Principles of Budget Bucket List – Page 2

Being Okay With Missing Out

Published on December 17, 2024November 10, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

In the spring of 2024, a wonderful and amazing phenomenon occurred. The Northern Lights were visible throughout much of Northern America, even down as far as Puerto Rico. Not only was it visible, it was visible on a Friday night, meaning that one was free to stay up late and really enjoy the rare visual display so far south. Unless you were where I lived. Where it was cloudy for miles. Unfortunately, I did not have the capacity to go drive for miles just to see them, though the temptation was certainly there.

The level of frustration that I felt the next morning seeing thousands of pictures flooding my feeds and social media was astronomical. It seemed that everyone else had gotten to enjoy my dream, but me. People who had not even cared about ever seeing the Northern Lights got to see them, but not me, a person who has been dreaming about it since she was a young child! It is always cloudy during major astronomical events at my house from the planetary alignment, to the comet to this! It was unfair! It wasn’t right! Stupid weather! Stupid sky! Stupid sun! Grrrrrrrr!!!

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and reminded myself of all the times the universe had responded to my hopes with a no and how often those “no’s” had led to bigger and better things later. I would trust in the process of life. Had I not just experienced a total solar eclipse in Vermont after missing one almost seven years prior? If I had not missed out on the one, would I have gone to Vermont or New England? Perhaps, not. Did the “no” not open up something wonderful, even if seven years in the making?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I could continue to dwell on it, cursing the decision I made to not drive in the middle of the night to go see them. But then would I have even enjoyed them, being tired and stressed out from rushing to see them? Would I have cut my experience short, because of the obligations I needed to meet the next day? Then having “crossed it off the list” no longer consider trying to go and see them to really enjoy them? A bucket list dream come true or a check in the box? There is a reason I opted not to jump in my car and rush to go see them. There is a reason, I choose to wait for the right time, because trying to force an experience often robs us of fully enjoying it. And truth be told, there have been several more instances since May of the Northern lights gracing the skies, only for it to be cloudy. Every. Single. Time. At this point, it’s just comedic, and I just laugh at the universe remembering that now is not the time to force things.

When we try to force things, it’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, it just doesn’t work. There’s all these gaps around the peg where something is missing and it’s a tenuous hold at best. We rush through the experience, we don’t savor or enjoy it. The anxiety and stress of trying to just “make it work” is what we remember rather than the end journey. In our faulty human ways, we may end up sabotaging ourselves and robbing the future us of something much better. We miss the blessing that was being given to us in that moment, rejecting both the current one and the future one.

It can be difficult to accept missing out, especially when it is something you really wanted. It can be even more so when it seems that everyone else got it. The question becomes when is it my turn? When is it my time? Why can’t I have it right now? Don’t I deserve to have it? The answer may be not yet, it may even be not ever. That last one can be a difficult truth to swallow. Sometimes the “no” is unchanging and we will never get what we’ve asked for. We cannot know the reason for this, but focusing on the no, blinds us to all the times we hear yes. It robs us of the joy of what we have and the gratitude for all the blessings that are still coming. The not ever may be because we were meant for a bigger blessing than the one we were asking for, but if we constantly reject the blessing because we are so focused on the thing we wanted, then we may get neither.

No one likes missing out, and it is a perfectly human response to be frustrated and sad. However, we should not swim in these feelings, building up anger and resentment. Imagine if I had spent my time shaking my fist at heaven for a missed “blessing” when I had only a few weeks prior experienced an awe inspiring total eclipse? How quickly we forget the things we have, when we sit in a moment of lack. How fleeting those moments become when we let them slip through our fingers when the next obstacle comes into our path? If instead we focus on the blessings we have received, we bring those blessings forward with us into the moment. We instill hope for the future and begin to look forward to what surprises the universe may have in store for us. We find ourselves enriched rather than lacking.

The moment of frustration passed, leaving me sipping my coffee and reminiscing about my recent trip to New England. I relived the awe of seeing the sun slip behind the moon, the way the day turned to twilight, the sudden drop in temperature as the darkness took hold. The northern lights will come again and I will see them when the moment is right. Until then, I will continue to cultivate a bucket list life in all the moments between and continually recall the blessings I have received. I certainly don’t need to wait for the lights to check the other things off my list. After all, if I am become too laser focused on the lights, I may miss other opportunities for bigger and better things. Whatever blessings that are in store for me, I want to be there with arms open to receive them.

Accepting the Suck: Emotional Honesty

Published on December 10, 2024November 10, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

I spend quite a bit of my time here writing about having a positive outlook. I talk about looking at challenges as opportunities, to focus on the blessings you have and going with the flow. These are all good things to do.

