjust your dates if you discover there will be a special event in the area you want to go to. My trip to Dublin just happened to coincide with their Shakespeare Festival and a performance by the British Shakespeare Company. My trip to Vienna just happened to coincide with Monet’s Water Lilies being on exhibition at one of the many art museums. By paying attention to what was going on at a specific time, I was able to expand what I was able to do. Although contrary-wise, you may want to avoid going to places during certain times of the year. For example, avoid Disney World November through December, typically the park is open for almost 12 hours for you to enjoy. However, during the Christmas celebration, if you want to stay after dark you have to pay an extra $300 – $400 for a pass, that’s cutting your park time down by 5 to 6 hours unless you’re willing and able to pay an extra fee. Don’t go to Boston during the marathon in the spring if you want to avoid the crowds. Skip Florida’s beaches during spring break if you don’t want to be in an overcrowded place with a bunch of drunk, college students. Careful planning can help make or break your trip.
Try to add an extra day in order to add in something special. When leaving from the New York port, my family and I added an extra evening in New York to catch a Broadway musical, something my sister’s mother-in-law had never experienced and is on many people’s list. Yes, it was an extra expense but it would be more expensive to have to travel back up to New York just to see a show. When my sister went on her first cruise, she flew over a day early and enjoyed the sights of Barcelona, for a night at a hotel she was able to experience a whole city. Traveling is often one of the biggest expenses as well as your biggest carbon footprint, so by adding a little extra time, you can enjoy more. Good for your wallet and the earth!
As budget conscious people, it is important to get the most “bang for your buck” as it were. That isn’t to say pack everything full and rush around so quick you can’t even take in what you’re seeing, it is only to make sure you’re taking full advantage of what is nearby to maximize your experience. With careful planning and a spirit of adventure, you can make the most of your more expensive and far ranging trips.
It may surprise you dear reader, to discover that I am a bit of a nerd or perhaps it was obvious from the start. I have written about the importance of having bucket list items that are unique to yourself and I am a firm believer of practicing what one preaches as well as leading by example. Therefore, I will share with you one of the items that are unique to me. I’m not sure that I can be said to be a gamer as I don’t tend to play many different games. I usually tend to play one or two for a long time and they are typically mmo’s that play with my boyfriend as a joint activity.
However, I still have goals and enjoy completing challenges within the games that I play. In the spring of 2014, I found myself playing World of Warcraft’s Mists of Pandaria expansion with a singular goal, obtaining the elusive challenge mode armor. As the name implies, it was a specific challenge to be completed in the game. According to wowhead, only 9% of profiles obtained the achievement associated with obtaining the armor. That isn’t to say it was the hardest achievement in the game, I am certain there were more difficult challenges, but it certainly was difficult requiring a player to truly master an individual class. It was especially challenging, since I chose a class I had never played before, opted to “boost it” to skip over the pesky leveling process and then jumped into my first challenge mode dungeon without having done much more than read a general guide on how to play it which only added to the difficulty.
To those unfamiliar with games, I apologize if my description seems a bit obtuse, in the interest of brevity, I shall not overly burden you with lengthy explanations. I suppose the closest analogy that most people would get is to pretend that a class in a game was a position on a sports team, say a quarterback. The quarterback plays a specific role on the team and has specific responsibilities for that position. In a game, the positions have specific moves that only that position or class can utilize in the game. In this particular game, there are challenges known as dungeons in which a group of five players work together to defeat a series of bosses or “villains”. On second thought, I probably should have picked a different analogy considering how little I know about sports….I digress.
What made it challenging was that unlike the rest of the game, certain advantages that one could typically gain such as better equipment to make it easier to defeat bosses, inside the challenge mode dungeons those advantages were stripped away, requiring you to rely less on your equipment and more on your skill alone. Hence, the thrill of overcoming the challenge presented. Imagine if you will, you were given sneakers that helped you run faster and then you were asked to run the same race track again only this time they gave you shoes with lead weights attached. Then told you, you need to run the race even faster than you used to.
From Blizzard’s announcement. As you can see, they wanted to give us a mode where we could push ourselves as players.
