BudgetBliss

Tales from Abroad: Life Unbound

Published on January 10, 2025December 7, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

I had the privilege of spending a semester abroad in my academic studies. For five months, I was halfway across the world, in a non-English speaking country for the most part on my own with limited support. This was a world before smart phones and easy roaming charges. I was for the most part armed with a local flip phone for emergencies, my wits and conversational German. It was just as daunting and fun as one imagines.

I suppose it was this experience that really solidified my adventurous spirit. How many times have I thought to myself “If I can get lost in the middle of Paris and still catch the train back to Marburg how hard can this be?” It instilled in me a sense of confidence to be able to navigate foreign places, solve problems on the fly and still be successful. There were certainly challenges.

There were the physical challenges that Germany presented me on day one. I thought I was a fairly experienced traveler having flown numerous times in the United States and I figured that Germany being another Western Country wouldn’t be too different. Stairs are apparently a thing everywhere in Germany and pose a much more serious problem than in the US when it comes to traveling with multiple bags. I had packed my bags anticipating the ease of traversing an airport with multiple rolling bags that I had in America, but Germany wasn’t as accommodating when it comes to rolling suitcases. Luckily, I did have some help in that I was traveling with a group of students, but they weren’t always the most helpful.

First, getting the bags down the escalators was a nightmare. I distinctly remember one of our bags just tumbling down the escalator as a complete hazard. Second, the trains had stairs. I had never encountered trains with stairs. I don’t even think I had seen such things in movies. Now, it does seem that since I’ve been in the country the train system is not as ruthlessly efficient as I remember it being. However, when I went, the trains were almost always on time and they did not wait for you to finish boarding, you had to get on or you would be left behind and the staff would not wave to the conductor to hold for you.

So there I was tossing my bags up onto the train and trying to get myself on with probably less than two minutes to get myself on board. The stairs were more akin to ladders than stairs, so I was trying to frantically climb onto the train with my bags. Being a naturally clumsy person, in a situation where balance was particularly challenging, I of course started to fall backwards. Luckily for me, the train doors shut just as I was about to stumble back onto the platform. Had I fallen back sooner, I would have been left on the platform with my bags on the train in a strange country and no real way to contact anyone. Had I not managed to get my bags on, I would have been on the train with the bags left behind! Certainly not my best moment! The saga of the stairs did not end there, there were stairs everywhere with almost no elevators to speak of, my legs looked amazing my the end of the trip and I do recommend the Germany Stair Master 5000, 5 month workout plan to you aspiring models.

My face at seeing that I had to climb yet MORE stairs!

I faced the challenge of navigating a truly arcane system for signing up for classes. I had never seen such a discombobulated, uncoordinated system in my life. Some classes you signed up for in person, some were online, some you had to practically hunt down like some sort of secret cult meeting. I’m still not exactly sure how I managed to actually sign up for my classes, but I somehow squeaked by with the requirements and managed to get myself in courses I felt i could handle with my level of German. Although Frankfurt in Mittelalter was more than I could chew since the first day they wanted me to read latin and I had to read 15th century German documents for a research paper. Essentially, it was like handing a non native speaker of English the original Canterbury Tales and telling them to have at it. I may have spent 3 days researching the history of the German language in order to translate what I was reading before attempting to write anything.

While I was there, I independently traveled to Paris, Dublin, Nuremberg, Cologne, Frankfurt, and Rome. I planned every part of those trips from booking the plane tickets, navigating transportation to and from the airports, found the hostels and traversed the cities learning the unique public transit of each one. I went with a group of school students on a trip to Berlin and joined Brethren Colleges Abroad for trips to Vienna and Strasbourg. These trips did not involve how to get there or where to stay, but I did have to traverse them on my own, figure out which sights I wanted to see and ensure that I was on time for the checks in.

While there, I bought my own groceries on a strict budget (most of my money went to my trips rather than to food). I cooked my own food learning how to use a gas oven which terrified me the first time I used it because I had never had to light an oven with a match before. I had to learn how to sort trash like the Germans and all the quirks of their culture. I learned to navigate a completely arcane university system as well as see the world a little differently. I met a fantastic travel companion, a fellow American who shared my love of reading. I wish I could say we stayed in touch and are still best friends, but sadly like many adult friendships it did not last much beyond our semester in Germany as we were from and returned to different parts of the country.

While I was in Germany, I took advantage of the relatively cheap travel through Ryanair and checked many things off my list. I will say that for the most part I was unable to savor the cities that I visited as I often only had 1 ½ to 2 days in which to see them. That did require me to at times semi-race through places focusing on the absolute “musts” rather than casually strolling through as I may have liked. The Louver itself is a whole day affair if one is to truly take it all in. Sadly, I only saw the highlights rather than everything it had to offer. Which is really what can be said of several of the places I visited (Paris, Dublin, Berlin, and Strasbourg) other places I like Vienna and Rome, I had an entire week to see which allowed me to do much more. I even took a day trip to the beach while in Rome, so I can say that I swam in the Mediterranean. It is unsurprisingly much like swimming in the Atlantic, at least just outside of Rome it is. Also, after Paris I was much more able to navigate the foreign public transit system as I had very little experience prior to coming to Europe

Through all my adventures, I was required to bring a “can do attitude” and resourcefulness. I managed almost all my mistakes or set backs with grace under fire with one exception. But even that turned out well.

I got to know so many people in my travels. I listened to their perspective and saw how the different parts of the world views America and by extension me as an American. Some of them were harsh criticisms, others were high praise. I was baffled by the Spaniard who was insulted that I hadn’t chosen to learn Spanish rather than German. I was embraced by a very drunk Irishmen who was just thrilled to death about Obama’s recent election after George Bush. I got to witness a student protest over tuition which blew my mind because back home we all just sort of shrugged with a “what can we do?” when faced by yet more college fees. I listened to young and old shared their lives, their hopes and their thoughts.

Traveling abroad expanded my horizons, strengthened my character and taught me resilience. It reinforced my spirit of adventure and voracious appetite to learn about places, experience things and know new people.

Myself and my travel buddy Erica whom I met in Marburg

How can you live abroad?

For many people this is a Bucket List item. Although, I suspect it was mostly put there by people who are much richer than the rest of us. If you aren’t a college student, this is a much more difficult prospect as the semester abroad only cost me $600 more than staying at college (not counting the extra trips I took). To me it was well worth the $600 extra investment on top of the investment I was already making in my education. Otherwise living abroad can be quite costly without gainful employment and how many of us realistically are going to find jobs where we can work in another country? I have seen some groups which advertise house sitting in Europe which would help take care of your accommodations, but there’s still pesky things like food that you need to pay for and if you’re house sitting you can’t really travel around all that much. Plus, what about your own house back home and your job?

That doesn’t mean that all is lost. One of the principles of the thing is that you’re willing to put yourself in a fairly unfamiliar situation, with limited access to outside supports forcing you to navigate unique challenges and overcome. A solo road trip through the United States where you just jump in the car and go, may present you with similar challenges.

The other principle is that you’re interacting with a lot of different people from around the globe with a willing and humble spirit to be shown their perspective. I continue to do both things in my life. Taking a short week backpacking in Mexico or Peru can be just as challenging if not more than navigating a semester in Germany. Talking to someone online who’s from Beirut may expand your understanding of the world far more than talking to someone you met in France because of the greater cultural differences.

Just living abroad does not necessarily confer these challenges either. It is easy to wall yourself off in an English speaking enclave and never leave depending on where you go. Had I gone to Germany, only hung out with American students, taken classes in English and never left my dorm, would that have given me the same experience? No, I may as well have stayed in America for all it did for me other than give me some social clout to say “I spent a semester abroad”. Remember, dear readers, we do not marry the principles of what we desire to the thing itself. Our desires can manifest in many forms and be just as satisfying if not moreso.

