The title is a slight exaggeration, but I think the comparison is apt. After all, in three of the world’s major monotheistic religions, paradise is a garden.
So, what exactly is a botanical garden? Aside from being a beautiful place to wander around in quiet contemplation, botanical gardens are gardens with a documented collection of plants for the purposes of scientific research, education, conservation and display. They feature the botanical names of the plants. Hence the name botanical garden – not necessarily the cleverest of names, but it certainly gets the job done.
Some of my earliest memories consist of gardening. Lacking cable, one of my favorite pastimes was actually watching “The Digging Show” or my parents gardening. I loved spending time among the plants and the flowers learning their names, cataloging their color, inhaling their scents and at times nibbling upon them. I quite enjoyed the various herbs and was quite familiar with which ones were safe for me to consume and which ones were best avoided. I spent many hours going to various nurseries. As my parents shopped, they became my playgrounds. Not that I disturbed the merchandise (I had been taught to look not to touch), but I still explored, searching out new plants and finding the statutory and other garden decor scattered about. Our garden was huge and well known in the neighborhood as one of the best. We even had a photographer request to come and take photographs of our garden.
It should come as no surprise then, that I love going to botanical gardens to stroll among the flowers and greenery. Each one is so different which only serves to highlight the vast biodiversity of our planet where no two gardens are alike. Some focus on specific areas while others span ecosystems throughout the planet. No matter what I always find a bit of wonder in them as I am taken in by the majestic blooms and vibrant hues of the leaves. I’ve seen giant lilly pads and a huge array of orchids. I have been overpowered by the sweet scent of roses and delighted by the scent of apple blossoms.
The architecture of these gardens are often a highlight as well featuring delicate archways and imposing pillars. Many of the gardens have various fountains and waterways snaking through them. They may even have plunging waterfalls. Longwood Gardens in particular is known for its spectacular water show which is predominately displayed in the center of the gardens. However, it is also home to more humble buildings, small wooden cottages or small towers tucked away in forested areas. To traverse the gardens is to move from landscape to landscape each with its own unique take on what makes a garden. There are times when the juxtaposition of the two can almost seem jarring as one moves from one area to the next as if the doorways themselves are portals to between worlds.
Each world is a delight to the senses and one hardly notices the passage of time or the encroaching heat of a warm day or the way the chill of a winter begins to seep its way into your bones on those cooler days. In all seasons, the gardens offer something new as they are always changing with the pattern of the year. It means there is never a bad time to visit and one can visit quite often as there is always a shift. What was in bloom only a few weeks ago may have faded and a new plant has come to take its turn in the spotlight. The gardens can be enjoyed both in quiet solitude or with a group of friends.
I find that day among the plants and flowers is as refreshing as a day at the spa. A connection to nature is an important part of mental health. Time outdoors helps to reduce stress and anxiety. Fresh air is also correlated with increased physical health. Exposure to nature is associated with better cognitive function. Certainly spending time in such oxygen rich environments is good for your lungs when we spend so much of our time inside. So yes, it can certainly feel like one has discovered a small slice of paradise when visiting as the stress of the outside world begins to melt away. I certainly envision heaven as a botanical garden, populated with cats of course, with ready access to a vast library of books and tea.
How can you visit your own slice of paradise?
Luckily, botanical gardens are found throughout the country and indeed the world, so finding one should be relatively simple. I recommend wearing comfortable walking shoes and to pick a day when the weather is particularly good. You will most likely want to bring some water as they are often deceptive in size – they are always bigger than you anticipate. Armed with proper hydration and shoes, you will ensure that your beautiful garden experience doesn’t become hellish.
Completed: First completed in childhood in a visit to Longwood Gardens
Cost: $32 per person (can vary depending on time of year)
Miles from home: 45 miles from home
I have also visited other gardens throughout the country as I am always up for visiting a garden.
When I was a little girl, I loved watching people dance. I was absolutely obsessed, spending hours watching the Nutcracker Ballet and Riverdance on VHS. I wanted so badly to take dance lessons, but sadly, growing up in a lower middle class household we lacked the funds for dance. This meant I would have to content myself with mimicking what I saw on the screen in my living room with little success both from lack of coaching and space. Jumping around in my room, causing a ruckus wouldn’t have been appreciated.
As I entered my teen years, it was something that I began to mentally put away. Dance was something that kids and teens did and after highschool, if you didn’t “make it” by having the skill and talent to progress beyond, it was “too late”. I enjoyed color guard for three of my six years in marching band, but that was as close as I came to it. I still sighed somewhat wistfully whenever I got a chance to watch professional dancers especially ballet or Irish Step dance, but I accepted they were things that I wouldn’t be doing.
However, that was not to be the final chapter on my foray into dance. Because, in the fall of my freshman year at college, I discovered there was in fact a dance ministry on campus. The ministry was student run by young women who had been doing dance since they were young and were willing to pass on their knowledge and skills to anyone who wanted to join up. They did group us by skill level so the more advanced dancers could still be challenged and grow, but they were incredibly welcoming to those of us who had never danced before.
We were given the option to try out different dances and then commit for the semester (or full year). I ended up picking Irish Step Dancing and flags. We paid a small membership due of about $10 each semester. So for $20 bucks, I was able to have a year’s worth of dance classes. Not only that, but also they had a huge collection of costumes meaning that I had very little to buy for the concerts. They directed us to a discount retailer for things like our shoes and I was able to snag my Irish Step Dancing shoes for $10. I believe the total cost for the year was about $50 between the dues, the shoes and one or two items for the costumes.
I will say my first day of class, I felt a bit like a five year old again. I was so excited to finally learn at least something of a dance I’ve loved so much for so long. My teacher was absolutely amazing and the sweetest person. She was a junior year nursing student who brought her calm, compassionate bedside manner into the classroom. She never scolded or lectured us when we messed up, but instead offered gentle correction and critique. We never sought perfection, only to do better each time.
There are references to Irish step dancing as far back as the 16th century. In a letter to Queen Elizabeth, Sir Henry Sydney references his love for Irish jigs. At first, the music was primarily bagpipes with the hornpipe entering in the 1760’s giving the music its distinctive rhythms. There is some arguments as to when the fiddle was introduced with some people placing it in the 1700’s, but there are references in writing to fiddles in the mid to late 1600’s.
The modern day form is recognizable for its rigid torso and dancing primarily on the balls of ones feet – like in Riverdance. However, that wasn’t always the case and it is as the name suggests a more modern form of the dance. There are also two distinctive types known as hard shoe and soft shoe. Hard shoe is basically like the tap dance of Irish Step. The hard shoe clacks on the floor making a noise and so the dancer becomes a moving percussion instrument. I danced soft shoe as hard shoe was for the more advanced students. I, sadly, did not get to dance hard shoe. Long story short, I needed to have two years of experience to be able to go into the more advanced class, I went abroad my junior year to study German and in my senior year, there was no one to teach Irish Step as the dances offered depended on having dancers with enough experience to teach it.
What I found interesting about learning Irish step was that I expected the steps to have fancy Irish sounding names like how ballet has french words for their many movements. We did not have those at all, we had a seemingly limited vocabulary mostly consisting of lifts, beats, cuts, steps, and overs. She would tell us “now we’re going to do the step, step, back” or “Lift, step, step” to help us figure out what set of movements we were about to do. We’d put them together to the beat do them with one foot, then reverse it and do it on the other foot. The pieces of the whole movement would last a few bars of the music. We’d take turns circling our partners and join up as a larger circle going in and out. I cannot say that we were ready to take on the world stage by any stretch of the imagination. Our lifts were certainly not as high as they could be, legs lower, foot movements were decidedly sloppy at times, but we had fun learning.