However, there are times when life sucks. Sure you may have lost your job and the magical opportunity for a new one may be just around the corner, but in the meantime you still have to pay the electric bill and put food on your table. That’s stressful and it stinks. Sometimes you get terrible news about your health. I suppose good things can come of having cancer but let us not pretend it will be a picnic or that in general life is much better having not had cancer. I have yet to meet a single person with a chronic illness who says the “perks” are worth the price. I know I have written about how lost relationships can be opportunities for new ones to come into our lives, but a loss through death isn’t something that should be reframed in that light.

It would be emotional dishonesty to not allow yourself the time to really process the negative emotions. Skipping over the “suck” right to the positive rainbows and unicorns of positive thinking renders positive thinking into exactly that, useless positive thoughts. Repressing our emotions is not healthy. If we are hurt, sad or angry, we need to let ourselves fully feel them first before we can move forward. Like a small child our emotions deserve more than a cold “buck up”. They deserve a warm hug and an understanding ear. They deserve acknowledgement and compassion.

How do we feel when we try to express ourselves to a loved one only to have them rush us through because they cannot sit in our discomfort? Do we feel seen or even valued? Why do we do this to ourselves?

I try to approach myself in the way I might a dear friend when trying to offer genuine comfort. The key is to be curious about what’s really going on rather than offering trite “it will be okay” or “well at least….” I may ask myself why I am so worried. I may ask some challenging questions to stop turning my worries into a catastrophe or even ask okay well if the worst does happen then what? I may ask myself what beliefs about myself I’m currently cultivating or if the situation is a threat to my sense of identity. These are all hard questions that can be difficult to face, but face them I must if I am to truly get down in the muck and embrace the suck. I often find that journaling out the emotions to examine them is the most helpful exercise. I can look at the entries for themes and underlying negative beliefs that ought to be challenged. I can see when I’ve blown something out of proportion.

Often by working through the emotions and acknowledging the truth of the situation as one that is objectively awful to go through, I can start to shift into a genuinely positive state. I can find ways to look at the situation as a place of opportunity. I may look at the situation as a time for me to grow closer to God and renew my faith. I can feel true gratitude for being in such a place at this time. I can say that while not a great experience, it is a necessary one for my own personal growth. This is not always the case, after having a terminal cancer diagnosis isn’t going to suddenly become a good thing with a few journal entries and some light cognitive behavioral therapy. Potentially losing your home and becoming homeless may later on be a great thing because it helped you get your life on a better track and even led to you being eligible for a program that got you permanently out of poverty, but the process is not fun by any stretch of the imagination. It is often extremely traumatizing and trauma isn’t something to be covered up with fairy stickers and glitter.

However, only by working through negative emotions, even trauma, can we begin to move beyond them to the place where we want to be. As long as we ignore them and suppress them, they will continue to rule our lives popping up in the form of anxieties, doubts, negative self-talk, poor self-esteem, depression, sleep disorders and other psycho-somatic and psychological symptoms. We’re not just trying to cross off things on our bucket lists, we’re striving to live life to the fullest and be the best possible versions of ourselves. After all, if we don’t deal with the things that are bothering us, then we may fall into the trap of hedonism and escapism, not fully experiencing life because we’re too numb to feel.

So embrace, the suck, feel it deeply and fully, cry, scream, yell, punch your pillow, throw something at the wall and watch it shatter! Seriously, go to Goodwill buy some $2 cups and go nuts! Just don’t damage your walls, ensure pets and small children are clear from the area, warn your partner/roommates. Or smash it to bits with a hammer! Put it in a plastic bag wrap it in an old towel and enjoy! Do whatever you need to do to get your emotions out and feel some catharsis. It’s only when we’re emotionally honest and recognize our negative feelings, that we can really begin to process them.

Living Out Your Values

Published on December 3, 2024November 9, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

Our values are often reflected in what we do much more than what we say. The things we strive for and goals we want to achieve demonstrate what we actually believe. There’s a saying that goes “shut up and put your money where your mouth is” which is short is stop talking and actually sacrifice for what you believe in. Shouldn’t we consider this when looking to complete our bucket lists?

If the point of a budget bucket list is to help create a meaningful life where we’re at, then a meaningful life reflects our values, morals and ethics. I want to have a life that is well lived. One that aligns with who I am as a person and to be able to look back at all the things I have seen, done and accomplished and feel at peace. I don’t want to have regrets for things left undone, but also for things that I did that left me feeling empty or guilty.

When considering what I want to accomplish in my life, it’s not just about what might be fun to do, but also what I value. I took pride in my German and Irish roots, especially living in a German-American area like Lancaster, County. So, I learned German and studied abroad in Germany. I made certain to spend a little time in Ireland when I was over there. When learning the violin, I studied folk Irish songs. I took Irish step dancing in college. I said I valued those items and backed it up with actions. Those things were more than just learning a language or a dance style plucked at random, they reflected what was important to me.