Still if you truly desire to do so, then my recommendation is to learn another language and start applying for jobs abroad. You obviously don’t need to learn another language, but it is certainly helpful. As of this writing the best jobs abroad are teacher, volunteer, medical industry, tour guide, yachting, au pair, scuba dive instructor, yoga instructor, working for an international company and obtaining a working holiday visa. As you can see many of them are easier said than done and do require some sort of specialization. So do your market research and consider what it would really mean to go abroad. After all you only live once, why not live it a little unbound?

Completed: Spring 2009

Cost: $600

Miles from home: about 4,000

Full disclosure: As stated above, it was only $600 in addition to my college tuition, so I’m not counting the cost of tuition as I would have paid that one way or the other. I also didn’t include my additional travels but all told they probably cost me about $1500. Two of those trips were covered in the cost of my studies.

Loneliness Epidemic: How a Bucket List Can Bring Connection

Published on January 7, 2025November 10, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

In May 2023, the U.S. The Surgeon General announced that we were experiencing a loneliness epidemic and that it was killing us. Many experts linked loneliness to adverse health effects similar to those of smoking and obesity. It is associated with increased risk for heart disease, stroke, diabetes, dementia, depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicidality. It’s not just in the United States, the World Health Organization recognized this as a global issue and in the fall of 2023 launched an international commission to study the problem.

There are many ideas as to why we’ve increasingly become isolated even though we’re more connected than ever. As we’ve increased our digital presence, we’ve decreased our physical one replacing deeper connections with superficial online ones. That isn’t to say you cannot have a deep connection with someone you met online, people have done it. I’ve done it – but it is rare. There is only one deep online relationship that I’ve had that has lasted more than a year or two, but there’s many more people in my life outside my immediate family whom I’ve had a deep and lasting relationship with for over 20 years.

As a culture we are isolated, in our homes, scrolling on our phones not really knowing each other more than superficially. We present the curated version of ourselves to the outside world, never sharing our struggles or vulnerabilities. We don’t share real authentic conversations and disagreements usually end in blocking and a refusal to work things out. We’ve lost our ability to civilly coexist with differing opinions and perspectives which only leads to more isolation because no one is going to agree with you 100% of the time on every issue. Or we don’t share our whole views and ideas because we don’t want to begin an argument that will lose us yet another friend, leaving us with shallow relationships. We are afraid to be open and vulnerable, to make a mistake or work through discomfort to arrive at a place of mutual understanding and respect.

We fill our spare time up with meaningless and empty consumption of media, to numb the pain of being isolated. With our own family members we sit next to each other in our own worlds on our phones and not with each other. In 2006, I read a book called Bowling Alone which discussed our already declining social capital. Membership in community organizations such as churches, sports leagues, and volunteerism was on the decline then and continues to be now. So this isn’t really a new issue, since at the time of the book’s publication social media and smartphones hadn’t really taken off. Unfortunately, rather than helping the problem, it exasperated the issue of social capital.

One reason for this, is that we’ve lost third spaces, or places where people can gather for a relatively low cost. Even without the loss of parks, with more extreme weather, we’re losing the ability to access them. No one wants to sit together for hours at a park when it’s 100 degrees and a pool membership is expensive. Malls have closed. Libraries are under funded. Even activities that used to be relatively cheap are no longer accessible. Going to the bowling alley used to be a cheap family activity, but no longer. Many formerly free events open to the public have become ticketed experiences. This means our relationships have suffered from lack of consistent contact and engagement.

So what are we to do, dear reader? Well there are some recommendations which are more policy level, which while we can influence a little bit. Although, it is difficult for the average voter to leverage much in the way of power to force change. However, we can cultivate a culture of connection. How might you ask? Why by inviting your friends and families along to your bucket list adventures, which when kept closer to home are more accessible for everyone.

We all know that shared experiences strengthen relationships. These moments become more than just peaks for you, they become peaks for them as well. They become part of the trove of memories that you can reminisce about and form a special shared history. By joining in the ups and downs with one another we foster empathy, support and understanding. Sometimes these moments can create opportunities to be vulnerable with one another. In getting away from the busyness of everyday life and into a relaxing quiet setting, you find yourself opening up and sharing parts of yourself that you wouldn’t necessarily post on your social media pages. There’s room for the nuance of discussion.

We also know that spending time together is part of the way we express love and caring for one another. Having to navigate experiences helps to foster trust between you and demonstrates reliability. There have been many times when my sister and I have had to come to an agreement about where to go, how to get there or make decisions on the best approach. Luckily, years of sharing a room together had already taught us how to negotiate with one another, but it reinforces the relationship. I’ve often been surprised by how little time other people spend with their siblings who live relatively close by, but consistently going on dates together keeps our bond strong.

You will almost never read a post about an activity undertaken alone, because part of any bucket list moment is sharing it with people I care about. It’s not about doing alone, it’s about using these as times to connect, to build bridges and create strong relationships. What has been inspiring to me is that by going out and experiencing more of the world, friends have reached out to me with cool ideas knowing that I am someone who will take them up on their offer. There have been times when I’ve come along for the ride for someone else’s bucket list activity. I was delighted to help make their dreams come true.

I’ve also inspired them to enjoy more of what our local area has to offer. They’ve taken their boyfriends places or invited their family to join them for adventures. We’re fostering a culture of connection among each other and it’s spreading to other groups. It’s my ardent hope that this blog inspires you, dear reader, to go out with your loved ones on your adventures big and small. I hope that it helps you build connections with people and strengthens your bonds to combat loneliness, anxiety and depression. I hope that these adventures help foster confidence and self-assurance. I hope that this does not stop with myself or your, dear reader, but rather it spreads to other groups so that we’re all a little less lonely and feel like we belong to our communities. I can’t do much to change the world, but I can be the change I want to see in the world. One thing I hope to do is help build stronger connections and help others feel a little less alone.

Spa Days & Self-Care

Published on January 3, 2025December 7, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

If someone had told me that I would be one of those women who get massages every month, I probably would have laughed in their face about the foolishness of such a self-indulgent and frankly expensive habit. I never dreamed that the words “I’m sorry I have my massage that day, I can’t,” would escape my lips. However, that was before I discovered the many health benefits of massage.

I believe I’ve shared my mom’s health issues and how at the age of 46 she suffered a stroke which left her disabled. For almost twenty years, she has had over twenty surgeries, dozens of hospitalizations for various infections, has developed diabetes and other autoimmune disorders and at one point was in a wheelchair. To say that I started taking my health very seriously is an understatement.

For me, massage and other spa related activities are to help prevent having serious issues. Despite the expense of the monthly massage my logic is rather simple for the budget minded (as we all are here on this blog). My mother spends well over $100 every month for her medication and is in near constant pain. I can spend $70-$100 each month on a massage and feel great, look great and enjoy my life to the fullest. This isn’t to say that people with chronic illness can’t enjoy full lives – just, it’s a lot harder when you’re sick and I don’t think a single one of them reading this would argue that point. I think most of them would say, “pick the massages!” over the medications and pain.

Besides feeling great, massages are known to reduce stress and anxiety, improve sleep, lessen pain and muscle tension, improve immune function and help the facia system. You might not be familiar with the last one on the list. Facia is connective tissue around our joints, muscles and organs which helps provide structure and allow for fluid movement. When our facia isn’t well cared for it can cause many painful conditions. Something they found massage does is help to ensure the facia fibers are nice and straight instead of a tangled mess. That knotted muscle? May actually be “knotted” facia!