Each week I looked forward to going to it even if I was left exhausted by the end of class. Although, it did make going to flags right afterward difficult. My legs would feel like jelly by the time we were finished and instead of being able to go back to my nearby dorm room, I had to trek across campus, often in the cold darkness to the racquetball courts where we held flag practice. By the time I finished flags both my legs and my arms were exhausted. In between class, I practiced my steps in my dorm room and tried to increase my flexibility. I like to think it paid off in our performances.
Every year, we put on two concerts. One was the Christmas concert in the small chapel on campus. That one was free for anyone to attend. The other was the larger one in the gymnasium which was put on each spring, to the delight of the entire school. The second one had a small fee to attend to help us raise money to continue to buy costumes. The college let us have access to the sound system and set up a stage for us. During the concerts, each class picked a bible verse to share which went along with the song that we picked.
My favorite song and verse combination came from my freshman year. Our song was the Salt Lick by Gaelic Storm and our verse was Mathew 5:30 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.” It was a verse to remind us to be as salt, preserving, enhancing and flavoring the world with God’s love and light.
I was incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to dance in college and to live out a childhood dream of learning a skill I thought was closed off to me. I think many of us wish we had certain opportunities to learn things when we were younger, but we think that there won’t be people to teach us. Perhaps, like me, you may think that unless you’re super talented there isn’t aren’t opportunities for you as an adult to learn. It may seem that the time to try and get into an interest has passed, but there are actually opportunities all around you if you keep your eyes and ears open. I can say that there are places which offer adult dance lessons even if they are harder to find. I also see that there are places for adult beginners to learn martial arts, sports, music, art and more.
One of the people I do a podcast with, started his martial arts journey in his late 40’s. While he may not be as flexible or learn as quickly as some of the younger guys, he is doing it and loving it. He wasn’t afraid to be embarrassed by his lack of skill and embraced learning something new. Nor is the goal or focus to be a world champion or professional, it’s something that can be done just for fun.
So often the activities we do in childhood semi-translate to work at this thing really hard so you can get a scholarship or go be a professional. The messages we receive as children is that these activities are not for themselves, they’re for doing something with them. They have to be tied to these larger goals. There’s also this obsession with accomplishing things as a young person and this false narrative that if you don’t master it by the time you’re 20, you’re never going to, so don’t even bother. So as adult learners we have to say to the first, actually, I can do this just for fun. To the second, we can say my life has not already been completely written and I can still accomplish a lot, so if I want to master this thing, I still can. It really depends on your own individual goals for whatever it is you want to do.
So how can you step up as it were?
As I said earlier, it’s a matter of keeping your eyes and ears open. In my area, there are several places which offer adult classes for dance. One place is another dance ministry which helps keep the cost down. It is even offering a martial arts class which I am hopeful to join next year! Occasionally, you can find places offering introductory workshops for dance which gives you a taste of what a class would be like. It’s really a matter of actively seeking out those opportunities.
Now, I have seen some online dance apps and courses. I’m not sure how effective they are because you may not have the feedback that you’d get from a live person to help correct your form and to explain a move more fully if you don’t understand the first explanation. Also you won’t be in an actual dance studio. I personally found the mirrors in the dance studio to be really helpful because I could visually see exactly what my body looked like. So I knew that my leg wasn’t perfectly straight or the lift was sloppy. I could see if my arms weren’t held up evenly with one side dropping down. I think they’d be really good for absolute beginners and for people who just want to try it for fun. There is of course no substitution for personalized instruction that live classes bring, but I do think the apps provide access to tools and information that are difficult to otherwise obtain.
Completed: Fall 2006 through Fall 2008
Cost: $100 for 3 semesters
Miles from home: 0 from college dorm / 39 from home
At the end of most of my posts, I will write a little “How You Can” section so that if something I have done peaks your interest, you have a starting point. However, one may very well wonder how I’ve gathered this information in the first place. After all, how did I discover the Wolf Sanctuary or the Firebird Festival or the Wine and Cheese Tasting on the Train? How have I cultivated opportunities for myself to check off my list or to add new things?
Simply put, I have a few go-to places for inspiration that I regularly check and encourage you, dear reader, to do the same. The first is Onlyinyourstate or atlas obscura to discover unique things that are in my area. Now, Onlyinyourstate isn’t exactly the most accurate name, after all there are many states that share common experiences, it would be more aptly named “collection of cool things to see and do in your state” – that is understandably less catchy, but some of us are sticklers for accuracy. The website is semi-easy to navigate. You click on your state and it brings up a long list of various posts of interesting sights to see and things to do. What makes it difficult is many posts are repetitive, and some of the listed items have closed or are no longer available to the public.
Since at this point, they’ve pretty much covered most of the things to do, newer posts just tend to rehash what has already been written about but as new things do get added occasionally, one still has to sift through to find the gems. Atlasobscura is similar in both scope and difficulty of use. There are other websites that are similar, such as PAbucklist.com, but I have yet to find one that organizes itself really well. I review these sites maybe once every 6-12 months. Despite their difficulty in use, I still recommend visiting at least once, especially if you are at the start of your Bucket List journey. They not only can help you discover how to check off your list, but also can open your eyes to new and novel possibilities you’ve never even thought of before.
One of my biggest go-to’s is Facebook Events which I will typically review once to twice a month as it is being continually updated. It’s where I’ve discovered most of my events, festivals and workshops.On almost any given week, I could log on and find something that would interest me for the upcoming weekend and many of the events are relatively cheap or free. It’s become one of the main things I use Facebook for. That’s how I found out about the Christkindlmarkt and Eco-dying. I pay attention to my local newspaper as well checking out announcements from my community which the Facebook algorithm may have missed.
I also keep a running list of the museums, colleges, universities and theaters in the area making sure to check at the beginning of each season. Depending on the venue, most of the time this means the beginning of the year in January or in July. That’s how I discovered the Da Vinci Exhibit at the Reading Museum and the performance of Drum Tao at Millersville University. Even smaller universities and colleges can have amazing events and opportunities. In 2016, my small Christian College hosted a presidential debate for the DNC primaries between Obama and Clinton. I have often been surprised at what a small venue can pull off and because of their smaller size many of their events are more intimate affairs. So don’t write off your own smaller venues just yet, dear reader.
Consider other attractions in your area: aquariums, zoos, community centers and even parks may play host to your dreams. Longs Park in Lancaster City has a summer music series that has brought some serious talent to its small stage for free, opening the opportunity for many to enjoy live concerts and other performances. It was the stage that introduced me to Shakespeare as a child. You will be surprised at the wide variety of opportunities these places offer and often for free or greatly reduced cost.
There is also a simple google search. I will do this for things that may take a little creativity or require me to go a little farther afield than my typical roaming grounds. For example, I read about grape stomping in Italy. It seemed like it would be a fun thing to try. I hadn’t seen it on any previous intel missions to my usual corners of the internet, so I did what any good millennial would do, I went to google to start to see if there were any wineries nearby that would indulge in this ancient tradition. As it turns out there is one in the neighboring state of New Jersey.