Your values can inspire you to add things to your list. Do you value your heritage? Then maybe explore activities that connect you to your family’s past. Maybe you value being self-sufficient, then taking workshops to learn crafts such as woodworking and carpentry may be your jam, more than say spending a week in Bora Bora. Most of what I started with were the things that reflected what was important to me, nature, art, music, travel to specific places that held special meaning to me. Some of the things I’ve done have been in support of what was important to the people I do them with.

Sometimes, a value will prevent you from doing something. Do you value animals? Those animal encounters may be quite tempting but they are rife with exploitation and abuse of the very animals you claim to love. You cannot say that you value elephants and then go ride them. Even alternatives like bathing still involve a traumatic training known as the “crush” where young calves are separated from their mothers, isolated, deprived of food and water and beaten until they are broken. Elephant tourism is driving those numbers up. In almost every case, an interaction with an elephant means interaction with a traumatized elephant for your benefit. Not every animal encounter is a result of abuse, but it is important to be careful with them because abuse is so rampant, especially in underdeveloped countries.

I carefully researched this dolphin led encounter before booking and even consulted a friend who works at a zoo to help me ensure I was participating in an ethical encounter.

You will need to pick and choose your battles. There is almost no undertaking that does not involve murky ethical decisions in our modern world. Buying a cell phone? How were the minerals mined in Africa? How were the workers treated, who assembled it in China or Taiwan? Is the money that is going to the company being used to fund policies and politics that you disagree with? What about the environmental impact? That’s just a cell phone, what about attending a concert? Traveling to a festival?

When considering my budget bucket list, I started with my values first, understanding what I stood for and where the lines would be drawn. I was careful to do my research and pick my battles. I encourage you to also start with the things you value before writing down everything that comes to mind or taken from someone else’s list.

When you start out with guardrails, it’s easier to say no. Whether we intend to or not, when we see something “cool” that we want to do, we start to form an emotional attachment through our excitement. It can be hard to reel that back in. I don’t shop at places like Shein and Temu, but I see advertisements for them all the time. It makes it easier for me to not get tempted by the cute clothing or gatchet that I really want to have when I have set the boundary of “I will not buy from these places.” I said I will not exploit animals, and it made it easy to say no to interacting with baby tigers, even in the face of their cute adorable faces. Before I could even picture holding those sweet babies and petting their soft fur, the firm “no” stopped all thoughts of the activity. Whereas if I had written my list, saw the opportunity first, I may have been tempted to try and justify keeping it there or saying to myself “I’m just one person….”

On this blog, I will encourage you to drink richly from the cup of life and to follow my example of finding things in your own backyard to do. However, there are many different places that one can drink from, it’s up to each of us to be mindful of what we’re taking out of life and whether its right for us. It’s not up to me to dictate to you what values, ethics or morals you should have, that’s up to you to decide. I’m only here to remind you to think about them before you take a drink that ends up tasting bitter and gross.

What a Wonderful World: Cultivating a Vacation Mindset When You’re Not on Vacation

Published on November 26, 2024November 9, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

I think one of the reasons everything seems so much better on a vacation is because we’re able to leave behind the worries, stresses, and responsibilities of everyday life. IWhen I do go on vacation, not only do I leave it behind, I almost always have a “flex” day for when I return, I make sure all bills are paid up early and I make sure my house is spotless before I go. This means that I don’t have to worry about returning to housework, everything is paid for and I still have an extra day where I’m not working. I have an entire day to prepare to “return” to the mundanity of life with all the worries, stresses and responsibilities of everyday life. It also means that I don’t have to begin to prepare to return until after the vacation is completely over thus “protecting” the vacation mindset. Another protection I give myself is having things fairly planned out, with room to change them if the need arises, but having done most of the decision making beforehand means that not even the worry of a decision can possibly bother me.

Sidenote: The flex day is usually spent snuggling my pets who missed me and ensures that I meet their emotional needs after being separated from me. It’s like a whole bonus vacation day and I love absolutely it.

Cat snuggles! My biggest problem is my lap is too small for all my cats!

Because we’re able to “set aside” our “real” lives while away, it means that we are much more able to focus on what’s happening to really enjoy what’s happening in the present and savor those moments. Vacations just feel more fun even if we’re doing an activity that we could arguably do at home.

Consider going to the beach or the lake. A day at the beach or lake nearby is lovely, but what about say going on a cruise and picking a day at a tropical beach. Objectively, a beach is a beach. Sand, check. Water check. Waves check. Yet, in comparison to my last day at the beach on the Atlantic coast vs my day at the beach on my cruise. The cruise one stands out as better. Why? Both trips, I spent time swimming in the water and then laid out under some shade to read my book. Perhaps it was less crowded, but I went to a less crowded beach before. Perhaps, it’s because I didn’t have to lug my chairs and towels. Maybe? Or perhaps it was the mindset I was in. I was mindful to be in the present. It seemed better because I was more relaxed and worry free. I simply was in the moment. All I was concerned about was the beautiful weather, the feel of sand between my toes and the gentle lapping of the waves as I sipped a drink and read. I was in my body in a way that I wasn’t really before.