Photo by Photo By: Kaboompics.com on Pexels.com

Fun family side note, my mother was diagnosed with mixed connective tissue disorder which affects her facia which explained the twenty surgeries in twenty years. Her joints were literally falling apart because her facia couldn’t hold them together and since she’s starting going to a massage therapist regularly she hasn’t needed another surgery on her joints. It has a pretty strong genetic component, so there’s a significant chance that I will have issues with my own joints if I’m not careful.

I have found this seemingly self-indulgent habit has been key to keeping me healthy and active, along with a healthy diet and regular exercise. Each month it’s an appointment with myself one hour to truly relax and unwind. I enter the spa greeted by friendly faces who have come to know me well. I sign some paperwork, they review any changes and then my neck is wrapped in a warm towel until my massage therapist is ready for me. She reviews my history, checks to see if there has been any changes. I find it’s important to communicate anything that has stressed my system out whether that’s a lot of time spent in the car, extra gardening or stress at work. Together we formulate a plan, she relying on my own experience and me relying on her expertise of how to address the problems (usually a tense right shoulder).

After she leaves the room, I underdress to my comfort level and slip into the luxurious blankets, warmed by the heated table. I take a nice deep breath in and hold it before letting it slowly out. Tranquil music plays overhead in the dimly lit room. Already, the stress and tension begins to leave my body and for the next hour, it’s all about me. No one can reach me with my phone turned off and my smart watch tucked away in my purse. There is nothing to interrupt the time I have set aside for my own self-care. Alexandra makes adjustments as needed from the temperature of the bed to the pressure she uses, checking in with me and asking for feedback. Parts of me which ached and protested movement release under her careful administrations leaving me in a state of blissful tranquility where the stress of daily life has melted away.

Imagine sinking into a comfortable, cushioned table as skilled hands begin to work their magic. The pressure varies from gentle strokes to deeper kneading, melting away any tension you might be holding. The sensation of the massage is both calming and invigorating. As the therapist’s hands glide over your muscles, you might feel a warm, soothing release, almost like a wave of relaxation washing over you. Time is almost suspended as she works over each part of your body. The scents of the oil waft into your nose transporting your far away from the world. Your mind drifts between reality and a dream. Then what could have been an eternity or mere moments, she whispers ever so softly that it’s time. She slips out of the room and you begin to move your heavy limbs, stretching them out as if testing them. You take one more deep breath in and out, before slipping back into your clothes and re-entering the world.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I have gotten several different kinds of massage from the classic swedish, to the hot stone, to himalayan salt stones to even alternating between hot and cold. My favorite is the hot stone because the heat sinks deep into the tissues allowing Alexandra to work the muscles and facia more easily to maximize her effectiveness.

There is something to be said about setting aside time each month for yourself as a “mini-vacation”. For one hour, I completely disconnect from the outside world and focus on nothing else but relaxing. There is no one else to intrude upon it and I can either strike up a conversation with Alexandra or tell her that I want a quiet session where I can focus on my breathing or half doze. I am obliged to no one, not required to think or decide, it is truly a getaway. So many times our trips and free time get filled up with activities that while fun are not necessarily restful and rejuvenating. That is precisely what my monthly appointment entails. There are few other places that bring me the same level of relaxation.

I think we often overlook self-care and the things we need to do for ourselves as indulgences or even selfish. It is not an indulgence for me to say that given my family history, I need to take extra preventative steps for my physical health. It is also not an indulgence to say that I have a stressful job as a social worker and that carving out untouchable “me-time” is not being selfish. Caring for ourselves is as important as caring for others, after all if we don’t care for ourselves, eventually we will be the ones needing the care. It’s not an indulgence or selfish to do things for yourself.

I liken it to when the oxygen level drops suddenly on an airplane. You are to put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others. The reasoning is perfectly logical, if you end up passed out from lack of oxygen while trying to help someone else, chances are there will be two people in medical distress instead of one. You do no one any good passed out from lack of oxygen! My mom despite the improvements still isn’t healthy and still needs help around the house. I have to be able to care for us both, which means taking the time to take care of me. Part of that self-care, is the monthly massage.

How can you get a massage or begin a monthly self-care routine?

Luckily, there are many options available for a massage from a one time fee to a monthly membership. I happen to have a monthly membership with Hand and Stone for about $70 each month. Which is probably about the cost of most people’s daily coffee habit. The membership fee covers the cost of a one hour massage and if I miss a month it rolls over into the next month, so I never need to worry if I am unable to make it in that I will have “wasted” my money.

Even if you cannot make it a monthly habit, it is good to indulge in yourself occasionally with spa days or even just a massage occasionally as it is a readily accessible mini-vacation that can fit into almost any schedule no matter how busy.

However, whether you indulge or not in them, I still recommend making a habit of self-care. Schedule meetings with yourself where you take time to stretch, meditate, drink tea or just lie in bed and snuggle your cats. Turn off your phone, listen to relaxing music and just be for a small period of time. Get a spa kit for home and indulge in that way. If you have a partner take turns giving each other neck rubs. There are books and resources to help you learn some of the techniques of the massage therapists.

Completed July 2017 (ongoing)

Cost: $70 with membership (ongoing) or one time fee $120

Miles from home: 3

Not my Monkey, Not my Circus

Published on December 31, 2024November 10, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

Those have got to be six of the most freeing words I have ever heard uttered. They were spoken by the executive director of my internship placement and it was a lightbulb moment. As a young, budding professional still in graduate school, I often took on more than what was mine. I was shouldering burdens, piling on unnecessary stress and adding to my every growing pile of responsibilities. Seeing her close her eyes and utter those words were deeply profound, it was like getting permission to start setting boundaries around my professional and personal responsibilities even if the actions of other people affected my responsibilities. It gave me the freedom to say if someone else doesn’t get their piece done, it doesn’t mean I have to step in.

The idiom actually comes from a Polish proverb, but its colorful imagery resonates so strongly that it needed almost no translation when it crossed over to the English speaking world. It perfectly encapsulates personal boundaries and discretion, encouraging us to consider where our responsibilities lie. We we invoke this phrase it means that we must practice discernment about what is ours to handle and what we have to others handle. It helps us prioritize our energy and attention rather than leaping to intervene. It also helps us relinquish control to others.

I can at times be a bit of a control freak. This probably stems from perfectionism and anxiety. I want to do a good job; I want to be helpful; I want the whole group to do well, and I want to know that it’s done. This means that if someone else on the team isn’t doing their part, I just step in and take over without necessarily being asked or considering that maybe the other person was in the process of doing it, just not on my timeline. This means that sometimes I jump in and just do for someone rather than allowing them to do it themselves.

I was on the receiving end of this once and I was rather annoyed. I was working with a partner in class and we had split the parts of the project it was due in three weeks. Not a week after the assignment, she had completed the entire thing, robbing me of the experience of learning and I was worried I’d get a bad grade on the project because she didn’t let me do anything. It communicated a lack of trust and a poor assessment of my skills. So, instead of both of us being happy with the work and doing well, she felt resentful and overburdened and I felt insulted.

My mother is also someone who has needed to learn this phrase. She is a go-getter and also a bit of a perfectionist- I can’t imagine where I got my perfectionistic trait from, ‘tis a mystery that only the wisest of sages shall ever be able to solve. Alas, us mere mortals shall simply have to remain in the dark.

My mother too has fallen into the trap taking on that which was not hers. I saw this play out in her stories from her job. Where one of her co-workers would fall behind and leave work undone. My mother, being the responsible person that she is, would complete her work and then help that person. Well, that person kept leaving more and more work for my mother. Until, she would simply never do anything she didn’t feel like doing leaving my mother feeling resentful and angry. The final straw was when my mother’s supervisor tried to start holding my mother accountable for the undone work instead of her fellow employee!