One doesn’t need to have played wow or even any other video game to recognize that there is a certain satisfaction that comes from executing a skill based challenge rather than being afforded the ability to overcome it through other means. Consider bowling, if you score 70 – 100 points, it’s considered a good game. How would you feel if you executed a game with an end score of 120 on a lane with bumpers which prevent your ball from going in the gutter resulting in you obtaining points that would have otherwise been zero? How about if you executed the same score on a lane without bumpers? What about one that had obstacles or other handicaps? Almost all of us have had the experience of having the training wheels come off and being asked to perform at a high level. The sense of victory one feels at having conquered such a challenge is a rare treat in our modern age.
Each dungeon was timed, requiring a small team to execute the challenge within the limit in order to obtain the achievement. Not only that, but also the game required a player to complete the challenge on 9 different dungeons, each with their own mechanics and barriers. One had to learn how to quickly work with a group of strangers to execute a given strategy that may not always work given the makeup of the group you were with. Sometimes, a combination of classes simply did not work for a given dungeon like when I was on a druid healer and my boyfriend was playing his druid tank. There was one fight where the druid healer simply could not keep the tank up. We switched up the tank to a warrior and it was much easier to keep the warrior up for that particular fight than the druid. He switched to a different healer and had zero issues staying alive.
It was a bit of an adrenaline rush to play through the dungeons, responding in the moment to what other players were doing,and alternating how I was approaching a fight given the semi-randomness of the mechanics. I would use moves that I rarely if ever used before, because I never needed to. It felt like I was pushing each class to its limit of what it could do to pull out all the stops. I felt like I was learning more about how to actually play the healer role than I ever had before. I noticed that when I went into other areas of the game, it was much easier to recover bad pulls and botched mechanics.
My very first CM armor set! Isn’t it pretty?
Not to mention, it was just plain fun to dance around damage, throwing out heals, keeping other players from the brink of death, damaging the boss as time and mana allowed, all at a high level of performance. I enjoyed the hyper focus it required keeping an eye out on everyone’s health bars as well as the pools of damage one needed to avoid, making split second decisions about casting a move quickly or casting a slower spell to conserve mana, being mindful of the cooldowns on all of the moves that one could use and and timing them to support the cooldowns the other players were using at the same time. One wrong decision could mean having to restart the entire dungeon again.
There were so many failed attempts. I spent hours trying to conquer just one of the dungeons, trying again and again. Still, at the end of each successful attempt, I was elated. At the end of all nine, I had the sweet reward of victory, the achievement, a cool mount and of course one of the best looking armor sets in the game. Might some people think it’s worthless chasing a digital reward that only appears in a digital world? Perhaps, but it represents having conquered a particular skill based challenge. As I stated before, only 9% of profiles obtained this achievement, so I think it’s something worthy to brag about. Besides, it’s my list and I can do what I want!
One of the great things about playing games is that skills gained in a game can be generalized to life outside of the game. I found myself more confident in overcoming challenges in my everyday life and managing stress and anxiety in the moment to still perform at a high level. In other words, managing my performance stress in the game, helped me manage my performance stress at my job and school. It also helped me gain skills in working with other people in high stress situations to achieve mutual goals, something that as a social worker, I’ve needed to do many times. There is value in pushing yourself even in a leisure activity to perform at a high level of skill because of how those skills transfer to other areas of your life.
So what’s your challenge armor?
Obtaining the challenge mode armor is now an impossibility, (at least for now) as the dungeons to obtain them were removed from the game after the release of Warlords of Dreanor. However, the principles of this item can still be obtained whether you play WoW or not. The first principle is of course picking an activity that is unique to you. Maybe you don’t play games, but you knit or garden. The second is pushing yourself to perform that activity at a high level of skill. Is there a sewing project that is particularly difficult? Maybe there’s a musical piece that is known to be a beast to play. Maybe you play a sport and you want to master a certain skill.
You may be surprised at how satisfying it is to have mastered something new and the confidence that follows to other areas of your life. Perhaps, you will need to involve other people and make new friends along the way or strengthen existing relationships through a mutual bond of overcoming the challenge together. Even years later, those who completed the challenge modes with me reference that time together and talk about the experience. In fact, I enjoyed completing the achievement so much that in the following expansion I jumped at the chance to get the new challenge mode dungeons completed to obtain special weapons.
Completed: Summer/Fall 2014(I completed it on Paladin, Druid & Priest)
Miles from home: 0 – completed from my computer
Cost: $15 monthly sub-fee as well as $60 for the expansion at the time.