Once I discover a place in a reasonable vicinity (typically no more than 2 hours away unless I really want to make a day of it), I will make a note on my list for future reference. I won’t necessarily rush to go do it just that moment, but I will keep the information tucked away until I have need of it or for when the time is right. Perhaps, if I find myself making plans and I will be in the area anyways then I will tack on my item to the trip. I may also make specific plans to complete the item but cross reference my list to see if there are any other items that may be nearby. I am after all all about being efficient with my time and resources.
The final way is that my friends and family know that I am always on the hunt for new and novel things to try, so word of mouth goes a long way. When they see something cool that they know I might like to try, they tell me or even better invite me to join them!
As you can see, dear reader, I am not someone who sits around waiting for good things to come to her. Sometimes the fates need a little nudge. It’s about keeping your eyes and ears open, seeking opportunities and being mindful of what might be around the corner. It doesn’t mean that I can necessarily jump at every opportunity that comes my way or thing that I discover, I have (as of this writing) yet to go indoor skydiving, learn to pole dance, spend time at the alpaca farm, learn a signature dish from a cook or go grape stomping. However, I have pretty good leads on where I might do those things. Which is half the fun! I always have a list of potential adventures I could go on. There’s almost always something new around the corner waiting for me to discover and with only one glaring exception are all within a hour’s drive from my house (most are within 30 minutes). Who needs to dream of escaping your corner of the world to far flung places when it’s so full of excitement?
Book lovers know the allure of bookstores and libraries. There’s something about walking into these sanctuaries of knowledge and stories. The distinct smell of the books, the quiet atmosphere that is seldom found in other public spaces, the aesthetic symmetry of rows and rows of carefully shelved worlds. The promise that an entire universe may be unlocked with just the turn of a page. The stories almost seem to whisper an invitation and your fingers start to itch with an eagerness to begin the search. So many dance partners want to fill your card and it is almost dizzying.
There is even something extra special about a bookstore that offers a little more. Beautiful bookstores, charming bookstores, the ones with cats and tea, the ones with stacks upon stacks of books. Ones that even use books as structures like the book tunnel in L.A.’s famous Last Bookstore. Baldwin’s bookstore is just the sort of bookstore for booklovers. Named one of the most beautiful Bookstores in America, this hidden treasure of Chester County can be easily overlooked if one is not careful.
Seriously, you can drive right by it and not even notice that you’ve passed it as outside it is an unassuming stone barn. One would never guess that it houses 5 stories of books and has a sizeable collection of rare and antique books. As it is primarily a used bookstore, it is always a treasure hunt and one never knows what one will find tucked away on the shelves. It is so large and extensive that it has a map for visitors at the front and even with the map, one can find oneself semi-lost among the stacks of books.
A quirk of the bookstore is that many of the shelves are not shelves at all, but rather nailed together crates. This charming store invites you to venture up stairs to ever higher levels. Tucked around every corner are chairs, some more enticing than others, for you to sit and read to your heart’s content. It would be easy to spend hours if not days inside the store.
My sister and I ventured forth on a cold’s winter’s day after grabbing breakfast together at a coffee shop near my house. We had saved this particular outing for the colder months as we are not overly fond of extreme hot or cold weather. It is always good to have a few indoor activities in your back pocket for those times when it is simply too miserable to spend much time outdoors.
Upon entering the store, we were greeted by a delightful display of older and rare books. We breathed in deep, savoring the familiar smell of books. The older gentleman behind the front desk said good morning and inquired as to whether it was our first time to the store. He showed up the map and politely explained the general layout of the store and encouraged us to peak in the backroom which housed a few artifacts from when this barn was also a home. After the short orientation, we began our exploration of the store.
We carefully meandered through the rows of books of over 300,000 books, stopping to peruse for overlooked gems. One of the gems was the map of Philadelphia from over 100 years ago displayed on a table (not for sale). Both my sister and I adore old maps, so it was an unexpected treat to be able to sit and study it before continuing our book adventure.
One thing of note for the taller readers, there are numerous signs to “duck” when going up and down the stairs, so be wary when transitioning between floors. Despite being in a barn, most of the areas were quite comfortable with only one or two places lacking in proper insulation for the temperature to be comfortable. We did stop to take a few pictures of ourselves in the books.
It was easy to see why it was named one of the loveliest bookstores both inside and out. The original stone building was built in 1822 and the rustic shelving and floors only add to its charm. Sadly, I did not spy any of the rumored cats said to be residing in the barn. It is possible they were sleeping in a corner somewhere or perhaps they were no longer in residence.
My sister and I found a few treasures and made our way down the steps to the front of the building for our purchases. Satisfied with our treasure hunt, we went home to enjoy our books. I am certain that I will make the journey again for another visit. After all, with an ever changing inventory there is certain to be other diamonds in the rough to find in the future.
How can you visit a beautiful bookstore?
Bookstores abound and business is booming. Something good that came out of the pandemic was the increased demand for real things, real recommendations from real people. We’re wired for community and connection, something that a digital reality can’t really replicate (though they do try). Not only are books a form of entertainment, but also people are forming communities around books. Bookstores are also one of the few places that seemed to sell a variety of board and card games aimed at adults. Bookstores have become hubs of community and connection.
Going to Indie and used bookstores like Baldwin’s is often a treat not only for finding books but also for the atmosphere they provide. I encourage you to seek out the hole in the wall places. They don’t necessarily have to make a list of “most beautiful” because with all the hundreds of bookstores, how could a writer of a popular magazine or blog really know if they missed yours? And besides beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Before I begin, I feel it is important to stress that choosing to be a pet parent should be a highly intentional decision taken with the understanding of the full responsibilities associated with the decision. This is a living, breathing creature with its own physical and emotional needs that as their owner, you have an obligation to meet. Are you in a position to meet their needs? When you adopt or purchase a pet, your home is their forever home, not you until you finish college home, get married home or have a child home. This is often a 15 to 20 year commitment. They may have unexpected medical bills or complications. They may require a special diet or food. They may break your favorite vase. They may ruin your carpet because of a urinary tract infection. Your clothes will constantly be covered in fur. At least one piece of furniture will be destroyed. There are many, many drawbacks to having a pet that should be considered before you get one.
Most bucket list items are fleeting, ephemeral experiences. That week in the mountains, that afternoon swimming with dolphins, those hours watching the northern lights are all there for such a short time before they are memories. They punctuate our lives as peaks among the hills and dales of life. Having a pet, however, is an ongoing joy. There’s nothing quite like developing a loving relationship with another creature across the species. The human-animal bond can be a deeply rewarding experience. Research suggests that the loss of a beloved pet is equal to the loss of a spouse, meaning that your relationship with your pet can be as meaningful as a relationship with your spouse.
I have always had pets. Growing up, we mostly had cats. Taking care of another creature’s needs helped me to have a sense of purpose. Cats taught me responsibility, compassion, empathy, selflessness and unconditional love. Some may be surprised by the last one given cat’s reputation as aloof, solitary creatures rather than the friendly and social animals I adore. However, I will assert that cats do express love, quite a lot of it actually.The problem that most people have with cats is that they expect them to act like dogs and to express their feelings in much the same manner. One must remember that a dog’s nervous system is almost identical to our own and that they have a specific region in their brains devoted to humans. A cat does not. A cat sees us as big clumsy cats who can’t hunt but know where the good snacks are anyways.