I would hazard a guess that was the biggest difference, not the location, not the fact that I was on a cruise or whatever else, but my mindset. If I went away for a vacation and life followed me there, I probably would be miserable and perhaps, vow to never visit that location again having associated it with a terrible experience. No wonder we’re all looking to escape to far flung places rather than living where we’re at.

One doesn’t need to be on vacation to enjoy delicious food that with good presentation

So how does one cultivate a vacation mindset while doing things at home, perhaps on the weekend, a single day off or on an evening out? First, you must create some boundaries around those activities. For me, I may schedule a preparation evening the day before. One where I do a more thorough cleaning of the house or at least make sure it’s well straightened up so that when I leave to go do what I want to do, a bunch of housework isn’t lingering behind in my mind’s eye. I may look ahead of upcoming responsibilities such as bills or projects I need to get done and try to get as many of them done beforehand. My alternative is to have on my calendar a block of time dedicated to those activities. I find that when I block out time to get a task done, the stress associated with it diminishes greatly. Mostly because my brain is able to accept it will get done and then not worry about it. It also means disconnecting, airplane mode can be your friend or if you’re too afraid of that because you have children at home and you want to make sure you’re available in an emergency, setting your phone to “Do not Disturb” where you can still get phone calls in an absolute emergency. All of these things help me set a boundary to keep the outside world out of my leisure activities.

By setting a boundary with the rest of the world, it’s much easier to cultivate mindfulness. What do I mean by mindfulness? I mean being fully present in the moment, being aware of the physical realm around you and your own body. One could call it being grounded in your current reality without being distracted by things in the past and the future. This allows you to turn the mundane into something extraordinary. Consider a trip to the farmer’s market. Apparently, this fairly ordinary thing here in Lancaster is a coveted activity by many a tourist and don’t get me started on the “farm to table experience” that people pay an arm and a leg for or as I call it Wednesday night’s dinner.

When I go shopping, I am on a mission. I get in and out as quickly as possible, I have a list, I know where the items are at and I don’t want to spend a single moment lingering. I am busy and I have things to do. A tourist on the other hand, linger. They pick up the fruit and smell it. They admire the textures and colors of the different vegetables. They see the display baskets as quaint, harkening back to the days when all our food was sold in little markets and stands such as this one. They admire the baked goods, mouths almost watering in anticipation. They strike up a conversation with the farmer behind the counter asking curious questions. For them, this is their bucket list experience. For me it’s grocery shopping. The same place, the same activity, two completely different experiences.

A delicious tomato pie from a local farmer! Truly a farm to table experience.

What might I find if I scheduled some extra time in my busy schedule to meander through the aisles? What delights might my eyes see? What smells might make my own mouth water if only I would pay attention? If one can turn grocery shopping into a bucket list experience, what might happen if when one goes to an event like a festival, concert or museum one cultivates this same mindset? As for Wednesday night’s dinner, a trip to Root’s Farmers Market on Tuesday can yield a farm to table experience without the price tag. Buy direct from the farmer at their stand to make in your own kitchen.

If you take time to cultivate moments to be on vacation, even for an afternoon, you will find you are more refreshed and better equipped for the daily inconveniences and stresses of life. It is different than escaping into your phone which is merely a distraction and often fuels negative feelings about yourself. Unless you’ve carefully trained the Instagram algorithm to only show you cat videos – which I have intentionally from day one – scrolling on social media will not help you feel better. Being mindful connects you back to your body, relaxes you and allows you to cultivate moments of joy and gratitude even for simple things like a bushel of tomatoes.

It isn’t about what you’re doing, but how you’re doing it. We can create amazing moments in the ordinary if we only open our eyes to see what a wonderful world we live in.

I want to Live!

Published on November 19, 2024November 9, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

I want to drink deeply from the cup of life. I want to see the wonders of nature. I want to try new things. I want to challenge myself. I want to grow and change and become a better version of myself than I was yesterday. I want to gain new skills. I want to meet interesting people. I want to see art, appreciate beauty, appreciate architecture and see with new eyes. I want to listen to music that is reminiscent of heaven and speaks to my soul. I want to stay up so late I see the sunrise the next morning. I want to dance and sing without regard to what others think. I want to take candid pictures and post them without filtering or editing. I want to take road trips. I want to be spontaneous. I want to run through the forest. I want to chase fog and make flower crowns. I want to visit coffee shops, browse thrift stores for treasures and explore craft fairs. I want to visit museums and archaeological sites. I want to explore places. I want to simply stop and admire the view. I want to make memories and deepen my relationships with people.