Some people may rightly wonder, why have a “bucket list”? After all a bucket list is all the things you want to do before you “kick the bucket” (die) and unless you’re actively dying, why bother? Don’t you have your whole life ahead of you? Some may think it even arrogant or foolhardy to bother focusing on all these things instead of what’s right in front of them, the job, the house/apartment, the family, etc. You may even be accused of living a “check the box life” of only doing things on your bucket list to “check them off” instead of experiencing them or as social currency badges “look at me, I’m so cool!”. Others may look at it as a hedonistic form of self-aggrandizement. That certainly can be the case if a bucket list isn’t approached correctly. However, it isn’t about the thing itself, but rather how you use it.
Pulling from positive psychology, it’s about trying to make life memorable and perhaps, even meaningful. In fact, some experts theorize that without peaks (i.e. “grand” events) our memories are fuzzy messes. There’s some research to suggest that accomplishing bucket list items helps set memories. Most adults have pretty good memories of their childhood and early adulthood. Those times are often marked by clear beginnings and endings, the start of school, the field trips, the graduations. Once adult life hits and it’s the same day in day out stuff, you begin to find yourself losing track of the years. It goes by in a flash, ten years feel life five. It isn’t just that it’s a smaller percentage of your life. There’s something to suggest that when you were younger there were lots of new and novel things going on to make time “stand out” without novel “adventures” your adult life is just a smear of work with the occasional night out. Since beginning my bucket list journey, time has gotten back some of its meaning.
A Bucket List also just keeps life exciting, after all who would want to live a life without some peaks? It helps bring a sense of fulfillment, gratitude and awe about the world. Keeping an adventurous spirit can lead to all sorts of wonderful experiences. It can also get you out of a “slump”. If my only “bucket list” item was to go to Iceland and see the Northern Lights, I might overlook all the amazing experiences I was having right here and be perhaps a bit depressed by not accomplishing this life long goal. By looking around me for fun experiences right nearby, I have had so many amazing days and done so many cool things that I would have never done otherwise. I still have my bigger items, but I’m not longing for something that might never come. Instead, I’m living right now.
Bucket lists can help set goals which can motivate us to accomplish things and when goals are specific they are the most motivating. These are specific, concrete goals and by having a bucket list there semi-looming the background it can motivate you to actually go forth and conquer! A bucket list inherently reminds you that your life is short, shouldn’t you be going and making the most of it? A budget bucket list approach reminds you that life is short, shouldn’t you be looking around yourself to live right now instead of once every three to four years for maybe a week if you’re lucky?
Bucket lists can be useful on your journey of self-discovery, to assess values and understand what you truly want out of life. Henry Theoreau encourages us to suck the marrow from life and to live deliberately. A bucket list can help you reflect on what that means for you on an individual basis. How will you live deliberately? What will give you joy? What things are important to you? How do you want to spend your time? Scrolling on a phone, looking at all these people “living” as they sell you stuff you don’t even use because you’re spending all your time on a phone? Seriously, what’s the point of even having a house if your world is a couch and a screen? My bucket list are things that are meaningful to me, that reflect my interests and personality. I spend my free time on the things that matter: my cats, my dog, my books, my violin, my garden, my friends, my family and the adventures big or small with those that I love and care about.
Now, this other piece, I will say with a BIG grain of salt as I’m not, as of this writing, totally “sold” on the idea. However, there is this theory that has been making the rounds for almost a century (perhaps longer) called “The Law of Attraction”. Its most basic premise is that like attracts like. Good vibes lead to good things, bad vibes lead to negative outcomes. So if you want to be rich, you have to put yourself in a “rich” state to “attract” wealth. Often people will use things like vision boards, gratitude journals, and positive affirmations in a bid to have the universe respond in a miraculous way to help them obtain the things they are trying to attract. They will also try and look for positives in a given situation, identify negative thinking and work to reframe events in a positive way. That is the most basic explanation and if you think this is a completely looney idea, you’re not the only one.
Surprisingly, many successful people from past presidents, to movie stars, to silicone valley entrepreneurs all swear by this “law”. These are smart, successful people not some guy living in a garage with a tinfoil hat against the alien invasion. There is even some limited support of the theory in things like positive psychology. We know that visualization of goals helps increase performance. Many top athletes will visualize their games ahead of time and see positive results. So there does seem to be some truth to the idea. If we consider that luck is opportunity + preparation, then we can see how something like the law of attraction may be useful, even if it’s not actually “attracting” anything.