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Still a cat does have many ways of showing affection and love. They give slow blinks, sit near you, snuggle up next to you, bring you gifts, give little love nibbles, groom you, give head bumps and of course, rub against you purring. I could wax poetic about their little toe beans or button noses.They are often the first thing I see in the morning and my last thought at night when they hop up to join me. I know their personalities, what they like and dislike, their favorite toys, their preferred spots for napping, even what temperature they like the rooms to be. They seek me out for comfort and safety. They know my routines. They check on me when I’m sick or sad. They’ve protected me when they sense I’m threatened. I play with them and cuddle them. I’ve developed an understanding of their body language and the noises they make from demanding meows to curious trills. They are my wonderful companions.
I’ve developed a bond with them that transcends the two species which has been incredibly rewarding. Earning a cat’s trust is a precious thing. Many cats when frightened will seek out a hiding place like under the bed, mine seek me out. While many cats will show their bellies to those they trust, mine let me pet their bellies. They let me manipulate them in ways other cats won’t tolerate from most humans, all because they trust me. They know I love them and won’t harm them.
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Unlike many human relationships, the loyalty that I have given them is rewarded with reciprocal loyalty. A pet does not abandon you when life gets tough, often they sense you’re upset and seek you out to give comfort. They don’t ask what’s wrong; they don’t rush you through your emotions; they don’t judge you for what happened, they’re simply there giving what little they are able to help. Having a pet decreases stress, anxiety and depression. But it is a bit difficult to stay sad when a cat is rubbing its face against your cheek, purring just giving pure love and affection to you.
When I was 25, I heard the soft cry of a kitten hidden among the taller plants of my garden. A mother cat had been seen moving her kittens earlier in the day, but this one with his face crusted with mucus had been left behind. He was crying for help that was never going to come, at least not from his mother. Despite my best efforts, I was unable to get him and so I enlisted the assistance of my neighbor in getting him. I took him inside my room with every intention of taking him to the animal rescue the next day after all I still lived with my parents, and was told in no uncertain terms adopting a cat was out of the question. Still I insisted on having assistance to drive him down to be surrendered and hopefully be given some medical care. I lacked a cat carrier and was not going to drive down to the city with a stray kitten climbing all over my car and being a hazard. We made it not 3 minutes down the road before he stuck his little head out of the box with a pathetic little mew when I heard “turn the car around.” I called to make an appointment at the vet and three hundred dollars later (free kitten from the yard was not free) was nursing him back to health with zero promises from the vet that he would survive – spoiler alert, he’s now 12 years old!
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I still remember on the second or third morning that I had him, I woke up and he came trotting out from a hiding place, mewing, desperate to get up to me, he leapt to cling to the blanket, not able to quite get up to the bed. I plucked him up in one hand and brought him close to me telling him not to worry that I would be his mama. That was the moment I truly bonded with him as my baby kitten and I still adore him.
I could probably write for hours about how much I have enjoyed having cats. I could share endless stories of their playful antics and sweet moments of affection. I also love cultivating the relationship between them, especially my bonded pair, a set of adopted brothers. Not every moment has been amazing. Have I been scratched? Absolutely. Have they broken things? Of course. Would I trade them for anything? Absolutely not. They’re my boys.
I do not consider myself a pet owner. I consider myself their faithful guardian. They’re precious treasures under my protection. I feel daily gratitude for their companionship and love. As someone who desires to live life to the fullest right where she is, having this rich relationship with my pets helps make life worth living. Have I spent nearly $10,000 on Luke with his unexpected surgeries? Yes. Would I trade him for a trip to Bali? Nope. I would still bring that baby kitten that I found out in the yard inside the house. I would still nurse him back to health. His life is worth far more than any trip around the world. He has enriched my life more than any trip or short term experience.
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How can you get a cat (or other pet)?
As stated at the start, please consider carefully and fully whether you can meet the emotional and physical needs of a pet before bringing one home. Consider carefully whether the pet you are considering fits your lifestyle needs, not all pets are created equal, especially dog breeds. If you get a border collie, you will probably need to spend much of your evening playing and training with your dog as they require a lot of physical and mental training to be happy. Do careful research about what a given animal requires before jumping into pet ownership.
Once you’ve done your research, considered your ability to meet the needs of your chosen pet, I strongly encourage you to go to an animal shelter and adopt. Be willing to have hard conversations with the shelter staff if you’re unsure about a given mix or breed presented. Talk with them about the temperament of the specific one you’re looking to adopt. This is an important decision, after all you may be with this animal for the next 10 to 20 years depending on the age at time of adoption, breed and health. The staff will probably appreciate that you’re taking this decision with the seriousness that it truly requires. Once you make your decision, fill out the paperwork, pay the adoption fee and take your new companion home. It may take a few days to really bond with them or perhaps, you fall in love before you have even signed the paperwork.
Again, pets are not for everyone, but they are for me. They are so important to me, that they top my list of bucket list experiences to have.
Completed: Childhood, 2012 as an adult
Miles from home: 0
Cost: Free? (found an abandoned kitten in my yard)
Full disclosure, my “free” kitten from the yard has been a rather expensive cat. In addition to his initial $300 vet bill, Luke has had to have multiple surgeries in his life totaling close to $10,000 in addition to regular check-ups and vaccinations. An adoption from a local shelter would have $60 and all his vet care such as the antibiotics, vaccinations and neutering would have already been covered. I wouldn’t trade him for anything and would still choose to save him even knowing the amount of money I would need to spend on him over the course of his lifetime. My other cats have not been nearly as expensive, but this is something you should prepare for if you’re going to adopt a pet.
I’ve written earlier about how living one’s best life is in part living a life with purpose. It was truthfully a small paragraph at the end of another post which mostly amounted to applying your talents in support of your calling to serve others in some nebulous manner. A trite piece of advice which commits to almost nothing and leaves you saying “yes, yes, very nice, but how exactly is one supposed to do that?!” An understandable response, dear reader. I beg your indulgence as I did not wish to make a long winded post.
There are some clues in my nebulous statement. The first is understanding and cultivating your talents. The second is understanding your calling, which is probably the trickiest part and the “meat” of this series of posts. The third is service to others. Which can honestly range from your next door neighbors to strangers on the other side of the globe.
Depending on your level of self-esteem, finding and cultivating your talents may be as easy as taking a walk or as difficult as learning to do a 360 flip on a snowboard. Although, those with an inflated sense of self may find reality is a cruel teacher when faced with the truth that one is not as “smart” and “talented” as one first believed. When reality inevitably smacks one in the face, there can be an understandable re-examining. This can lead to questions of whether one really has a talent worthy of cultivating and the temptation to “throw in the towel” or “give up” may soon creep in. It may be better to replace the idea of talents with skills or interests. These may be less daunting to consider and our egos are not as tied up in a skill or interest allowing us to be more honest in our current abilities.
Given that most of the population is on a bell curve for almost any given trait, the best most of us can hope for is slightly above average, maybe, if we are quite lucky, gifted in a certain area. For those of you unfamiliar with the actual definition of gifted when discussing the overall population, it means that a person is above 84% of the population in a given ability. I can assure you dear reader that neither yourself nor me shall find ourselves in that coveted 26%. To be a true “genius”, one must be greater than 98% of the population. Can you truly say, dear reader, that you are better than nearly 8 billion people in anything?