I don’t want to spend my life in regret wondering about the chances I never took. I don’t want to spend hours scrolling through on my phone wishing I could have the life I see on social media. I don’t want to waste my time dreaming of things I can’t afford or do or places I can’t afford to travel to. I don’t want to miss out on the things I could be doing because I was too busy wishing for the things that are out of reach. I don’t want to spend all day with my head in the clouds not minding what is right in front of me. I don’t want to listen to the people telling me that what I am isn’t good enough or that my life isn’t there yet. I don’t want to miss the blessings I have demanding the blessings I don’t have yet. I don’t want to live in fear of what people might think or say or do because of being authentic to myself.

My bucket list isn’t just a checklist, it’s a call to action to remind me that I get to create an adventurous life. It helps push me to keep trying new things and to seek out new experiences. I’m always adding things to my list and revising it. I am constantly on the lookout for opportunities and unexplored areas. I may not always be doing things that people would consider “bucket list worthy”, but they’re moments outside my usual routine whether it’s taking a train ride to do a wine tasting or dying a scarf.

It’s also not about chasing the next thing because life is supposed to have the mundane and the routine. There will be dishes and laundry, there will be days at home with tea and books. There will be lazy mornings snuggling with cats. Those are moments to savor as well which is why adopting a cat is on my list. It’s about living. Whether it be the everyday moments or the extraordinary and all the moments in between.

And more than anything, dear reader, I want to live.

Livin’ In an Amish Paradise: Hometown Pride

Published on November 1, 2024September 1, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

It can be quite easy to forget that wherever you live, someone dreams of visiting. Maybe not your particular town or neighborhood, but certainly places nearby. I once worked with a young woman whose dream was to move to South Dakota much to my bewilderment and last time I spoke with her, she was absolutely loving her decision. I used to dream of going to the west to see the Rocky Mountains or the west coast. Others apparently dream of coming to my part of the country to see the Amish.

I remember when I was seeking inspiration for my bucket list and I stumbled across one that included visiting Lancaster County. I knew growing up that I lived in a tourist destination and that people came here, but it wasn’t until I saw it on someone’s bucket list that it truly sunk in that the place I was constantly trying to escape from, other people wanted to come to and it was a big deal to do so.

I started exploring what made Lancaster so unique and special that made it a destination worthy of someone’s list. What I discovered is that it actually is a special place with its own subculture and quirks that make it so charming to outsiders. I began to appreciate what was in front of me, enjoying the rolling farmlands near my house, seeing beauty in the corn and wheat fields, savoring the seasonal changes and stopping to admire the farm animals frolicing in their pens. I learned the ubiquitous fruit stands and farmers markets scattered throughout the county were rare treats elsewhere. It’s home to America’s Coolest Small Town 2016, Lititz, and recently two of America’s best buffets, Shady Maple and Miller’s Smorgasbord.

Is it still Coolest Small Town in America? Maybe, maybe not – but it is pretty awesome.

In addition to all things Amish, we boast a rich art scene with its many art galleries and Lancaster’s School of the Arts. We’re home to the Fulton Theater as well as Sight & Sound and American Music Theater. We still preserve many of the folk arts here which can be found at many shops in the tourist areas. However, if you want a more hands-on experience, there are tons of workshops in the area through PA’s Artisans Guild which helps keep these crafts going.

We have street fairs throughout the fall as well as craft fairs in the spring and late summer. We host farms shows and even have tractor square dancing! Although, don’t ask me about it, I had no idea that was a thing until my early 30s.

The truth is, I am now grateful to be living here whereas before I was always looking to escape to far flung places instead of realizing what I had in my own backyard. It would be easy to dismiss my small town as boring and “uninteresting”, looking to the bigger cities or tropical islands of the caribbean. I can make every day moments bucket list worthy. Instead of being annoyed when I am driving and I come across a farmer helping his flock across the road, I take the time to savor what I’m seeing. It’s actually quite pastoral and idyllic to watch. I get excited when I hear the tell-tale clop of hooves on the road signaling the approach of a horse and buggy. I take time to stop at the stalls along the road rather than continuing to drive on.

Sheep! I love seeing the little lambs in the spring time.

My everyday life is another person’s vacation. Sure it’s easy when you’re on a vacation to enjoy the mundane as extraordinary. On a vacation you aren’t worried about the everyday stresses of life like getting to work on time, picking up the groceries, rushing home to the wife and kids, so lingering at a farmer’s market is a luxury the tourists have that I don’t have. When you’re on vacation, you aren’t quite as pressed for time, you can linger and savor what you’re experiencing. Your worries take a backseat to the present moment. Without the worry of time and everyday responsibilities, it’s easy to mistake a foreign place as better than our own homes. I think that’s why some people will regret moving to a place they loved to vacation in, because the reality of everyday life doesn’t match the rosy picture they had as a tourist. We can apply the opposite approach to our homes, realizing that we can recreate those feelings for ourselves at home with the right approach.

How can you cultivate hometown pride?