Consider the following, someone who buys into the law of attraction wants to become a professional football player. He may practice extra hard, he may visualize his plays and he is on the lookout for potential opportunities. He may hear through the grapevine that a recruiter is coming to the second half of a game, in part because he’s paying attention. He speaks with the coach to make sure he gets a chance to play on the field during the time the recruiter will be there. He gets recruited and the rest is history. Did he attract it? Or was it something else? After all we tend to notice opportunities when we’re focused on finding them. If he hadn’t been so focused on his dream, maybe he wouldn’t have heard about the opportunity. If he hadn’t been prepared, maybe he wouldn’t have been able to make use of that opportunity. I’m sure there are many star athletes out there who are never discovered despite their visualizations and affirmations, but then again maybe they ended up using those same talents in other areas that ended up being far more rewarding than a football career.
Listening to the stories of those who believe in it, it seems hard to deny that there is something to it because they have so many “manifestations” come true for them. Personally, I’m not sure that I believe I can just get the universe to give me stuff because I’m vibing good vibes. After all, there is such a thing as a bias against negative data. We hear about 100 people being successful with the law of attraction and think there’s something to it but never hear about the 10,000 people who’ve tried it and found nothing. Regardless, I do believe in preparation and opportunity, as that is how I get most of my bucket items done. I’ve listed out the things I want to do and then I go looking for cool events nearby, creating opportunities for myself. Some people may say that I’ve “attracted” a lot of things through the law of attraction. I might say that I just kept an eye out and that keeping a bucket list keeps me motivated to keep looking.
Either way, the principles of the law of attraction aren’t bad things to do and I don’t think they cause any harm. Call it a wager, I’m wagering that it works because if it does awesome! If it doesn’t, I haven’t lost anything by practicing gratitude, looking for the positives in a negative situation, reframing negative experiences and creating vision boards of what I want my life to look like. Positive psychology says all of these things are healthy and can improve mental health. Utilizing the bucket list can help you with these things such as cultivating gratitude for all the things you have experienced with a reverse bucket list or reframing a negative experience of missing out on a total solar eclipse in 2017 as a good thing because it meant that I ended up going to Vermont in 2024 and had an amazing experience!
Lastly, whether I have a terminal disease or not, I am getting older and I won’t be around forever. My mother became disabled at 46, she’s had twenty surgeries in twenty years, she now lives with me because she can’t live on her own. Several years ago, she had bilateral clots in her lungs and she almost died. She worked herself into sickness and almost to death. Because she was living to work, she didn’t get to really do the things she wanted to do in life. Do not mistake me, she worked really hard to provide me a good life. Now, I try to help her live her own bucket list items as her health allows – in fact, most of my current long distance travel is to check things off her list. It’s the biggest reason that I go on cruises; it’s a way for her to be able to travel because they’re much more accessible for her.
Unfortunately, many of her health problems are genetic and her family has a history of illness. This means I have a high likelihood of developing similar health issues. It’s not a given, as I’m doing my best to stay healthy with diet and exercise. But I’m aware that I may very well end up with chronic illnesses that prevent me from doing as much as I would like. We never know what the future holds, we don’t know when we’re going to “kick the bucket”. I aim to live deliberately, to suck deep from the marrow of life, right where I am. Carpe diem!
There are some things in life one cannot plan for, but when opportunity comes knocking one has to be ready to follow the white rabbit and see how far into wonderland the journey will take you. This is a short story about how I once found buried treasure.
It was my senior year of college when one of our friends who graduated the year before decided to come back to campus for a visit. She introduced us to a new idea, geocaching. She explained the concept was that someone would put out gps coordinates of a container that participants would seek out in order to exchange goods, usually trinkets and the like. The containers had a log that one would record one’s name. One of the caches she was seeking out had a location somewhere on our campus. I wasn’t quite sure about the entire process, but it seemed like an interesting idea. Being the naturally, adventurous types myself, my roommate Ray and Laura set out to look for the cache. Keep in mind this was back in 2009 when many of us didn’t have smartphones with gps capabilities. We had a printed out map with coordinates and gumption.