Now the pessimistic reader will most likely be throwing up their hands in defeat at these facts. If one cannot expect greatness why even bother? Should we not leave such things to those who are our betters? Let those with the gifts toil away and leave the rest of us to our petty amusements. If you are one of those, do not despair just yet! As most people are not innately talented in any given area we can free ourselves of a false assumption that people are talented because they are born that way or that we cannot better ourselves. However, talent is often just a skill or interest that someone has built upon with consistent practice and coaching. It is not a matter of “having it or not”, it is more a matter that you are born with inclinations towards certain skills or interests and then in building upon those they become talents.
One does not need to be a child prodigy or the world’s “best whatever” to use talents for a calling. The world famous violinist Joshua Bell is not described as a child prodigy. In fact, he is considered rather unremarkable until his natural inclination towards music was cultivated by his parents and then his teachers when he was an older child. Nor was it the goal for him to become a prodigy of sorts, instead his parents simply wanted him to enjoy the instrument. He became what he is through dedicated practice and excellent coaching. Having access to world class teachers, he became a world class violinist thus shattering any notion that unless a person begins before the age of 5 one can never achieve the greatest heights.
Now, this doesn’t mean that one should expect that you will achieve the greatest heights in any given field or area. The higher one goes the less and less opportunities there are for advancement that is the way of things. Competition becomes more fierce as the field narrows. So focusing overly much on climbing a ladder of sorts is probably not the best use of your time and consideration. The aforementioned example was more to illustrate that one need not begin in early childhood to start cultivating a skill or talent and that you can, through hardwork and dedication, achieve a true talent. Remember the cultivation of the skill is part of the purposeful life not the end of itself.
Not every interest and skill needs to lead to the highest heights. Not every hobby must become a fortune 500 business, not every skill must yield profit. Cannot a thing be simply for yourself? It is nice when one’s talents and purposes yield income, but it is not necessary. There is something in us as humans that longs to simply be – a drive towards something. It may be the creation of art or music; it may be a connection to nature through hiking or fishing; it may be the thrill of pushing yourself physically through a sport. It needs no audience other than ourselves. In the words of Kurt Vonnegurt, “Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.”
So how do we make room for our souls to grow? My general rule of thumb is 10-15 minutes a day. After all, finding an hour or even 30 minutes every day can be challenging. However, it’s almost impossible not to find a spare 10-15 minutes laying around. You certainly scroll on your phone for longer than that here and there in those awkward in between moments where you don’t quite have enough time for longer activities like when you’re waiting on water to boil or you’ve got a few minutes in the morning after you’re done getting ready. Besides, there’s almost certainly some sort of app that you can put on your phone which will allow you to focus on that interest. Perhaps, you can utilize your morning commute to listen to a podcast or audiobook about your given interest area. Maybe you can enroll in an online course, or read textbooks on your phone. Replace your phone habit with your interests and suddenly, you’ve started to develop a talent.
What’s interesting is that oftentimes, I may start a given activity under my “10-15 minute rule” and soon discover that I have spent 20 to 40 minutes on it. Sometimes it’s difficult to muster up the mental energy to do something for 60 minutes or even 30, but once you get going it’s easy to keep going. Just as objects that once in motion stay in motion, so too do we. However, given my busy schedule, there are just as many days where it’s all I can do to find the 10 minutes. Still, by keeping with the 10-15 minutes every day, I stay in the habit of making time to do the interests I actually want to develop. This way the habits don’t slip away among the busyness of life. Sometimes, you have a period of days where it’s all you can do to go to work, make dinner, clean up the house and take care of the basics. It can be so easy to let your good habits slip and let doom scrolling or other distractions take over if you’re trying for those longer stretches of time every day as opposed to those “stolen” in between moments.
Soon, those interests start to muscle in on the parts of your day that aren’t dedicated to other things. It becomes your way of relaxing and instead of reaching for the TV remote you find yourself locking yourself away to be with that thing. There are certainly days when I spend a considerable amount of time playing the violin and have even found myself getting irritated if I haven’t been able to play. It has become part of my self-care routine as important as any other form of relaxation. I cannot tell you the last time I binged watched a show. My time has been consumed by other interests that I am actively trying to develop. Scrolling on my phone has been replaced with learning languages, practicing calligraphy and reading. That isn’t to say I look down my nose at people who watch shows or scroll, I still do those things along with playing video games. It’s that those things are no longer my first “go-to” activities because I’m now focused on skills that I want to improve.
I’m not entirely sure what I am “becoming” just yet. However, I do know that by spending time each day on those things I feel more myself than I have before. What might your own interests yield if given the opportunity to grow?
For well over 5,000 years humans have been dyeing fabrics and advanced with the techniques for spinning and weaving. Plants such as madder, ford and bearberry were particularly prized for their bright colors. Over time, other plants became popular for their colors such as woad, saffron, kermes, mallow, turmeric, walnut and even juniper. The colors that they could produce ranged across the entire spectrum, although none were as vibrant as the synthetic dyes we use today.
Given such a long history, I was surprised to learn that Eco-dyeing was a relatively new invention in the 1990’s by an Australian textile artist India Flint. The act itself is so simplistic and produces such a lovely delicate pattern one would have thought it was one of the earliest methods. Perhaps, it was and there just isn’t enough evidence left for us to discern. It is also possible that there were others before India who were using the method, but they just did not popularize it as she did.
Eco-dyeing is very simple, as it combines two steps of the dyeing process into one. Rather than first boiling the plants to extract the dye and then adding the fabric to the boiling water to dye the fabric one seamless color, the extraction of the pigment and the application to the fabric is the same step. This produces the wonderful patterns of plants on the fabric to create a delicate web of colors and shapes. This process is known as a form of contact dye meaning the dye is transferred from the leaves directly to the fabric.
However, while it is very simple in concept, I still desired to try my hand at it under the tutelage of an expert. Additionally, the class doubled as a birthday gift to my mom as a mother-daughter outing. I signed us up at the PA Guild of Craftsmen which incidentally was celebrating 80 years of preserving the crafts. The guild serves to promote, educate, support and encourage the craftsmen of Pennsylvania. Through their work many artists have discovered their passions, developed their talents and made a living.
On an unusually warm October morning, we headed into the small city of Lancaster where the guild was located. As it was still fairly early the streets were still quiet which made finding parking in the garage a breeze. We took an easy stroll about a block to the location taking a note of the local eateries and shops for when the class had its break. There were instructions of how to enter the building before the Guild’s Shop opened which were easy to see and follow. Once we entered, there were lots of people who were helpful in pointing us up the stairs and down through the first room back to our classroom where we met Carol Reed, our wonderful and knowledgeable instructor.
Carol explained a short history of eco-dyeing and laid out the general flow of the class, first we would lay out the plants, then we would wrap them around the dowel, tie them neatly, plop them in some water, wait about 2 hours and then have the “Great Unveiling”. Carol explained that we would be using Eucalyptus which could produce a color of pinkish-orange akin to salmon, a softer pink, a lighter green or a darker almost purplish green. The color was affected by different things such as the age of the eucalyptus, how long the leaves were left to boil, how tightly the leaves were pressed into the fabric, how hot the water got and how much iron water was in the water. While this is a process that could use just plain water, the iron water helps the dye adhere to the fabric and gives it some added texture and depth.
Utilizing her expertise, she was able to give us instructions to try and get the best results for what we desired. She explained that the outside pieces would be darker so if we wanted the darker section in the middle we should roll our scarves around the dowel in a different way. She told us which parts would transfer well, telling us that the very small, delicate leaves at the end would not transfer. She explained whether the way we were layering the leaves would end up looking lovely or like a weird blotch. She helped guide us as to when we had too many leaves or too few and how far out to go on the edges. She helped us wrap them with string and explained how the string patterns would turn up like small streaks on the outside edge.