So you can see dear reader, the dangers that lurk when one forgets which monkeys belong to your circus and which monkeys belong to the other persons. Your relationships with others suffer. You may reinforce the idea that the person is a failure and can’t be trusted with responsibility undermining their sense of competency and self-worth. You may find them upset that you rob them of opportunities to grow and try. You may find that they take advantage of you by constantly passing on the responsibility to you. You will also find that you’re overburdened and burned out. You will be resentful towards those whose responsibilities you now hold. One thing we know about resentment is that it is a relationship killer. It often leads to anger, fuels criticism and feeds contempt.

Photo by Merilin Kirsika Tedder on Pexels.com

This phrase is part of setting boundaries, of knowing where you start and stop. It is not my responsibility to get my neighbor to mow his lawn, even though the tall grass might annoy me. Going over there and mowing the lawn for him, may be seen as a nice gesture, but only if I knocked on the door and asked if he would like some assistance. Otherwise, it’s trespassing on private property and socially unacceptable. While it may be nice for me to watch my friend’s child when she goes to the hospital, it’s not my responsibility to do so and if I can’t watch the child because I have other responsibilities that I need to take care of, those needs come before hers. It is not my responsibility to complete the work of my neighbor, partner, parent, friend, co-worker or anyone else.

My co-worker recently asked if I could switch on-call weeks with her. I almost said yes, but then checked my calendar. I had an appointment that weekend and I purposefully had not taken the on-call phone so I could keep that appointment. I told her no. The on-call phone was not my monkey that week and it wasn’t my problem that she had forgotten about her plans that weekend when she agreed to take it. She did get another co-worker to switch, but had I not heard that phrase I probably would have said yes and then felt resentful and angry if I had gotten called that weekend.

When I can clearly see what monkeys belong in my circus, I can focus on the things that I am responsible for and let go of what I am not. This freeing phrase is a stable of my life and I hope, dear reader, it becomes a stable of yours.

A Wickedly Good Time: A Broadway Musical in New York

Published on December 27, 2024January 3, 2026 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

Considering the movie version is at its height of being popular, It seems that now is the perfect time to write about my very first Broadway Musical experience, Wicked (from my Reverse Bucket List).

I must confess my confusion that after 20 plus years of being on the stage, the musical is still so beloved that it should have such a large fanbase that has flocked to the theaters to see it and sing along. It certainly is a good musical, catchy music, compelling characters, interesting plot, and full of deeper themes that will stand the test of time. However, I just hadn’t heard much about it since it first debuted back in 2003 which followed on the heels of the 1995 book. Seeing all the excitement surrounding the movie version of it has made me reminisce about my Broadway experience.

I was in my senior year of high school when the music department was able to schedule a trip up to New York city in order to see Wicked the musical. As our high school was about a 3 hour drive from New York, it wasn’t too far for us to do occasional class trips. As it happened, this trip was scheduled for the day after another trip to New York to see the Darwin Exhibit – so I happened to go twice in one week (but a post for another time). I had recently read the book from my library, curiosity finally winning out to discover what precisely had everyone in such a frenzy of excitement. As my school had done the Wizard of Oz musical in my freshman year, i was extremely curious to not only read the story from an alternative point of view but see the story from an alternative point of view.

Our field trip actually began in the later part of the school day as the performance would not be until the twilight hours. We piled onto the charter bus as a group of exuberant, nerdy teens ready to take on the world. For most of us, this would be the first time seeing a Broadway musical and for some it was their first time going to New York. The air was palpable with excitement which soon wore off after the initial jostling for seats and everyone settled into their places for the long trip up. There was the usual chatter, the occasional flirtatious glance between people, whispered gossip and playful teasing for which groups of teens are known for.

I was no different sitting with my friends and giggling most of the way uncertain of exactly what I was in for. I had of course heard of the infamous broadway and grew up watching various performances of musicals recorded on video. I didn’t know precisely what made Broadway so special other than that was where musicals were born. Even though I had just seen the famous city, I had not yet visited when the daylight fades and gives way to the bright lights of the streets. Would it really transform itself as I had been lead to believe?

As the bus rolled along, we began to start seeing signs for New York and signs for Wicked. The excitement on the bus began to build once again. The energy was barely contained within the seats. For myself, I remember half bouncing up and down in glee. Shortly – though not nearly quick enough – we had arrived in the big city. We were given leave to divide ourselves up into groups and we were taken to have pizza.

I remember walking through the streets taking in all the sites. The daylight had just started to fade, turning the sunlight to rose. There seemed to be too much to take in at once. Buildings towering over us. Music blared over the cacophony of sounds, traffic, horns, and construction. We spotted a street performer. Cars were everywhere, some of them quite unique like the limo humvee which alternatively amused and baffled us as quintessentially New York. Looking up we saw the famous billboards and lights, soon they would light the night and block out the stars and moon.

We were ushered into an upscale restaurant which was known for its pizza, though to this day I cannot quite recall its name. But I recall the atmosphere quite well. Like most upscale restaurants, the lighting was dim which only accentuated the richness of the dark wooden panels on the lower part of the walls. The upper half seemed to be a lighter cream though the shadows obscured the truth. I distinctly recall that we ate on the upper level looking down over the rest of the patrons. Perhaps, knowing that they would play host to rambunctious adolescents they wisely seated us away from their other customers lest we became a disturbance. If we were, I did not hear of it, though I cannot quite imagine that we were not at least slightly disruptive. However, most of us had been raised with at least decent enough manners, the problem of course is that when in the company of other teens, those manners seem to get forgotten.

I will fully admit that while yes, I had the infamous New York pizza, it didn’t really taste all that much better than the pizza I order from down the block monthly. Granted, the pizzeria is owned by a 2nd generation Italian immigrant whose grandparents owned a restaurant in Italy, so I may be a bit spoiled when it comes to Italian food.

What I remember most about the evening after arriving at the theater was that it was both exactly what I expected and not what I expected at all. First, dear reader, you must recall that a Broadway musical or really any theatrical performance “on Broadway” could take place on any one of 41 stages in New York City which can seat 500 or more persons. There are in point of fact only three theaters located on Broadway itself: Broadway Theater, Palace Theatre and Winter Garden Theatre. So even though one might picture Broadway and one of these three theaters, one might find oneself in a theater several blocks away.

Prior to going to a Broadway production, my theater experiences consisted of the Fulton in Lancaster and the Hershey Theater, neither of which are architectural sisters to those in New York. So while I had a vague notion of what a theater looked like from pictures and movies, it was still in juxtaposition to the Hershey which was designed after a cathedral in Venice and the Fulton which was designed as a Victorian Opera house. What struck me most was the sheer amount of red velvet that they had at the entrance. It seemed quite a bit odd while still ornate. I remember thinking that the entrance was a bit smaller than I had imagined as we were ushered into what seemed to be too small a space before opening up into a larger area.

To be honest, the venue vaguely reminded me of a posh movie theater. It had a more modern flair and everything was a rich dark red and black accented with golds. Sound was softened by the lush carpet so that the conversation of the crowd swarming inside was a hushed murmur around me. Everywhere I looked people were smiling with an eagerness of anticipation. Once inside the theater, the air positively hummed with the activity of people quickly seeking out their spots. I was situated stage left towards the middle of theater close enough to see well enough but not to really see the more subtle expressions of the actors.

It hardly mattered, from the moment the curtain rose and the first notes rang out, I was transfixed. Glinda floated down in a sparkling blue dress singing that no one would mourn the Wicked Witch. I remember watching the Wizard dance around the stage with Elphaba’s mother singing and giggling with one another, a slight deviation from the book already. By the second song of Dear Ol’ Shiz, I was taken up into the story which asks what makes someone wicked? The very same question that first led me to explore psychology and later a career in social work.