The first is to take the message of this post to heart. Somebody wants to come to your area and visit and that someone is willing to pay money, perhaps not an insignificant amount to do it. It’s so easy to miss the life that’s in front of us when we spend our lives looking ahead to the future, to excitement and adventure, scrolling on our phones while life passes us by. Your adventure is right out your front door!

The trick is to stop taking your surroundings for granted, to ground yourself in the moment and be mindful about your sensory experience. Instead of rushing into the farmer’s stand grabbing my groceries and leaving as quickly as possible. I will try and make time to pursue the produce, carefully examine the baked goods and give into temptation with the local honey. Last time, I even purchased a cool meadow mint tea in a glass bottle. For those of you not in the know, Lancaster has a unique meadow mint tea that the Amish make and it is a summer treat for the locals. Rather than drinking it down quickly, I slowly sipped it, letting it dance upon my tongue just like I used to do as a child. Did I still have to return back to my housework and garden? Yes, but for about ten minutes, I let all the stress melt into the background and took in my hometown with an outsider’s eyes.

Completed: Around 2017

Miles from home: 0

Cost: Free

Stables near my home, I pass it almost every week. I finally took the time to pull over an appreciate the sight.

You Can Never Fully Prepare For Everything Life Will Throw at You

Published on September 24, 2024July 19, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

For those of us “type A” personalities, the planners, the cautious and the dare-I-admit somewhat controlling personality types, we like to be prepared. I am the sort of person who you want on a vacation because if something happens I will usually be whipping out the solution to the problem from my bag. Wine spill? Tide pen. Hangnail? Why of course, I brought nail clippers. Bug bite? I have just the thing that pulls out the venom or “juice” that causes the sting/itch. Don’t worry about your hair, I put extra pins in mine just for this occasion! I am the person not with a Plan B but Plans B through Z. Or at least I was.

Through all my careful planning and preparing there is always some unplanned event. I was the coordinator of a homeless shelter tasked in part with developing our policies and procedures. I had developed a plan for everything. Earthquakes, fires, floods, drug overdose. Or so I thought. I had nothing in the book for a pandemic. The ONE thing that I had not planned for happened. So I had to develop my plan on the fly, in face of ever changing regulations, restrictions and recommendations throughout COVID. None of us had planned for COVID, yet we somehow got through it. Perhaps, not unscathed, but hopefully more resilient than before in the face of uncertainty to handle whatever it is life decides to throw at us. I certainly grew from the experience.

You can still see where his eye was infected.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are things life gives us that are wonderful surprises that we cannot prepare for. I certainly was not prepared to adopt a stray, near death’s door, kitten and nurse him back to health. Luke was and continues to be one of the very best surprises that life gave me. One might think one is prepared for a pet, but I assure you no matter how many you’ve had before the next one is always its own set of special surprises. I imagine it is much like with children, each sibling is a unique challenge unto themselves.

It is a good thing that life carries with it surprises that you cannot readily respond to without a little growth or creative thinking. It is in these moments of challenge that we are stretched into stronger and (hopefully) better versions of ourselves. Consider what might happen if we could simply prepare for everything life is going to throw at us. How might that affect our development? Would we learn humility? Would we be resilient? Would we think creatively? Would we feel empathy for others when they are struggling to overcome their own challenges? Would we be able to help them? From my own observations, individuals who have not been adequately challenged and overly protected from the surprises of life seem to struggle in these areas. They are disconnected from reality without experiencing the full wealth of life. We have the biggest opportunities for growth in the things we couldn’t prepare for.

Photo by Dagmara Dombrovska on Pexels.com

These challenges can be gifts! Contrasting experiences help highlight one another much like how two characters act as foils to one another in order for a reader to fully understand both. I ask you to consider, dear reader, how much sweeter is the view from a mountain top that you struggled to see versus one that you did not? It might seem nice to simply drive your car up and look at the view, but I can almost promise you the person who hiked the whole thing is probably enjoying it more. Without the challenge you may be missing more than half the experience and certainly none of the triumph.

These are gifts not only for your own personal growth, but also for the opportunities they present. In those times, you may discover your best friend or gain a new skill that lands you your dream job. You may get to live out a bucket list experience or finally get that break you’ve been needing. If we are constantly grasping at control we miss the opportunities around us, focusing on the negative instead of what might be. We close ourselves off to the possibilities continuing to ram our heads against a wall that will not break completely missing the door that has been opened instead.

In fact we may hurt ourselves most when we refuse to let go of control. How many times have we been told to relax when getting a shot because it hurts more when we’re tensed up? Life is often the same way. When we are tense and controlling, life hits a lot harder than when we are relaxed and go with the flow of things. In that flow state, we are willing and open to trying new things, to look for windows rather than doors, to see beauty where others only see ash, to believe in what might yet be without being too attached to any one thing.