Soon we found ourselves out in the trails of our campus, looking through the undergrowth of the deciduous forest. You may think that I exaggerate when I speak about my college having a forest or trails, but the truth is, Messiah College (now Messiah University) had a rather large undeveloped section of campus called the “back 40”. It was always one of my favorite places to visit during my time there. Despite having walked on the trails many times, I had not ventured off the trails before that day; mostly because of my run in with a snake my first week on campus, but that day was not a day for cowards! Victory to the brave!
I distinctly remember crunching through underbrush, keeping an eye out for poison ivy and snakes. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for or how I’d know if I found it, but I was determined to help my friend on her small expedition. It was around an old wooden bridge that we discovered not what we were looking for, but rather an old tin can that had been hammered shut. We checked the map and the coordinates, the tin was decidedly not the cache in question. At first, we sort of dismissed it and continued our search but to no avail. Intrigued by our discovery, though disappointed that we had not been successful in finding the cache, we headed back to our campus apartment.
It took quite a bit of doing, but eventually we were able to pry open the can to reveal a mud filled container of something. We dumped out the contents and were surprised to find it had been filled with quarters. We immediately began counting out piles of 4 and then stacking the piles up 10 at a time. We quickly discovered we had found over $100. Buried treasure!
I had not set out that morning to find treasure, it was a spontaneous adventure untaken on a whim. Nor was it an especially long adventure, but it was memorable. And yes, I understand that $100 is not exactly buried treasure, certainly not in today’s economy, but to three poor college students it certainly felt like treasure.
How can you find buried treasure?
I cannot promise that you’ll find treasure if you decide to go geocaching, but there are plenty of aps out there that will allow you to participate.
To embody the principle of this particular post, embrace spontaneity. Go on that silly adventure with your friend, you never know where it will lead or what you will find. I have lots of stories that begin with an invitation to something unexpected. I have yet to regret saying yes. Having a list and making plans is all well and good, but one should not be so bore-sighted on the current goals that one is not open to opportunities that arise. Sure you might not have $100 at the end of the day, but you will have memories made with someone dear to you which is worth far more.
Completed: 2009
Miles from home: 0 (when counting campus as the home point)
Now there are some experiences that for you are bucket list items that others may scoff at as being worthy of gracing such a list. Their reactions may be from a misunderstanding of the significance of the experience whether historically, culturally or personally or borne out of some ignorance on their part as to the value of such an activity.
Take video games for example. Already some of you are rolling your eyes and dismissing the whole example – bear with me gentle readers! Video games have been considered a lesser art and base activity for many years. People scoff at the idea of e-sports as being a legitimate activity. I would say that those who are rolling your eyes have not taken a closer look at the industry or the history of other previously derided activities.
Years ago actors and actresses were considered little better than prostitutes yet now the are celebrated for their artistic talent and skill. They hold some of the highest social status in our society which is quite the reversal. We view the cinema now as being worthy of being carefully critiqued, as equal to opera in sophistication and artistry. We may consider that some films are as important to see as some books are to read. I daresay that we will soon be considering certain video games equal in value to any great opera, play, symphony or film.
Certain sports used to be considered reserved for the lower classes mostly the competitive sports whereas the more non-competitive activities such as music and dance were reserved for the upper class. The upper class certainly had semi-competitive sports like hunting and shooting, but you’ll note that they were with few exceptions non-contact sports. After all, we wouldn’t want young Archibald the Third to get a broken nose, think of how he’d look when he presents himself to his majesty! We wouldn’t want him to look like a common thug! However, now we push our children into these contact sports and laud lofty goals of scholarships and going professional.
These examples are to help make my point that for you, as an individual, there may be things on your list of things to achieve or experience which our culture may not value or encourage us to do. No one needs to understand your obsession with knitting and how for you a certain project may be your magnum opus. Celebrate it! Add it to your list! Maybe you want to make Challenger tier in League of Legends. Being as only .0024% of players reach Challenger, that certainly would be like making the Olympics. You don’t need to justify to anyone the amount of skill, dedication and knowledge it would take to achieve that. People who scoff at that may as well scoff at a Chess Grandmaster. Learning a programming language is just as worthy as learning a spoken language. The same can be said of creating an entire conlang.