It’s hard to exactly describe the sheer spectacle of a broadway production from the sets to the costumes; everything is meticulously crafted to convey subtle messages and create impressions which help tell the story. Scattered throughout were small references to the original Wizard of Oz while still firmly establishing the differences from the source material. It began to take an almost dreamlike quality where your mind begins to fill in the holes that the set leaves open, a few trees become a forest, a few mock houses spring into a whole town until your mind is sort of tricked into thinking there was more than there really was.

It could be that it’s the songs that help weave the enchantment for there is ever magic in song. It makes it easy to slip out of solid reality and into the dream realm. After all, it’s really only in dreams that people would be singing and dancing to tell a story. Perhaps, the music really does help place your mind in an altered state allowing you to more fully experience it. The choreography only adds to dream as people twirl about the stage becoming whirls of color. During the songs with larger ensembles it becomes too much to take all in, your eyes unable to drink in each movement and the lyrics blend together in your ears.

However, just like the spells woven in the musical, so too, does the spell the cast holds over the audience eventually shatter. The last song sung, the last line spoken and as if on cue the audience breaks into applause the thundering of hundreds of hands slapping together creating a wave of discordant sound which rouses them out of their half dazed slumber. Half stumbling out into the night and slightly stiff from sitting too long, the crowd begins to dissipate. Each person with a sort of half glazed look in their eyes as if they aren’t quite free from the enchantment of the stage. Patrons speak excitedly to one another, a few hum, fewer still hum on key. A number of them will most likely find themselves in bars later drunk on more than just showtunes. For a group of rowdy teens, the only thing left to do was to be herded back onto the coach bus.

Considering the lateness of the night, we returned in relative quiet, the lights were turned low to allow us the opportunity to sleep. I was never one to really sleep during transportation, did not. Although the next day, I was exhausted for yet a third field trip with my German class, but that is a post for another time. I recall mostly stumbling into my bed in the wee hours of the morning resigned to the idea that in only a few short hours I would have to return to the waking world. Still, as I lay in my bed the songs played over in my mind and my dreams were swirls of color.

Years later, I went to another Broadway Musical, this time Kiss Me Kate, a retelling of Shakespear’s Taming of the Shrew. The magic that was cast was as real as the first time. Time once again was suspended and I was overtaken by the spell of the theater.

How can you see a Broadway Musical?

If you are lucky enough to be relatively close to New York City, then it is quite easy for one to get there. You can either be like my music department and secure transportation for the same day knowing that you may end up crawling back into your bed in the wee hours of the morning utterly spent and exhausted or you can arrange to stay overnight like I did when I went with my sister with a hotel close by. The latter option is of course far more expensive.

However, my sister and I had tacked on an evening in New York as part of a larger trip as we were departing from New York. We had determined that rather than trying to get to New York the same day as departure we opted to go the day before to ensure that we did not miss our cruise ship. This is certainly an option I encourage you to consider when traveling, dear reader. If you find that you need to arrive to or depart from a city you otherwise would not travel to, consider if it’s possible to extend your trip by a day in order to enjoy the sights. My sister did this in Barcelona as well and I hope to do so in London. If one is going to be there anyways then it is far cheaper in the long run to spend a little extra on a day rather than spending even more later on a separate trip.

Still, not everyone will be traveling in and out of New York nor is everyone able to travel to it on a lark for a day trip. Then the principle of the thing is what one must turn to. Now a Broadway production is a grand thing, but it is not the only way to enjoy a Broadway Musical which is a genre rather than the thing itself. There are many beautiful and glorious venues which put on performances of musicals. Take the earlier mentioned Hershey Theater which is a masterpiece of architecture. The quality of performances that have graced its stage are certainly equal to New York’s Broadway or London’s West End. Some performances may even surpass what one may see on Broadway depending on the quality of the actors, costumes and set pieces.

There is after all nothing inherently magical about a particular venue, Broadway just happens to be the place where most musical productions are developed and debuted. It is the place to go if you want to see the newest musicals; it is not the only place with capable of phenomenal performances. This is great news, as you, dear reader, are almost certainly within a reasonable distance of a grand theater which hosts performances. I encourage you to go forth to your nearest performance hall and find yourself lost in the magic of musical theater!

Completed: Spring 2006

Cost: Current cost $100 – 200 per ticket

Miles from home: 150

Be sure to check out my other Bucket List items whether my current list or my reverse list.

New Year’s Resolution or New Year’s Themes?

Published on December 24, 2024December 21, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

As it is Christmas Eve, that means that in only one week’s time, the New Year shall be upon us. After the Christmas festivities, carols, feasting, presents, and pageants, our attention shall turn to reflection of the year previous and to the year ahead. If you are like most people, dear reader, as always, you started the year with the best of intentions. You resolved to lose weight, write that novel, go on that vacation, finally get married, pay off that debt and others I haven’t named here.

Like most other people your resolution probably quickly faded. The habit you were trying to set didn’t quite “stick”. You may have faced a set back like an unexpected health issue preventing you from going to the gym every day or the time you set aside to work out got eaten up by staying late at work or if we’re honest, you were probably too exhausted and burned out to keep it up every single day. Then the feeling of failure crept in, negative self-judgments and justifications as to why you just can’t follow through with your plans followed quickly by negative coping usually in the form of doom scrolling through feeds you don’t even actually like and binge watching objectively terrible shows on whatever streaming services you happen to have.

Now, I could parrot the many articles as to why it is so difficult to keep resolutions. Yes, we often aim too high and bite off more than we can chew. The common advice is to set smaller more obtainable goals along the way like if we want to learn a new language, to devote 5 minutes a day to learn a word of phrase (that won’t work to help you learn a new language that’s terrible advice!). We’re extoled to consider the why we want to change. The experts will remind us of the adage that the pain of not changing has to be greater than the pain of changing for us to really change. Therefore, we must consider the greater purpose to our goals! Which is true to some extent – but I digress. I have yet to see these well meaning advice columns actually help.

However, there is one very clever YouTuber CGP Grey who introduced me to a new and novel approach to New Year’s Resolutions. Now, some of you may already be familiar with his work. If you’re someone who likes history, flags and other niche esoteric topics and have not yet discovered this gem of the internet, now you have and you’re welcome – but I digress again.

He suggests that we throw out the SMART Goal version of resolutions (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-bound) and instead introduce ourselves to a general theme. A SMART Goal may be I will reach A2 in Spanish by the end of the year; instead I might say “Year of Spanish”. It’s broad because it’s supposed to be. After all the point of most resolutions is that you’re trying to improve yourself in some manner so exact milestones don’t matter so long as the trend is positive you’re still reaching the goal. Even just stopping a negative trend can be a positive or decelerating one is still improvement. Maybe you didn’t lose weight, but you stopped gaining weight. Maybe you didn’t put on muscle mass, but you created a work out habit.

With a theme you’re focused less on the “big SMART goals” and mostly just focused on any small, positive changes you can make towards your theme. Your life is full of small branching decisions that allow you to have more, less or the same of the things you want. If your theme is Spanish and you find yourself standing in line, rather than scrolling on Instagram you pull out your phone and start learning Spanish words.

As Grey describes it, your theme becomes a friendly little bot pushing you in small moments towards your theme and a good theme can’t really fail because those small changes will start to add up. It’s a matter of picking large enough themes, to move your life in a positive direction that can encompass a myriad of ways to get there. Let’s say you want to lose weight, maybe your theme could instead be “Year of Health”. Your friendly little bot may nudge you towards eating healthier. However, you find that you struggle to make good choices with your eating habits but instead start walking every day, you are still on theme. Maybe you were thinking of going to the gym, instead of that gym member ship, your bot nudges you to buy those weights and you start doing some light exercise at home.