This “harsh” truth is once again a blessing in disguise. It encourages us to let go of all the things we cannot control and to focus on what we can control, ourselves. Preparing for everything is exactly trying to control everything. So often we plan to free ourselves of worry, but we fail to see the burden we take up instead. Do you think about the sheer amount of mental weight you place on controlling everything? If you control everything, then everything that goes wrong is your fault! That is certainly a weighty responsibility to carry about. What about all the extra effort you place to prepare for things that never happen? How much time is stolen from you? Consider my own tendency to overprepare. Do you have any idea how heavy all my extra stuff becomes when I go out places? My bag is bigger than everyone else’s and heavier. Almost no one offers to carry it (precisely because it’s heavy) but they certainly don’t mind asking me for help. They all get to walk around free from care because I’m carrying the burden of their worries. Granted, my sister is also a planner and so we take turns carrying the bag, but other than her, it is a rare person indeed who offers.

I have also gotten better about over packing and overplanning saying instead that I have some extra cash and we’ll be near a store if something happens for most of our day trips opting instead to merely go with the flow. The freedom of this cannot be understated. Instead of focusing on all that can go wrong, I look forward to the event. Instead of endlessly checking the weather leading up to it, I just wait until the morning of to make any decisions. I plan for what I’d like to happen without closing myself off to new possibilities – more than often better possibilities.

This principle can be applied to the small things like a day out to the larger challenges like a pandemic. Let go of the burden of control and take up the freedom of the flow. Embrace the challenges as the opportunities they are! Yes, they often suck in the moment, but looking back you will be amazed at yourself for getting through!

The Majority of Your Limits Are Self-imposed

Published on September 17, 2024July 19, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

What an extraordinary thought! How many times have we thought to ourselves that something simply couldn’t be done only to learn later that it was actually super easy, barely an inconvenience, had we simply approached it with a different mindset? We so often falsely limit ourselves with thoughts of how things ought to be done or should be done or even can be done. We allow fear of failure or being told “no” to dissuade us from trying or asking. We choose safety and comfort over risk.

It is not wrong to feel these things! There are reasons we have been told that things ought to be done a certain way. There is merit in collective wisdom. There is also merit in challenging the collective wisdom as our culture evolves and changes. Ways of doing things that once worked may no longer work in today’s world.

We are right to fear rejection. No one likes feeling rejected, especially when you have already faced so much in life, as you may have dear reader. When you make a request or reach out, it is with an earnest desire and hope for assistance or a chance. If that request is denied, we have to experience hope dashed upon the rocks. After feeling that so many times, it is difficult to muster up the courage to go once more upon the breach.

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Taking risks is, well, risky. If we have a family to support or are struggling to get by it can be quite difficult to take those first steps. Not only that, but also you must have the necessary physical, mental and emotional energy to pour into the venture. We may hear of these many rags to riches stories, and may be inspired to go out and try. However, the long term success of a business is rather bleak. In the first five years, 45% will fail. By the 10th year, 65% fail and by the 15th year, 75% of businesses close. Is it any wonder so many choose to stay in the confines of other people’s businesses, suffering in less than optimal work conditions? Easy to say no risk, no reward, but if the risk is your housing, safety and security? Our world seems almost made to keep us ground down and distracted rather than having the freedom to thrive as individuals.

That is why this truth can seem harsh. Because it is asking us to fight against so much of what we’ve been taught and to make some difficult choices. I just gave you, dear reader, some very good reasons to keep your limitations and your feet on the ground. One can almost hear the Disney montage queuing up in the background about following your dreams, seeking adventure and believing in magic. Inspiring to be sure, but your pragmatic self is certain to reassert itself with all its very sensible objections and limitations. So what is one to do?

It is important to recognize what limits you have imposed to assess them. That is what makes this truth so freeing. Rather than being mindless slaves to the restrictions, we get to decide if those restrictions are in fact truthful and challenge them a bit. Perhaps, even become a bit playful with the challenge.

Consider my approach to the possibility of being told no in response to a request. It is actually quite simple, I do not go in with actual hope of a “yes”. I go into expecting a no. Why then do I bother asking? Because, dear reader, it is always a no, until you ask! Therein lies the secret! Asking only allows the possibility of a no becoming a yes and what a delightful surprise the yes becomes! What is more, I get a positive answer much more than one might think! Or perhaps it is a psychological trick of merely focusing on the positive results and forming a bias in that direction, but it’s a helpful one so I’m not overly concerned about it. The limit was the fear of the no and the rejection, but then I realized that I was already living in the no. I was rejecting myself on behalf of others and not even offering them the chance to alter the self-imposed limitation. What a freeing realization that was.

You may feel you do not have the skills to land a job when looking through the qualifications. Did you know that many people land jobs even if they don’t hit every tick-mark on the list? Did you know that sometimes you can land a job with just a cold call? I recently decided to make a career move, called up an old boss about whether they had a potential position open at her current company. They ended up creating a position for me and hired me on. I could have easily looked at her current company and saw they were not hiring for what I was looking for and left it at that. My attitude towards “no” is what helped me reach out and ask.