I did not try to produce any sort of pattern, preferring to fully embrace the nature of the process as organic and natural. I cut down my long stems, having been advised that the stems would not roll well and then arranged the pieces across the scarf to mimic fallen branches and leaves scattered across the ground. I was careful not to add too many layers to avoid having ugly blotches on my scarf. I paid heed to the adage that less was more, knowing that the scarf would be folded over so the dye would be layered over the scarf. With the help of my mother I carefully wound the fabric tightly around the dowel as Carol had explained that the better the contact, the better the dye would be. I tied the string taut around the bundle securing the whole thing and then made a note of what mine looked like since Carol warned us not to put our bundles in until we could compare to discern whose was whose.
Once everyone had their bundles ready we put them in their designated pots and took a break since we would need to wait close to an hour and a half for the dye to really seep out of the leaves and onto the fabric. We were advised eucalyptus was a particularly hardly leaf which required a longer dyeing time. Carol told us that we could use a myriad of other plants for the same process, but we would find that much less time would be needed. We were also advised that if we did leave more delicate plants in that they would turn to mush and be much more difficult to get off the fabric when the dying process was over. Carol shared that the eucalyptus leaves would just fall off, but other leaves she usually has to carefully remove.
Having previously scouted out the area on our way in, my mom and I made our way just across the street to the Onion Cafe. It was a curious blend of American and Korean food where bowls of Ramen were offered beside burgers and fries. There were one or two “fusion” items mostly consisting of the addition of kimchi to the American options. However, as I was feeling a little
under the weather, I opted for a spicy Ramen, figuring a hot, spicy soup was the perfect panacea for what might be ailing me. My intuition was correct, as the Ramen was perfect and I felt much better afterwards.
We then strolled through the shops. Our favorite was a vintage clothing store,that was sadly going out of business. However, this meant they were running a clearance sale resulting in some steep discounts on our purchases, two hats (one bonus hat pin), a pair of fingerless gloves and a linen top. We then headed back to the guild for the “grand reveal”.
To say that I was delighted by the outcome is an understatement. I absolutely loved how my scarf turned out. Mine had transformed into soft, delicate pinks, mixed with light green hues which gradually turned into darker greens and purples. The leaves scattered across the fabric had left the impression of a field or forest of plants. The rest of the group oo’d and aw’d when they first saw it as mine was the first to be unwrapped. The others went shortly after. Despite having followed the same process, boiling in the same pots, the results ran the gambit of colors and patterns. It was so interesting and even Carol couldn’t quite explain why one person’s turned out to be a vibrant orange and another person’s stayed almost completely green.
We were told to rinse our scarves out until the water ran clear and allow them to cure for a few days before washing or wearing them to allow the color to fully set. We were told that the colors may brighten as it dried. We thanked our instructor, packed up the scarves in small plastic bags and headed home with our prizes.
I think what I really enjoyed about the whole process was how natural it all way from the silk fabric to the dye that only came from the leaves of the plant, to the patterns that were transferred to the fabric to even the simple ingredients of water and iron water (made from rusted nails, water and vinegar).
We are so disconnected from the process of what we wear and often what we wear is synthetic which utilizes process that are harmful to our environment and ultimately ourselves. This was a way to really connect to a tradition that, as I said, goes back thousands of years, even if it’s using a very modern technique. It was simple and elegant leading to beautiful results.
How can you make your own eco-dyed scarf?
You can, like me, find a class nearby which offers a lesson in the technique which not only teaches you the basics but also gives you access to an expert to help guide you in learning the smaller nuances of the craft. I find such experiences worthwhile and helps to enhance any first endeavor into a craft. I also like supporting local artisans, by helping them I continue to have access to specially made objects which enrich my life and my home. My local economy improves and I help preserve this precious piece of human culture for the future.
However, not everyone has access to craftsmen and women. However, these sorts of classes are increasing in popularity as many people are realizing that they’ve lost something by going completely digital. They want to feel physical objects, interact with their environment and embrace life. Plus studies have shown that engaging in activities of creation is good for our mental wellbeing, it reminds us that we aren’t helpless and capable of great things.
Still, you may find, dear reader, that you are unable to locate an instructor for your dyeing needs. Do not despair, as I have told you the principles of the task are quite simple and through some experimentation you are surely to get results you are happy with. I will say that it is recommended not to use the same pot for dyeing as you do for cooking. Luckily cheap pots can be found at a local thrift store. Silk scarves can be found at dharmatrading.com and the eucalyptus can be found at your local flower shop or even some chain grocery stores. Iron water is easily made with some rusty nails, water and vinegar and you’re off! More explicit instructions can of course be found online.
You may find that you truly enjoy the process of making eco-dyed fabrics and a new hobby as been discovered. I will say the temptation to make more is certainly there, but I shalln’t give in to the temptation as I don’t know that I have space in my life right now for another hobby. Mostly my storage spades for the supplies. Perhaps one day, dear reader.
We often hear or even say the phrase “living my best life”, but what does it actually mean? Is it being able to reach your goals? To live a full life? What is a full life? In general when we use say look at this person living their best life, we usually see someone who has fully embraced being themselves without caring what others think. But how do we even know that they really are living their best life? What does a “best life” even entail? It probably does and should look different for different people. What makes my life “best” isn’t what will make your life “best”. There are, of course, guiding principles. After all, this whole blog is in part to help people live better lives. For most people a best life is one that comes from connection to others and a sense of meaning or purpose without worrying too much about the judgment of people.
There are a myriad of ways to arrive at those two things. I have seen lists of anywhere from 6 items to 30 items of how to arrive at a “best life” or to live a fuller one. Some of these lists even conflict with each other like focusing on yourself and your own personal growth yet being “other” centered. If you grew up in the Christian community you may have been told that JOY comes by putting Jesus first, others second and yourself last. All well and good, until you stop caring for yourself at all and forgetting that you can’t help other people if you haven’t been taking care of yourself first. On the other hand, always putting yourself first is obviously narcissistic and self-ish, certainly not the way to form meaningful connections to others. How to reconcile the two conflicting sides?
This post isn’t necessarily to tell you how to arrive at those two things, more to get you to try and think about what might help you get there. As illustrated above, there are people for whom the advice of putting yourself first is absolutely necessary! I talk about boundaries and self-care in other posts precisely because putting my own needs last was something I struggled with leading to burn out, resentment and bitterness. Not things that helped my relationships.
However, there are certainly many people who need to be told to put others at the center and to focus on getting out of their own world and be more mindful about how their actions affect others. The character of Ebenezer Scrooge in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol certainly needed that lesson lest he find himself cast into hell for his self-centeredness. All things in moderation I suppose.
For some people living their best life may be learning to let go of stress and worries, for other people it may be that they need to worry about the future a little more. You may need to learn to stop caring so much about what others think or you may want to consider others opinions a little more. The path to a “best life” is one that is always evolving and changing. Each person is an individual and what their best life looks like is going to be different.
One of the best ways to achieve a best life is through self-reflection.
After all, how do we know what we need to learn and how do we know when we’re being ourselves if we don’t take time to self-reflect? One way to really get to know ourselves is to “talk to ourselves”, not in the crazy person sort of way, but through journaling. I often find myself surprised by some of the things that come out of my own journaling where I let the flow of the subconscious go where it will. I may look for various prompts to consider to help jump start my self-exploration. There are also journals out there geared to specific topics or goals. For journaling to be truly effective requires us to be really honest with ourselves willing to face possibly ugly truths.