The items for you don’t even need to be that big of a deal, they could just be things you want to do for fun. Not everything on your list needs to be elevated or lofty, some things could be small or even a bit silly. For example, I would very much like to see a drive-in movie. I love nostalgic things and experiencing pieces of the past as it enriches my understanding of historical events and cultures. It’s a fun diversion and would certainly be a different way to see a film. This certainly isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it is mine so it’s on my list and it isn’t something I would think would grace many other people’s list.
The point is not to be afraid to celebrate your personal achievements loudly and proudly. These achievements don’t have to be meaningful to anyone else but yourself. Part of living your best life is to do it in a way that is authentic to yourself without allowing other people’s negative judgements hold you back from pursuing activities that are meaningful to you. After all, the only person who is living your life is you!
“There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be diminished by a nice cup of tea.”. – Bernard-Paul Heroux.
When I was about five years old, I was obsessed with tea parties. I was first introduced to them through my mother’s own passion. She would take us to the local herb shop and the tea shop nearby to purchase quality tea and scones. At home, the water would be boiled and poured into a china pot, a timer set for the proper amount of time for brewing and then carefully poured out into the cups. It was during this time that she imparted to me the rules of tea, how to hold the cup, what order the tea should be poured out to each guest, the polite amount of sugar to add, when to add milk, how to stir it without making a ruckus. I learned the difference between afternoon tea and high tea (it’s not the same thing), that one eats the savory first then the sweets and exactly how one eats a scone properly (by breaking it apart into small bits).
Over tea, she taught me about Victorian England and the antiques that decorated our house. She was quite fond of the late Victorian era, and I developed the same fondness. As part of my education, she bought me a tea book for my birthday. I was elated (yes, I was a strange child, I grew up to be a strange adult and I’m okay with this fact). I flipped through the pages and discovered an entirely new sort of tea, the Japanese Tea Ceremony. The book did not go into it overly much but it did allude to the sorts of things one might encounter, the special Macha tea, the whisk and the sweet that they might serve. In combination with my discovery of the Karate Kid, my love of Japanese culture was solidified and later reinforced with my introduction into anime (which I won’t get into here, other than Princess Mononoke was a definitive experience of my childhood).
Ever since my discovery of the Japanese Tea Ceremony and all things Japan, I had wanted to experience it for myself. I got the chance in the summer of 2021, when I took the hour drive out to Shofuso Japanese Cultural Center. The house was designed by Junzo Yoshimura as a 17th century style home. It was built in Japan in 1953 utilizing traditional techniques and then shipped to New York as part of the Museum of Modern art. It found its home, however, in West Fairmount Park in 1958 where it has graced the greater Philadelphia area ever since nestled in a beautiful Japanese Garden. It includes a pond garden with a waterfall, island, koi fish, traditional tea house and bathhouse.
Walking through its gates, one could easily forget that one has not in fact hopped on a plane to the middle of Japan. Every corner of the building is a beautiful work of art, carefully tended and maintained. What delighted me was the dedication to keeping the building authentically Japanese. Unlike in America when something like a floorboard has some sort of damage or rot, the Japanese do not uproot the whole floorboard and replace it. Instead they cut around the damaged section and then fill it in like a puzzle piece. There was a sort of beauty in keeping the story of time rather than a focus on perfection. Flaws were a natural outgrowth of a house in use and there was a sort of artistry in the repair.
Men and women in kimonos graciously answered questions about the house and pointed out its secrets. They informed us that the murals of the house were donated by an artist in 2007 and were inspired by the waterfalls. They told us about the hinoki bark root (the only one outside of Japan) and how it took 1.4 million dollars to repair it back in 1999. They were excellent hosts whose presence engendered a sort of respectful quiet in the guests. It is not that we did not speak, only more in hushed whispers as to not disturb the peaceful atmosphere. It is a house that invites calm reflection and relaxation rather than exuberant outbursts.
In the heat of the summer, my sister and I explored the small garden which encircles the house. We took a moment to pause by the Buddha statue, littered with small offerings and tucked away among the bamboo. We sat in quiet reflection watching the lazy circles of the koi fish which were only interrupted when a tourist decided to feed them. The noise of the nearby city melted away and one could almost believe that we had stepped through a portal to the other side of the world.
Soon we were invited to sit for tea. A woman dressed in a beautiful kimono came out to prepare the tea for us. While she began to prepare the tea. The male host graciously explained the “ceremony” as not a ceremony but more a set of expectations of manners that one should adhere to when invited to a formal tea in Japan. I suppose in truth, it was no more a “ceremony” than a proper English tea though perhaps the rules were a bit more structured to give the illusion of ceremony or ritual. One could make arguments either way – but he was speaking as a Japanese person and he indicated that it wasn’t a ceremony persay, so I am going to believe him as the expert in his own culture.