After all, we can’t plan for the future. If the resolution is I will lose x amount of weight by the end of the year and then you become ill, you may not be able to lose weight, heck your only goal may simply to be improve your health at all. If your theme was say health, then you haven’t failed because it wasn’t about the weight it was just making small choices in each moment towards the theme of health. Having a theme allows you to pivot with the hills and dales of life, a theme is adaptable. Maybe you started off trying to memorize different Spanish words and found that learning a word a day didn’t actually help you speak to your Spanish speaking co-worker. However, after a few stumbling interactions, she agrees to have lunch with you each day and starts to teach you – you haven’t failed because you stopped memorizing words. In fact that would be one of the best ways to learn!

By keeping yourself “on theme” you will begin to notice all the different choices that you make each day either towards the theme or away from the theme. This gets you to reflect on how you think which changes how you think. Instead of experiencing yet another failure of not meeting goals of your past self, you are free to experience the successes of the person you are in this moment and free to set down the path for your future self. Often what we envision the theme of the year to mean in January isn’t as we envision it in December, which is beautiful! According to CGP Grey, Themes should be broad, directional and resonant. It’s about building a life you want to live – which incidentally is exactly what this blog is about. Helping people life exceptional lives.

CGP Grey breaks down “Building A Life You Want to Live” into Themes, which goes into systems to build up those themes, to targets for creating those systems, targets which may or may not get you there and small actions you take to hit those targets. Consider learning a language. An action I may do is practicing Spanish on Duolingo everyday. A target may be “get through 1 unit each week” a system may be that I need to practice for 30 minutes after dinner each day. This encompasses a theme of language learning which helps me build a life in which I can converse in Spanish with relative ease. It’s in those in between steps targets and systems that our resolutions fall apart. We think we need to take the life we want and break it down into small bite size chunks. Instead, with a theme we allow the targets and systems to arise more organically from the actions we can reasonably take towards the theme.

Finally, CGP Grey encourages us to consider that a year is a long time but a season is a very nice chunk of time, not so long as to slip away from us but also not so short as to be unreasonable. As we just hit the Winter Solstice, perhaps you would consider Winter of Order to try and become more organized. As nature changes reminding you of passage of time, it can help keep you “on theme”. So over this next week, I encourage you dear reader to consider a theme instead of a resolution.

Christkindlmarkt: A 700 Year Old German Tradition

Published on December 20, 2024December 7, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

Since the 1300’s small pop-up markets have been part of the Christmas season in Europe. These small December markets intended to allow people to stock up on meat and other necessities at the beginning of the winter season. These markets grew overtime to allow toy makers, confectioners and other craftsmen to set up stalls under the name “Saint Nicholas market”. They also began to sell roasted chestnuts, nuts and almonds. This tradition spread throughout the German Speaking world. It was later renamed Christkindlmark during the Reformation and the tradition continues to this day.

Each December stalls are set up to showcase various wares for either a few days or for weeks depending on the event. Along with the wares, food vendors come out to sell traditional foods like currywurst, potato pancakes, gulasch, sauerkraut and of course Gluhwein (a mulled red wine). Those stalwart enough to brave the cold can enjoy pursuing these outdoor markets by the light of twinkling lights.

So popular and beloved are these markets, that there are entire river cruises devoted to taking tourists along the Rhein to visit them during the Christmas season. These visitors bring back tales of the delicious food, sparkling lights and of course carefully crafted wares. After seeing photos of these places, one might begin to think that the magic of the season is best found abroad and start to dream of flying over to the old country. However, dear reader, as you have no doubt already guessed, these coveted markets are not only found across the vast expanse of ocean but rather can be found right here in the United States. Like their European counterparts, there are the larger and more famous Christkindlmarkts, such as the ones found in Grand Rapids Michigan or Bethlehem Pennsylvania. However, just as there are smaller markets in the smaller towns of Germany, there are smaller markets here in the United States.

So it was early in the evening that I set out with my work partner, Nicole, to visit the Reading Liederkranz Christkindlmarkt. We choose that time because the market would just be getting dark and the lights would really pop against the darkness of the sky. The city of Reading is situated along the Blue Mountain Ridge of the Appalachian Mountains and so part of our journey included going up the side of the ridge overlooking the city. As we climbed above the urban center, the city gave way to suburban areas covered with trees, reminding us both of our time in Marburg, Germany. Up, up, up we went, passing houses that vaguely resembled German architecture and it was if we had been transported across the sea. Suddenly on our right the forest gave way to a small piece of Germany, the Reading Liederkranz.

For those not in the know a Liederkranz is a German singing and cultural society which was established to promote and perpetuate German singing, dancing, music, language, foreign exchange and culture. Branches of Liederkranz can be found throughout the United States with many of them established in the mid to late 1800’s. There does not appear to be one overarching society which oversees all the branches, but rather each branch is independent of the others. Like many branches, the Reading Liederkranz hosts various german festivals throughout the year to mirror the ones in Germany. So, just like their German counterparts the Christkindlmarkt of the Reading Liederkranz occurs for a few short days during the Christmas season with stalls set up outside for customers to shop for unique gifts for their loved ones.

In addition to unique gifts, some of them imported from Germany and Austria, they offered traditional German food that can be found at the markets. I naturally had to buy some choosing to partake in the Currywurst, and potato pancakes. I was a little disappointed that the potato pancakes did not come with the traditional applesauce but instead came with sourcream. It is possible that they were simply sold out of the applesauce. I noted there were some items crossed off the menu as no longer available. As it was cold, I could not pass up the opportunity to sip on some warm Gluhwein. Gluhwein is a mulled red wine served at almost every Christkindlmarkt and I highly recommend it as a part of your Christmas tradition.

Not every stand was exclusively German, many of the stands featured local artisans and craftsmen selling their wares. I managed to find a few treasures while I was there for both my loved ones and myself. I picked up a few business cards for later reference. I met Santa Claus giving out Candy Canes and hopefully made it to the nice list (fingers crossed). Nicole found a book that she promised I could borrow from her later and her own gifts.We enjoyed looking at the different wares and meeting the sellers which is not something one can often do these days when looking online or shopping at a big box store.

It was not a huge Christkindlmarkt, certainly not like the larger one in Bethlehem, PA which mirrors more closely those larger markets of Vienna and Munich and is open from Mid November through late December Friday through Sunday. It’s a sprawling market of hundreds of stalls, dozens of food vendors, authentic German artists, ice skating, St. Nicholas, music and more. It’s known as one of the top holiday markets in the world rivaling its European counterparts.

However, as I have said in other places, I’m not a huge fan of crowds and sometimes it’s better to enjoy something on a smaller, more intimate scale. After all, the towns of Germany often have their own smaller celebrations and what could be more authentic than a homegrown festival? So I spent about an hour or so wandering bundled up against the cold, sipping my Gluhwein and enjoying the piece of Germany they’ve carved out on the side of the mountain. I will certainly have to see what other festivals they bring across the ocean for us to enjoy here in the states. It may not have been perfectly authentic after all, I didn’t have to stumble through my half forgotten German to order my food, but to two people who lived in Germany it certainly got our stamp of approval. Just proving once again that one doesn’t need to book a ticket to see the world, sometimes the world comes for a visit in a nearby town.

How can you visit a German Christkindlmarkt?

The first step is to obviously wait for the right time of the year, it is after all a Christmas Market. Most of them take place between Thanksgiving and Christmas with a few occurring earlier in November. The smaller ones often only occur on one weekend with the larger markets spanning the entire season. There are of course the more famous ones such as the one in Bethlehem but there are smaller ones like the one I went to in Reading, PA and the one in Lancaster, PA (which I am told has even better food).