Journaling can also help us explore our relationships to help us determine if we are truly connected to others. In learning more about ourselves, would we be able to share these insights with those closest to us? Do we have people who we can truly express ourselves and be vulnerable with? True connection to others means that you can be authentically yourself. After all, some of the loneliest people on the planet are those who are extremely popular. Why? Because in pursuing being liked by everyone, they are too afraid to show their real selves lest they be rejected. The hard truth is that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but you have a choice to make, be your authentic self to have real connection with others or disguise yourself and be alone.
This can be extremely difficult because it requires us to live without fear of the judgment of others, which is the main reason so many of us choose to live inauthentic lives and to settle for relationships that are shallow. However, this is a key piece of living our best lives. As I said at the beginning of this post, when we say “look at this person living their best life” it’s often said as a form of respect for someone who clearly doesn’t give a “f” what others think. They’re the people walking down the street dressed outrageously. The people dancing in the street to a musician. The ones who call you darling as they don a hat before splashing in a fountain. They laugh too loud, love too deeply, hear poetry in the rain and see works of art in the swirling of leaves in the wind. They may also be the ones who aren’t afraid to piss people off with how they view the world, unafraid to speak up and speak out. However they live, they are authentically and unapologetically themselves.
I danced for these street musicians as if no one was watching!
Living authentically isn’t being a jerk about it though. These are people who don’t care if they tick people off but they don’t purposefully go out of their way to do so. It isn’t about being mean. It’s about respectfully disagreeing and holding themselves apart from the judgment of others. It’s more of a live and let live attitude. Like okay, you don’t like that I live my life this way, but it’s no skin off your nose and I don’t have to listen to your criticisms about it if they aren’t constructive or useful. Someone living their best life knows that bees don’t argue with flies that honey is better than crap.
Another benefit to journaling is it can allow us to consider another aspect to a best life, living with purpose. I’m not here to tell you what a purposeful life is or is not. Each of us has a calling. Each of us has a gift or talent. I can’t tell you what those are because I’m not you. In general, a purposeful life involves leaving the world a better place, and helping others. Some people may have very obvious purposes like teachers, nurses and EMT workers. Teaching the next generation, healing the sick and protecting others are all very obviously meaningful things to do based on the values of our society.
However, almost any job can be infused with meaning when placed into a larger context of helping others. Nor does your purpose have to be tied to your job. I once interned for a group of businessmen who invested money. They were quite good at it, but rather than simply take all the money for profit, they used it to open an orphanage in Africa. This orphanage did not stop assistance at the age of 18, but rather continued to invest in the children, helping them obtain higher education. The children were able to start businesses in their local community and become leaders thus laying a firm foundation for independence in the region. Their calling was to help disadvantaged children and to grow a community in Africa even though their jobs had almost nothing to do directly with this calling. Your talents and your calling may be seemingly disparate things that nonetheless are yours.
There are, afterall, lots of ways to leave the world a better place.Talents don’t have to be utilized in a specific way. Your job doesn’t have to exactly match your calling. It’s certainly easy when the two directly align, but sometimes they may seem completely disconnected. You also don’t have to have your calling address every ill in the world to leave it a better place. Some people’s calling is to focus on the environment, others may have a calling to help sick children. Both are worthy callings that do not negate the other nor is one automatically better than the other. There are unfortunately a lot of problems in the world and there’s just no way for each of us to address all of them all at once. That isn’t to say don’t do what you can for the problems of the world, do the part you can. Your calling is the thing you focus on.
The point is for you to determine for yourself what your talents are and how to apply them to your specific calling. I will probably write a more extensive post on a purposeful life, but as I said earlier this post is more to help you start to consider what a best life is and how you might start to consider what your best life looks like. To be honest, I’m still figuring it out. One of the reasons I have a bucket list is to try new things, complete new challenges, to grow, and learn more about myself.
So what are you waiting for? Go forth, dear reader, and start living your authentic best life!
Unlike a maze, a labyrinth does not have many branching paths intent to challenge one’s navigational skills, but instead is one single path leading to the center. It is intended to symbolize a meditative spiritual journey without the possibility of becoming lost. There is one entry point and one endpoint, the only exit is to follow that path in reverse.
Labyrinths have been used by the Christian faith since at least the 300’s and it gained popularity in the 600’s as a substitute for pilgrimage to the Holy lands after the Muslim conquest. In the faith, the labyrinth represents ones journey with God, as one arrives at the center one is entering arrives to be with God in perfect union. When one leaves, one has left a holy place to go back into the world. The practice is intended to be one of quiet contemplation and meditation, to pray and commune with God. It is a different form of worship as most often other forms are very stagnant in terms of physical movement. You sit at church to hear the preacher speak, you may stand up to sing and more modern churches may have people wave their arms in the air, but for the most part the movement is very limited. In this way, your whole body is part of the worship, the act of walking becomes part of the prayer.
Many labyrinths are outside allowing creation to return to its intended purpose of being our Cathedrals and places of worship. It returns us in a sense to the garden paradise and thus reinforces the journey back to God which the labyrinth intends to mimic. The ordinary act of walking in nature becomes transcendent.
The path that leads us back to God is not a straightforward path. It winds around at times seemingly moving us farther away from our goal, turning us away from it even though that is the only way to move towards it. To take that next step is an act of bold faith and trust that the path will lead where it is meant to be. In some labyrinths the path just before the final journey to the center takes us to the farthest point as it winds us all the way out and around before finally turning to the goal.
Life can often seem that way as well. It can seem that we are being led down paths away from our goals or that we are farther away from what we are striving for than when we started. We may be tempted to turn back and try to go another way, only to discover there is no other way. We may find ourselves frustrated by the seeming lack of progress and give into the despair of hopelessness. The only way is forward, to trust the path and take that step of faith.
As one walks the path of a labyrinth, one may notice weeds or patches of clovers popping up depending on how vigilant the groundskeepers are. Then again what is truly a weed in a garden devoted to God? Is it not his creation that has been sent there? The judgments of the world hold little sway there, perhaps they serve as a reminder that the flaws and shortcomings we see in ourselves are gifts from the creator. The obstacles in the path are not obstacles at all but blessings.
It was on a cool October morning, when the land was covered in fog that I embarked on my own prayer journey at a local church. I had read about prayer labyrinths and their meditative uses for quiet reflection and solace. As I was going to be in town on other business, I decided on a whim to drive a little out of my way and go in search of it. The labyrinth was tucked away behind the church in the wildflowers. Although being October, most of the flowers had lost their luster as they prepared for winter. The field itself was devoid of the bright hues one associates with flower fields; instead the plants had been transformed into dark sentinels to stand watch through the darkest months.
At the entrance, I placed my phone and car keys to the side in order to devote myself fully to the practice intended by the architects of the labyrinth. Pausing at the front, I took three deep breaths to ground myself and be fully present in the moment. Then I began to walk and prayed. I wound around the path allowing it to twist and turn as it would taking in the few still blooming flowers which dotted the inside. As I approached the center, I paused knowing that in the next moment I would be stepping into the inner sanctuary. I then stepped into the middle and rested in the presence. My journey out was slightly different than my journey in as I softly hummed hymns to myself. Perhaps, I was taking the joy of heaven with me in the form of music and song.