We were instructed that we would be expected to admire the carefully chosen decorations such as the scroll. He explained the symbolism of the arrangement of the flower. As the woman began to prepare the tea he explained the different instruments and tools that she was using the small white cloth, the bamboo whisk, the scoop, tea powder and the metal pot to heat the water.
First, the hostess brings in all the tools necessary for the tea preparation and then begins cleansing the utensils. Then she carefully places in the powder and hot water into the cup and whisks it expertly into a perfectly foamed tea. The cups of tea were passed around to the various guests and our male host continued his lesson.
We were instructed in how to pick up our cups, turn it the proper 90 degrees and to take slow sips. He explained that we would be expected to admire the craftsmanship of the cups and to express appreciation for everything the host had done for us.
The tea made from the matcha powder had almost a soft, velvety texture in my mouth. It was a bit more potent than a typical green tea, but lacked the harsh bitterness that the black teas can have. Despite the heat of the day the hot tea was refreshing. I enjoyed the texture of the cup in my hand and took in the smell of the tea.
We were also given a sweet to enjoy along with the tea. I felt quite terrible as the host had gone through great trouble to prepare the sweets and it had a jello like substance to it. Unfortunately, I have a sensory issue with jello as it makes me gag. I graciously accepted it and forced it down as I did not wish to offend her by refusing. However, I may still have offended her with my face. It did taste delicious, it was the texture of the jello that made it difficult to swallow.
Despite my potential faux-pas, it was a delightful time and dream come true and the following year, I was surprised to find myself once again at a Japanese Tea Ceremony. This time armed with previous knowledge and in a more intimate though less peaceful setting.
Each year, there is an annual tea festival in my state. As previously stated, I am a bit obsessed with tea. Together my sister, myself and my mom journeyed to a small town only an hour and a half away from home to a cozy tea shop tucked away along the main street. Behind the unassuming little tea house is a beautiful hidden garden which is where the highlights of the festival take place. Unfortunately for us, the day was quite wet, necessitating for much of the festival to be moved to the inside of a nearby church. This meant that the church basement was crowded, loud and somewhat uncomfortable.
So it may surprise you to hear that within the noise and the crowd, I stumbled across an oasis of peace and zen, a small tea ceremony. A woman sat on the stage, her small tea house set up and invited you to sit. My sister and I eagerly took our seats in anticipation having so thoroughly enjoyed our last tea ceremony and my mother followed close behind. With a small polite bow and a tiny smile tugging on the woman’s lips, the ceremony began. Do not ask me what magic spell the woman wove, I only know that under her expert care, the crowd disappeared from my mind. For a small window of time, we were transported out of the world and into a quiet pocket of serenity. We took our time sipping the tea and making conversation. As expected, my sister and I expressed admiration for the cups and remarked on her beautiful display. We enjoyed the sweet treat offered (thankfully nothing gelatin, so I did not have to repeat my unfortunate behavior of last time!) We complimented her and thanked her for her time and consideration both verbally and with a small donation to help support the tea house in Philadelphia. All too soon, we found ourselves back in the crowded basement, but I shall always remember the spell that such skill can weave. That is after all part of the point of the tea ceremony, to approach the act of drinking tea with a mindfulness; to transform the mundane into an extraordinary art that allows the participants to enter into a calm space. Tea, dear reader, really can be magic.
How can you participate in a tea ceremony?
If you live within a reasonable distance to Philadelphia, then you can buy tickets to the Shofu Teahouse and for an additional cost, participate in their tea ceremony. You can also check out the PA Tea Festival as the teahouse typically sends a representative to perform small ceremonies for the guests of the festival.
If not, then google is as always, your friend. See if there are any Japanese cultural clubs or organizations in your area. They may offer classes or demonstrations to the public.
A word of caution, do not join a cultural organization only to check off something off your list; someone else’s culture is not your personal playground. As with any cross-cultural experience it should be done with genuine curiosity and humility. The tea ceremonies I attended were extended by invitation to the general public. I did my best to participate with respect and to be a student of their culture.
Budget Bliss: Bucket List 