Travel websites are a useful tool to get a start as they will often name the “best” ones. Keep in mind these “best” are subjective and will be prone to more tourists and crowds. If you’re looking for a smaller, more intimate version, then google searching Christkindlmarkt or Weihnachtsmarkt (another name for these markets) may yield some good results. As always, I keep an eye out on my Facebook events page. I haven’t found other social media formats that so easily showcase events in my area.

Completed: December 2024

Cost: $30 for admission and food

Miles from home: 30 miles

Below is a small list of Christkindlmarkts in the United States. It is by no means a complete list but it is a good place to start especially if you’re in these areas. The dates vary each year and there is often a ticket price associated with entry.

Arlington, TX Texas Christkindl Market

Atlanta, GA Atlanta Christkindl Market

Augusta, NJ German Christmas Market of NJ

Baltimore, MD Christmas Village in Baltimore

Belleville, IL Belleville Christkindlmarkt

Bethlehem, PA Christkindlmarkt Bethlehem

Cambria, CA Cambria Christmas Market

Canandaigua, NY Canandaigua Christkindl Market

Carlinville, IL Carlinville Christmas Market

Carmel, IN Carmel Christkindlmarkt

Charlotte, NC Charlotte Christkindlmarkt

Chicago, IL Chicago Christkindlmarkt

Chicago, IL Christkindlmarkt Wrigleyville

Cincinnati, OH Germania Christkindlmarkt

Dayton, OH Dayton Liederkranz Turner Christkindlmarkt

Denver, CO Denver Christkindlmarkt

Des Moines, IA Christkindlmarket Des Moines

Elkhart Lake, WI Old World Christmas Market

Ferdinand, IN Ferdinand Christkindlmarkt

Frankenmuth, MI Frankenmuth Christkindlmarkt

Georgetown, CO Georgetown Christmas Market

Harmony, PA Harmony Museum WeihnachtsMarkt

Helen, GA Helen Christkindlmarkt

Holland, MI Holland Kerstmarkt

Lake Worth, FL The American-German Club of the Palm Beaches Christkindlmarkt Leavenworth, WA Leavenworth Christkindlmarkt

Mifflinburg, PA Mifflinburg Christkindl Market

Minneapolis, MN Holidazzle

Mountain View, CA German Holiday Market

Nevada City, CA Nevada City Victorian Christmas

New Orleans, LA New Orleans Deutsches Haus Christmas Market

New York, NY Bank of America Winter Village at Bryant Park

New York, NY Union Square Holiday Market

New York, NY Columbus Circle Holiday Market

Oconomowoc, WI German Christmas Market of Oconomowoc

Philadelphia, PA Christmas Village in Philadelphia

Pittsburgh, PA Peoples Gas Holiday Market

Poughkeepsie, NY Germania Club of Poughkeepsie Christkindlmarkt

Reading, PA Reading Liederkranz Christkindlmarkt

San Francisco, CA The Great Dickens Christmas Fair & Victorian Holiday Party

Solvang, CA Solvang Julefest

St Paul, MN St Paul European Christmas Market

Tomball, TX Tomball German Christmas Market

Tulsa, OK German American Society of Tulsa Christkindlmarkt

Washington DC DowntownDC Holiday Market

Being Okay With Missing Out

Published on December 17, 2024November 10, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

In the spring of 2024, a wonderful and amazing phenomenon occurred. The Northern Lights were visible throughout much of Northern America, even down as far as Puerto Rico. Not only was it visible, it was visible on a Friday night, meaning that one was free to stay up late and really enjoy the rare visual display so far south. Unless you were where I lived. Where it was cloudy for miles. Unfortunately, I did not have the capacity to go drive for miles just to see them, though the temptation was certainly there.

The level of frustration that I felt the next morning seeing thousands of pictures flooding my feeds and social media was astronomical. It seemed that everyone else had gotten to enjoy my dream, but me. People who had not even cared about ever seeing the Northern Lights got to see them, but not me, a person who has been dreaming about it since she was a young child! It is always cloudy during major astronomical events at my house from the planetary alignment, to the comet to this! It was unfair! It wasn’t right! Stupid weather! Stupid sky! Stupid sun! Grrrrrrrr!!!

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and reminded myself of all the times the universe had responded to my hopes with a no and how often those “no’s” had led to bigger and better things later. I would trust in the process of life. Had I not just experienced a total solar eclipse in Vermont after missing one almost seven years prior? If I had not missed out on the one, would I have gone to Vermont or New England? Perhaps, not. Did the “no” not open up something wonderful, even if seven years in the making?

I could continue to dwell on it, cursing the decision I made to not drive in the middle of the night to go see them. But then would I have even enjoyed them, being tired and stressed out from rushing to see them? Would I have cut my experience short, because of the obligations I needed to meet the next day? Then having “crossed it off the list” no longer consider trying to go and see them to really enjoy them? A bucket list dream come true or a check in the box? There is a reason I opted not to jump in my car and rush to go see them. There is a reason, I choose to wait for the right time, because trying to force an experience often robs us of fully enjoying it. And truth be told, there have been several more instances since May of the Northern lights gracing the skies, only for it to be cloudy. Every. Single. Time. At this point, it’s just comedic, and I just laugh at the universe remembering that now is not the time to force things.

When we try to force things, it’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, it just doesn’t work. There’s all these gaps around the peg where something is missing and it’s a tenuous hold at best. We rush through the experience, we don’t savor or enjoy it. The anxiety and stress of trying to just “make it work” is what we remember rather than the end journey. In our faulty human ways, we may end up sabotaging ourselves and robbing the future us of something much better. We miss the blessing that was being given to us in that moment, rejecting both the current one and the future one.

It can be difficult to accept missing out, especially when it is something you really wanted. It can be even more so when it seems that everyone else got it. The question becomes when is it my turn? When is it my time? Why can’t I have it right now? Don’t I deserve to have it? The answer may be not yet, it may even be not ever. That last one can be a difficult truth to swallow. Sometimes the “no” is unchanging and we will never get what we’ve asked for. We cannot know the reason for this, but focusing on the no, blinds us to all the times we hear yes. It robs us of the joy of what we have and the gratitude for all the blessings that are still coming. The not ever may be because we were meant for a bigger blessing than the one we were asking for, but if we constantly reject the blessing because we are so focused on the thing we wanted, then we may get neither.

No one likes missing out, and it is a perfectly human response to be frustrated and sad. However, we should not swim in these feelings, building up anger and resentment. Imagine if I had spent my time shaking my fist at heaven for a missed “blessing” when I had only a few weeks prior experienced an awe inspiring total eclipse? How quickly we forget the things we have, when we sit in a moment of lack. How fleeting those moments become when we let them slip through our fingers when the next obstacle comes into our path? If instead we focus on the blessings we have received, we bring those blessings forward with us into the moment. We instill hope for the future and begin to look forward to what surprises the universe may have in store for us. We find ourselves enriched rather than lacking.

The moment of frustration passed, leaving me sipping my coffee and reminiscing about my recent trip to New England. I relived the awe of seeing the sun slip behind the moon, the way the day turned to twilight, the sudden drop in temperature as the darkness took hold. The northern lights will come again and I will see them when the moment is right. Until then, I will continue to cultivate a bucket list life in all the moments between and continually recall the blessings I have received. I certainly don’t need to wait for the lights to check the other things off my list. After all, if I am become too laser focused on the lights, I may miss other opportunities for bigger and better things. Whatever blessings that are in store for me, I want to be there with arms open to receive them.

Koizer’s Christmas Village: Let There Be Light!

Published on December 13, 2024December 7, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

It seems almost impossible to think about Christmas without thinking about lights. In Western culture almost no other holiday is so linked with light, which is appropriate considering it is celebrated at the darkest time of the year (for those of us in the Northern hemisphere). There’s just something so mesmerizing about small points of light holding back the dark. They always bring a smile to my face. I especially enjoy seeing larger displays where people can showcase their creativity and transform an ordinary place into something extraordinary, and Koizar’s Christmas village is exactly that sort of place!