Once I returned to my phone, I did pick it up for purposes of documenting in pictures the labyrinth in part to be able to return mentally to that place once more. In part to be able to share the experience with you dear readers with hopes that you will be encouraged to go on your own meditation journey. Still, on my second journey inward, I found myself still meditating and reflecting as if the design itself instills the mindset. It was on this second journey that I considered the imagery that labyrinth invokes. It was during that time that I reflected that at the point where I was seeming farthest away was actually when i was closest, even though when I first entered the center appeared to be just within reach. It was in taking pictures, that I reflected on the apparent weeds and wondered if I could call them weeds since they were in a sense planted by God. If God could have weeds in his Holy place then surely they are not weeds at all and if I saw them as weeds was I not looking with the world’s eyes? What did I see in my own life as weeds? When did I think that I was far from my goals when they were just within reach if only I kept going? What might I see if I looked at my own life as a labyrinth?
On my way back to my car and out of the wild flowers, a butterfly came floating by my face, twirling around me and floating above. Was it a sign that the prayers asked would be answered? Was it a message of hope? Perhaps. Perhaps it was just a butterfly. Still, I shall take comfort in it for whatever may come in the next days. I shall remember the lessons of the labyrinth and sing the hymns of faith and thanksgiving.
How can you experience a labyrinth?
First dear reader, you need not be of the Christian faith or of any faith to enjoy the benefits of a prayer labyrinth. Many are simply called mediation gardens and even those without a faith find benefit to walking in them. The practice of meditative walking still helps people connect with their bodies, commune with nature, alleviates stress, supports their minds and improves over all well-being. You may find yourself making similar reflections as I did that life has its many twists and turns. You may reflect that the only way is to move forward and trust that you will obtain the goals you are reaching for. You may ask yourself if the flaws you observe are truly flaws or simply the way you’ve been trained to see them. Perhaps, you will leave as I did with a slightly different outlook than when you entered.
Labyrinths can be found all over, at churches, hospitals and other public spaces. Some people have created them in their own backyard. Each one has a unique design and some are much bigger than the one I visited on a misty morning. It may be difficult to find as they are not always advertised and some are not necessarily open to the public. However, I found that with careful research I was able to locate one not 10 minutes from my house. I encourage you dear reader to visit a labyrinth. I think you will find the experience is worthy of your time.
If you don’t have access to one, then a meditative walk could help you achieve a similar affect. After all it’s about getting a similar result from a given experience. As always, dear reader, we needed do the exact thing to achieve the same or even better results.
The title of this post comes from one of my favorite Bible verses and is in part the inspiration for this blog. This blog is intended to encourage you to live to invest in your mental health, stop chasing the false narratives of consumerism, over consumption and influencers and to live your best life. So what is a more appropriate Bucket List item than to encourage others? After all, when we build others up, we also build ourselves.
There’s an interesting story about a farmer who won the farm show every year for his amazing crops. What puzzled people was that he would take the seeds from his award winning produce and share them with his neighbors. When asked why, he said that by having superior crops nearby it helped enhance his own with cross pollination. In other words, helping others, helped him. Which is something that really resonates with me. As someone in the social services field, I want to help create a better world not only for the people I am helping but also because it will help create a better world for me.
In early 2021, with the ongoing pandemic, I watched mental health illness and a general sense of hopelessness grow in my community. It was as if in the midst of all the lockdowns, anxiety, stress a darkness was descending everywhere. Social media, which was already not the greatest place to spend your time, had become a toxic cesspool of hatred and vitriol as everyone struggled to cope. I don’t know all my neighbors, their struggles or what is going on in their lives, but I knew that at least some of them probably needed a pick me up. I knew I certainly could have benefited from it. So, I rolled up my proverbial sleeves and made a plan to bring some light in the middle of all these shadows.
I counted up the houses in my neighborhood and procured a small gift for each of them. In this case, it was a small make-up kit which I found at a greatly reduced price from Nordstrom. As my neighborhood is only about 10 or so houses, it was relatively inexpensive to include a small token along with the note. I then wrote a note to each of them offering encouragement and hope. Mostly something along the lines that we’re all going through a rough time and that I hope this small gift would bring them some joy.
I waited until the middle of the week when I knew most would be away as evidenced by the lack of cars in driveways and then launched my plan. Which really consistent of walking around for maybe 5 minutes leaving the gift at each doorstep. It was hardly mission impossible. There was nothing connecting it back to me, no name or indication as to whom it came from, that was never the point. The point was of course to be anonymous to simply offer a point of light in the darkness.
I do not know if anyone ever connected it back to me, no one has ever acknowledged the gesture, but what I do know is that it seemed to strengthen the ties in the neighborhood. I had noticed over the course of the pandemic that people had withdrawn back into their houses. They stopped chatting and waving. They didn’t go out of their way to be helpful to one another as we once did. For a year, we’d all be holding one another at arm’s length and it seemed difficult to breakdown the barrier. After that simple gift, I noticed they started reaching out to one another more and to strengthen the ties of the small community.
When we are kind to others, it spread kindness. However, often when we are kind it begins a reciprocal relationship that does not necessarily spread outward from the dyad. When we are kind to strangers or anonymously, that kindness is amplified to beyond ourselves. I loved seeing how the one small act prompted other small acts even if it just helped change the vibe of the neighborhood to a place where we do reach out rather than withdraw.
I’ve written in another post about community resilience like when the water main broke in my town and shut down main street or when a hurricane caused the annual art show to be canceled. A few people stood up and said, we will make a difference, we will encourage one another. Then the community rallied behind it. I’ve driven past signs on people’s mailboxes that say “You are awesome” and it brought a smile to my face. I’ve walked into the bathroom to see written on the mirror “You are loved” and my day brightened.
We never know what doing something for a stranger may do for them. However, there are many stories about how something as small as a smile can stop a suicide or help someone make a decision to turn their life around. Perhaps, all I did was make people smile, perhaps it saved a life. The point is to be the light that we wish to see in the world and the best thing about the activity was that it took almost no time at all. Kindness often does not. What it takes is noticing a potential need and responding to it, letting someone know that they are seen and that they matter. You don’t need to necessarily get it perfect. After all, my neighbors may not have needed the make-up the point was to let them know that someone cares about them.
Not every item on a BucketList is about enriching your own life. Afterall, here at Budget Bliss Bucket List, we want to pursue a life well lived and that means enriching other people’s lives as well. We become the best versions of ourselves when we practice generosity and gratitude. Chasing an influencer life for likes and attention, doesn’t leave us with meaning. Going on a vacation is fun, pampering yourself at the spa is important for self-care, but we miss something important when we don’t forget to give back.
I shall have to write a post about one’s wellness wheel, but the idea is that we have to make sure that we’re living a life in balance, filling each part of our wheel to be in balance. When one part of our wheel is “flat” the wheel doesn’t turn and we usually feel like we’re off, possibly stressed or even burned out. Making sure to take time to include items like this helps keep our wheel turning smoothly.
It’s easy! Count up your neighbor’s houses and write notes of encouragement. Then when the timing is right, drop them off. The alternative is to leave them around your community for strangers to find. You can even sneak around at night with chalk and write notes on the sidewalk for people to see. It takes almost no time at all and no money. Which is why this is a perfect budget friendly item to include on your list.
Completed: 2021
Cost: $10 per household but it can be practically free
Budget Bliss: Bucket List 