What other limitations might be holding you back from living your best life? It doesn’t have to be a career. It could be hobbies you want to take up. Do you want to sing? It takes time and practice but 15 minutes a day can make a huge difference. Everyone has to start somewhere. It’s not like you’re auditioning for America’s Got Talent! There’s even some cool apps that help you find the right pitch and intonation for your voice range. Are there places you want to go or things you’d like to experience? You can read lots of posts from me here where I don’t travel far to do the things I want to do. When one stops to consider it, this whole blog is about challenging the limitation that in order to fully live you have to spend tons of money and travel the world!

Do I still live with some self-limiting beliefs? Of course! We all do. There are ones that for the moment I am willing to sit in. I recognize that they are limiting and I’m not ready to take on the risk or challenge that removing them would require. That doesn’t mean that I will always keep them. Life is about risks, but we also need to seriously assess them and whether we’re ready to take those next steps. The point isn’t to remove them all but to assess them and then actively choose them if they are right for us at the time. We also may have to make some difficult choices and pay a price that we’re not okay with paying in order to move forward.

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It’s like the difference between free climbing a cliff and climbing with ropes. It is much safer to climb with ropes and you should absolutely not attempt a free climb until you have some experience. However, the idea that you could never do a free climb is a limiting belief and I am certain there is a much greater sense of thrill and accomplishment for those who do free climb. The point is rather than allowing ourselves to remain forever tethered, we get to work towards being ready, to choose to let go and climb freely. Once we do that, we really can conquer mountains.

You are Responsible for Your Own Happiness

Published on September 10, 2024July 19, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

I absolutely love this truth. For some, dear reader, this may seem a bit scary even mean. However, consider this from another angle, if you are not responsible for your own happiness who is? The answer of course is other people. Other people whom you cannot control and who may not have your own interests and needs in mind, let alone your happiness. And if they’re responsible for your happiness, does that make you responsible for theirs? Does that mean that you are expected to sacrifice yourself to their whims and desires in order to make them happy? How can you possibly be expected to know what will make them happy?

We humans are such fickle creatures and are almost never really satisfied. How can we all collectively be responsible for other people’s happiness and never our own? This constant cycle of pleasing people without thought to our own happiness can only leave us all miserable and unhappy. How freeing is it to say that “I am responsible for my happiness and you are responsible for yours”?

It is a reclamation of our own autonomy and choice. It frees us of the shackles of other people’s actions and reliance on them to do the “right thing” and allows us to fully stand in our own power. There are countless stories of human resilience, where people in terrible conditions were still able to choose not happiness but deep abiding joy. These are people who fully embraced their own power and would not allow their joy to be robbed by their oppressors or abusers. It was a way to take back what power they could to refuse to allow a prison to be one.

It is not easy to choose joy. It is not easy to be positive in the face of terrible circumstances and sometimes we do need to “sit in the suck”. I’m not an advocate of toxic positivity, because I don’t believe in suppressing negative emotions. I also don’t believe in feeding negative emotions. There is a time and place to process what’s going on, but not to swim in it, ‘till your fingers get all pruny. Acknowledge the “suck”, say it stinks, allow yourself to feel the unfairness, the injustice and general stink of whatever the situation is. Then cultivate your choices and possible responses.

This entire blog is devoted to a positive response of “the suck”. I did not have the time, energy and resources to live out a certain lifestyle. I could have easily gotten stuck in a negative mindset that I would never get to do the things I dreamed about doing. That I would continue to wish my life away and watch the years tick by until I was too old and sick to even enjoy the things even if I finally managed to save up the money to go do them. It would have been easy to shake my fist at a system that prevents so many people from making positive steps forward with stagnant wages, inflation and other social ills and give up. Instead, I looked around at what I could do instead. The answer was, I could do a lot. As it turns out, it allowed me to live out my values better than the original plan.

I did not have to rely on anyone to change the system. I simply went off and started making different choices. I choose to reevaluate my local community and see it in a new light. I choose to find happiness in the little things, seeing even small moments as things worthy of a bucket list. I will most likely write a post at a later date and time about cultivating daily gratitude, because that is what has helped to cultivate my happiness the most. I choose joy and I choose to be responsible for my own happiness. What a wonderful and freeing feeling that has been.

5 “Harsh” Truths About Life

Published on September 3, 2024July 19, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

I recently came across a post on facebook that really resonated with me, but perhaps not in the way it was meant.

Five Harsh Truths About Life:

1. You are responsible for your own happiness.

2. The majority of your limits are self-imposed.

3. You can never fully prepare for everything life will throw at you.

4. You will mess up. The best thing you can do is learn from it and move on.

5. Your loved ones will not be around forever.

Although, I don’t know that I would call them harsh, in fact I would say these are freeing truths. In my next five posts, I will be diving into each of these truths to show you how awesome each one is and how these can free you to live your best life.