Since 1948, the Spring Lake Dairy Farm has been delighting people. Originally, a display created for the enjoyment of his wife Grace and their four children, it quickly expanded front he original house and barn. People soon began to flock every year to see the display at the locally named “Christmas House.” Eventually, Koziar began to admit visitors while still operating the dairy farm. Overtime, the dairy farm and even the house were abandoned to the ever expanding light displays. For over 75 years, the farm has been literally lighting up the night as the lights can be seen from miles around. It has even been named Best Outdoor Christmas Display in the World by Display World magazine (according to Wikipedia anyways).

It takes approximately 90 minutes to walk through the many displays which run the gambit of themes from beloved classic tales like the Nutcracker to Bible scenes from displays showing Christmas traditions around the world to prehistoric dinosaurs. There were plenty of places for photo ops, tucked in various places and with such frequency most of them were without long lines. There are panoramas, a kissing bridge, gift shops and snack shops. One can warm up with a hot beverage like apple cider or hot chocolate while munching on popcorn or chocolate chip cookies. There is one place which serves more substantial food such as pizza and burgers. It is almost entirely outside, so dressing warmly was a must for this particular outing.

How does one capture in writing what 8 acres of over a million lights looks like in simple words? Even the pictures I share here, dear reader, are only the smallest snippets of the sheer magnitude of that many lights. Each area held a new delight and theme, some had seamless and natural transitions, others were abrupt and almost disjointed side by side.

What most delighted me was how simple and even outdated everything was. There were wooden decorations clearly from the 60’s and 70’s. There were handmade items which had been lovingly repainted over the years. It was in stark contrast to so many of the other light displays that one could go see, because it felt organic and human. It was clearly a labor of love untaken over decades. There were many store bought displays but they were interspersed with homemade characters and storyboards. It was simultaneously a display of Christmas lights and a museum of decorations over the decades. One of my favorites was the Wild West section with the christmas buffalo. There’s even a whole section featuring a model train. Despite being a professionally run tourist attraction, it still felt like a display cobbled together by your overly enthusiastic neighbors, perfectly capturing the nostalgia of seeing Christmas lights.

My sister and I ambled through the lights, taking time to soak in the array of themes. We stopped to study the displays, finding small touches which brought us smiles of delight, like the angel fawn near a nativity or the zoo train with the tigers. We stopped to enjoy hot apple cider and churros. I also bought a pair of gloves having realized I accidently left mine at home. There were only a few places where we could slip into to escape the biting cold of the evening, but we were lucky that it wasn’t too cold. Eventually we ended up passing through a large garage which proudly displayed the history of the village before going into the final gift shop. We left fully satisfied and well in the Christmas spirit.

How can you see amazing displays of Christmas Lights?

Luckily, this is something that you can see almost anywhere during the Christmas season and there is almost always a place nearby with overly enthusiastic neighbors. Some may be drive through places, others may be like Koziar Christmas Village where you can walk. It depends on whether you wish a slow meandering stroll in the cold where you can stop and really take in each display or if you wish to remain warm in your car. There may be ones that are put on by professionals such as Candy Lane at Hershey Park or family affairs with all their quirks like Kozier’s Christmas Village. You can also find a local neighborhood and walk around to see everyone’s displays. In the last few years, my home town has been holding a contest which has helped to revitalize people’s interests in putting up lights. You could even start a contest in your hometown if you’re feeling particularly entrepreneurial.

Completed: December 2023

Cost: $13 per person (It would have been an extra five dollars to attend on a weekend or the week of christmas)

Miles from home: 26 miles

Accepting the Suck: Emotional Honesty

Published on December 10, 2024November 10, 2024 by BudgetBlissLeave a comment

I spend quite a bit of my time here writing about having a positive outlook. I talk about looking at challenges as opportunities, to focus on the blessings you have and going with the flow. These are all good things to do.

However, there are times when life sucks. Sure you may have lost your job and the magical opportunity for a new one may be just around the corner, but in the meantime you still have to pay the electric bill and put food on your table. That’s stressful and it stinks. Sometimes you get terrible news about your health. I suppose good things can come of having cancer but let us not pretend it will be a picnic or that in general life is much better having not had cancer. I have yet to meet a single person with a chronic illness who says the “perks” are worth the price. I know I have written about how lost relationships can be opportunities for new ones to come into our lives, but a loss through death isn’t something that should be reframed in that light.

It would be emotional dishonesty to not allow yourself the time to really process the negative emotions. Skipping over the “suck” right to the positive rainbows and unicorns of positive thinking renders positive thinking into exactly that, useless positive thoughts. Repressing our emotions is not healthy. If we are hurt, sad or angry, we need to let ourselves fully feel them first before we can move forward. Like a small child our emotions deserve more than a cold “buck up”. They deserve a warm hug and an understanding ear. They deserve acknowledgement and compassion.

How do we feel when we try to express ourselves to a loved one only to have them rush us through because they cannot sit in our discomfort? Do we feel seen or even valued? Why do we do this to ourselves?

I try to approach myself in the way I might a dear friend when trying to offer genuine comfort. The key is to be curious about what’s really going on rather than offering trite “it will be okay” or “well at least….” I may ask myself why I am so worried. I may ask some challenging questions to stop turning my worries into a catastrophe or even ask okay well if the worst does happen then what? I may ask myself what beliefs about myself I’m currently cultivating or if the situation is a threat to my sense of identity. These are all hard questions that can be difficult to face, but face them I must if I am to truly get down in the muck and embrace the suck. I often find that journaling out the emotions to examine them is the most helpful exercise. I can look at the entries for themes and underlying negative beliefs that ought to be challenged. I can see when I’ve blown something out of proportion.

Often by working through the emotions and acknowledging the truth of the situation as one that is objectively awful to go through, I can start to shift into a genuinely positive state. I can find ways to look at the situation as a place of opportunity. I may look at the situation as a time for me to grow closer to God and renew my faith. I can feel true gratitude for being in such a place at this time. I can say that while not a great experience, it is a necessary one for my own personal growth. This is not always the case, after having a terminal cancer diagnosis isn’t going to suddenly become a good thing with a few journal entries and some light cognitive behavioral therapy. Potentially losing your home and becoming homeless may later on be a great thing because it helped you get your life on a better track and even led to you being eligible for a program that got you permanently out of poverty, but the process is not fun by any stretch of the imagination. It is often extremely traumatizing and trauma isn’t something to be covered up with fairy stickers and glitter.

However, only by working through negative emotions, even trauma, can we begin to move beyond them to the place where we want to be. As long as we ignore them and suppress them, they will continue to rule our lives popping up in the form of anxieties, doubts, negative self-talk, poor self-esteem, depression, sleep disorders and other psycho-somatic and psychological symptoms. We’re not just trying to cross off things on our bucket lists, we’re striving to live life to the fullest and be the best possible versions of ourselves. After all, if we don’t deal with the things that are bothering us, then we may fall into the trap of hedonism and escapism, not fully experiencing life because we’re too numb to feel.

So embrace, the suck, feel it deeply and fully, cry, scream, yell, punch your pillow, throw something at the wall and watch it shatter! Seriously, go to Goodwill buy some $2 cups and go nuts! Just don’t damage your walls, ensure pets and small children are clear from the area, warn your partner/roommates. Or smash it to bits with a hammer! Put it in a plastic bag wrap it in an old towel and enjoy! Do whatever you need to do to get your emotions out and feel some catharsis. It’s only when we’re emotionally honest and recognize our negative feelings, that we can really begin to process them.